Scared stiff and feeling lonely, while waiting on name coming to the top of the list for ivf

[Eadie31]

I am 32 and have been diagnosed with endometriosis. Feeling at my lowest and don't know how much longer I can deal with feeling this bad. I am so desperate to have my own child that it seems to be all I think about. Is it normal to feel this bad?

[stellawaddingham]

Hi I think it's very normal to feel that way. I feel exactly the same. I've got endo and had both my tubes removed I'm 26. I don't qualify for free vid as my husband had a child in his teens. I referred myself to a private clinic and decided to donate some of my eggs to help someone else and refuse the cost and the waiting time. I'm now waiting for a match but people are turning it down on things like eye color. It's a horrible anxious wait every min of the day I have my phone next to me waiting for the call to say someone wants my eggs. I thought this would be the fast part as some ladies have been waiting years.

Are you getting yours on the nhs? What are you waiting for ? X

[Eadie31]

Hi I'm waiting on ivf on the nhs. Where abouts are you? My partner has a child from a previous relationship but haven't been told that I can't get ivf. Keep hearing that you don't get ivf if partner has previous child and it eats me up inside that I will get told the same. That's shocking that people are turning it down for to me what seems like silly things such as eye colour especially if you are desperate to have a child. Is the cost still high for you going private if you don't mind me asking? xx

[MrsMarsh in reply to Eadie31]

Hi Eadie31, I went through a year of all the infertility tests, for my doctor to just come straigt out and say your not intilitled to IVF like it was in a stream of conversation. I replied back with "so thats it" he said yes you will have to go private. It felt like he had put his hand down my throat and ripped my heart out.

Im hoping for you this isnt the case, and the doctor might put you forward for at least 1 IVF treatment. We have got a loan out for our first IVF treatment and if that fails then we have no plan B as of yet... Depending on the amount of drugs you need it is costing between £5000-£6000 we managed to get all the pre tests done on NHS which saved us around £600. Good Luck

[Eadie31 in reply to MrsMarsh]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear they just came out and said no to you. Can I ask where abouts you live? I hope that everything works out for you. xx

[MrsMarsh in reply to Eadie31]

I live in Hertfordshire, Nr Stansted Airport. I have heard some doctors are brilliant and they push there paitents to get at least 1 treatment of IVF so hopefully they will for you.. Fingers crossed x

[flickerish]

Hi hunny, I've just had my last tube removed and am waiting to meet by gynae in7 weeks on Friday (not that I'm counting). I'm excited, scared, nervous, don't know what to think. Just know that you are not alone, there are so many of us going through it and we need to be here for each other when needed xx

[Treacle]

Hi Eadie

Please don't think you're alone, you're anything but that! Its a really good start that you've posted on here and hopefully by now, you'll already realise that there are lots of us who are currently, or have historically, struggled in our quest for a family. What you're feeling, in my humble opinion, is completely normal. It does feel awful and I can't promise it will go away tomorrow, but talking about it, especially with people who have experience of it, is a step in the right direction.

Medically, whats happening? Can you have an op or drugs for your Endo? What are your next steps? Often, knowing what is happening next can at least give you something to aim towards.....

Good luck

xxx

[Eadie31]

Hi treacle, I have had 2 laps for my endo and have been on 28 painkillers a day at one point. I'm currently on the waiting list for ivf and have been told that instead of 1 years wait I'm looking at 1 1/2 which is hell. Talking about it with other people who are going through the same or similar is good. Makes me feel like I'm not alone. I am kicking myself every day at the moment for not being able to this one thing which is having a kid, keep thinking I have done something wrong somewhere in my past. xx

[Miwa]

I'm sorry to hear you feel so bad, but this is normal from my experience. I too have endo and had to have ivf. Trying to conceive and repeatedly failing takes it's toll on your emotions. It takes over my brain as I thought about it all the time. We had three ivf attempts and tried for eight years. I now have a week old baby, so there is always hope even though on dark days there feels like there is no hope. Don't give up. When you get into ivf clinic I would recommend going to the counsellor as soon as possible. It helped me through it all, and she really understood what it is like to go on an infertility journey which is the hardest thing I have ever done xxxx

[Eadie31 in reply to Miwa]

Congratulations on the birth of your baby, that is fantastic news for you. I just can't seem to get over the whole feeling useless and thinking that the wait seems to be going on for what feels like years. xxxx

[Treacle]

Eadie, feeling useless and besting yourself up over this is not going to help you mentally or emotionally - if you have no other choices other than to wait on the list until your turn comes, you have to get proactive in what you can do in that waiting period - if you don't, you will drive yourself even more crazy.

I used Zita Wests book on assisted conception to help get me ready physically as well as emotionally and mentally for IVF - because when you've waited that long, you have to give yourself the very best shot you have. It advises on weight, exercise, diet and nutrition, ways to relax etc - it's not rocket science and all common sense but it worked for me because IVF is so out of our control, that at least your own well being is something you can focus on and god forbid, if it didn't work for you, at least you'd know you gave it your very best shot. Sorry if I'm telling you things you know already, just know that for me, I needed to feel I had some say in what was happening and my preparation allowed for that

Xxxx