Just ..Help 😭

[WorriedMum20]

My son's school have today said they won't support us in his toileting issues anymore and they are demanding he be in nappies during school. My husband and I don't want this but I am at a loss as to what else to try.Background...

My son is 4 (very nearly 5).

He potty trained at 2 and was dry for a year.

After a year he started having accidents, urine tests came back negative for any infections.

At first the accidents were sporadic then they became worse and worse.

By the time he was leaving preschool he could have 4-8 accidents a day. Only ever wee. He's never had a poo accident.

His preschool keyworker was amazing, we did 30 minute timers but she said he would be talking to her as he got off the toilet and he would be actively weeing without realising so she'd let him know and sit him back on the toilet.

He didn't know when he was wet and would have to feel with his hand after being told he was wet.

She did a handover with school, letting them know what to expect etc and they didn't seem worried at all and said they'll handle it.

The pediatrician at the time told us she didn't "care about accidents until they're 6".

He started school and had 1-3 accidents a day, they quickly decided they do care and don't have the staff for it.

We went back to the paediatrician who said it was habit and gave us a plan.

After arguing the school into following the plan, it worked for 3 days then stopped working.

He had meds to increase what his bladder could hold...this had no difference except to cause him pains.

We are now 6 months into school, we've tried everything we can think of but the school have said they won't help anymore and that they want him back in nappies.

When I said that I worry that he'll be happy in nappies and we won't get him back out of them, the Senco said "at some point the peer pressure will mean that he wants to toilet train again" ...this did not sit well. As my husband(his dad) puts it "so we have to wait until he's bullied enough that he wants to use the toilet??"

What do I do??

He had an ultrasound...before the ultrasound he had one half glass of water 2 hours before..he had 5 wees before the ultrasound after the water. He literally walked from the toilet to the ultrasound room where the sonographer said his bladder was full. I was completely shocked and explained that he'd just been to the toilet. I asked him if he needed a wee and he said no. I asked him to try and he did the smallest wee ever, went back in and his bladder was now empty. The paediatrician has taken this as "he can empty his bladder...tick!" No attention at all to the fact that he had JUST been for a wee and that he felt that he didn't need to go when his bladder was full.

Any advice GREATLY appreciated...I would try ANYTHING.

We are awaiting an MRI on his brain, back and bladder but who knows how long that will take. And what do I do in the meantime?? Nappies? Tell school that nappies aren't an option? What?

Side note- he is wet over wet. He never used to be, but now he is.

[Yaleamanda]

Formally complain and insist on an intimate health care plan.

[WorriedMum20 in reply to Yaleamanda]

Thank you x

[Ashky]

Does he have an EHCP? If so, this should be included as part and parcel of the overall provision.

If not, you should request in writing an intimate care plan be updated/provided in accordance with the relevant SEND provision and policy that school MUST have in place - check in the policies on their website. It is not up to them to determine/direct the provision just on a whim!

However, you need to be sure what is the (updated) view of the medical professionals currently involved in your child's care? You need to seek an urgent opinion/guidance from your paediatrician/continence team as to what they suggest/propose as the right way forward in the interests of the child.

As far as the local authority is concerned (I assume it is a local authority school?) they should also have - or signpost you to - independent support advisers ("SENDIASS" or similar) who can help.

Finally, put it all in writing to head and chair of governors!

You may find it helpful to send a 'holding reply/statement' if this all takes some time! Have they told you in writing by the way - or is this just what the SENDCo has said? Not an uncommon problem in Reception, and they may be reluctant to make provision beyond that point - even when it can be a 'need' into Y1/2.

Best of luck

[WorriedMum20 in reply to Ashky]

He's not on the send register as he doesn't have any additional needs. They're very much treating it as if we haven't potty trained him properly most of the time and just telling us they don't have the staff to help him. Then they tell us they don't think he can control it which is why they want him in nappies because we're being unfair expecting him to be able to control it 🥺 I don't know what to do.

We haven't had any Senco discussions really, it's the head we're working with. The comment from the Senco was during one brief conversation when the head wasn't there.