Worried of the worst happening...

[KitHarrington]

Hi,

This is more of a rant after a horrible and hard few weeks, I apologise in advance and thank you if you make it to the end!

I'm currently 7+6 wks after a very long journey, tiring and emotionally draining journey as everyone here knows it's grueling.

I was shocked when I saw the lines cause I'd given up hope and thought I'm not lucky enough.

I've previously had a natural pregnancy in 2019 which sadly ended in a silent miscarriage (and at the time I didn't even know such a thing existed, I always thought you bleed), I found out at the scan.

I have the first scan for this (IVF) pregnancy on Friday and the wait has been painful, I found the 2 week wait less stressful, I think it's because the wait for the scan in much longer and that's too much time for your mind to run wild.

I'm terrified of what I will be told at this scan, I don't think I could tolerate any bad news, I'm already very stressed and anxious. I think I feel worse because I have no pregnancy symptoms and it scares me!

My SO already has 2 children who live with us full time, their bio-mum abandoned them when they were 2 and 4 and had no contact until me and SO got married 6 years ago. And ever since then she has been a toxic trouble making presence in our home and life through using the children (she had access). She sees them at her convenience when she needs something or is bored and uses the children to create problems in our home. SO is too afraid to stand up to her or discipline children when they verbally attack and abuse me.

It's added significant stress and anxiety to and already difficult situation. I'm terrified it's harmed my pregnancy.

I'm all over the place and I tried to talk to SO about things today and we ended up arguing because he always defends the abusive behaviour (because of dad guilt).

I see the fertility counsellor at the clinic and plan on telling her everything because I can't take it anymore and I haven't stopped crying since morning on and off but I'm scared what may happen when I reveal all the nasty details to the counsellor.

I'm just all over the place and feel unhappy and alone right now, I don't have any family of my own and can't talk to his family or friends due to past experiences (I don't feel safe to express myself).

Right now I just feel scared of everything that can go wrong and how horrible this day has been!

Thank you for listening 💔

[DianeArnold Partner]

Hi KitHarrington. All I would like to say, is I have always preferred 7 week scans, to ensure a heartbeat is seen. Don’t worry too much about pregnancy symptoms, as they will arrive soon enough, or not at all. My ladies always complained of tiredness in the first instance. I shall be thinking of you on Friday, and hope everything does get sorted out. Diane

[CJohns]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But I’m sure the added stress and upset will not affect your pregnancy ❤️.

It sounds like you could really use someone to talk to going forward, and if the fertility counsellor can’t branch out that far and help, I then id definitely recommend seeing a normal counsellor. It sure helps to vent and have someone to offer suggestions to deal with situations. I hope things get better for you xx