About me.

[elle_5]

Hello. I'm Elle. I'm 24.

In May, I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't feeling good at work, went home, took 4 tests and there it was (a positive). I was in denial. I was on birth control at the time & just didn't think it was a possibility but apparently anything is possible.. My symptoms were a bit ridiculous.. I was always having cramping.. which I was told was Fine. I started spotting here and there and was also told not to worry.. and let's not begin with the nausea. Everything I ate, I threw up. Even though it was physically rough, I was happy and so was my boyfriend (who in the beginning was scared beyond belief but came around)

It was a few days after We met with my OB and saw my little macadamia nut (my biggest craving was white chocolate macadamia nut cookies) I noticed my cramping intensified and the spotting became a bit more noticeable.. but I was told not to worry. My HCG was increasing at the right speed, the baby's heart rate was great and my due date was in February of 2018. I was told to stop worrying and that this is what happens during a pregnancy. After working my second 12hr shift in a row and feeling like crap the whole time, I came home and passed out on the bed. My body was literally exhausted. Little did I know I was waking up to the worst day of my life.

I was 9.5 weeks pregnant. This began 6/28 and I am still feeling the pain and still bleeding.. I feel guilty.. like maybe I should've listened to my body more.. I can't stop crying..

I was diagnosed with severe depression, generalized anxiety, and PTSD when I was 10. I was on three different medications which were both category C or higher and stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

I have no motivation for anything.

My loving boyfriend is very supportive. We both have sat and cried for hours but I can tell at times that I am stressing him out..

My immediate family is not supportive whatsoever. A few haven't made contact with me knowing the situation.. and one even told me to "move on, a first trimester miscarriage is nothing to worry about. It ended before it even began".

I am here looking for support and strength to talk about it or to even get out of bed. This is not something minor.. this is the loss of someone's dreams for their baby, intense guilt, intense pain, and a hormonal roller coaster.

My name is Elle. I'm 24. Nice to meet you all.

[Lilly08]

Hi elle_5, thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm a new member too and I came here looking for support and advises of other women going through similar situations.

If you read some of the posts you will know that you are not alone. There are many of us (young and not so young hehe) who are going through the pain and grief of not being able to conceive. Whatever is the reason, we are all in pain in one way or another.

Unfortunately people who didn't experience this struggle (even if they are your relatives or friends) can't understand you.

It is natural to feel what you are feeling after your loss. But I'm sure that one day you will wake up feeling better You will realize you are strong and you will move on. Ready to keep on trying.

I'm feeling down today too, but something inside me keeps telling me that tomorrow will be better.

You are so young and life might surprise you positively when you don't expect it. I'm sure you will make your dream of being a mother come true soon!

Blessings x

[elle_5 in reply to Lilly08]

Thank you so much. This means a lot. 💜 I'm starting to believe this will get better one day at a time

[Lilly08 in reply to elle_5]

Anytime, honey. It will definitely get better stay strong and take a good care of yourself. I'm always here to talk if you need it! x

[stephanienissim]

I hope you feel better, Elle. Sorry for your loss and goodluck moving forward xx