Severe withholding/ toilet fear - 5 year old

[JoannaGuk]

Hi all, just wondered if anyone can offer advice on severe withholding.

One of my twin daughters is 5 years old and 5 weeks ago something triggered (we don’t know what) her to hold again. We’ve had issues since potty training over 2 years ago, she got constipated so withheld, it was a bad time, but movical and a matter of time got us through for her to be comfortable to go. but she has never poo’d on the toilet... only in a pull up-to this day. Completely fine with wees on the toilet, dry at night etc. She just puts a pull up on to do poo. Tried every reward etc, but her fear is very real. We were coping with it, but now we’ve regressed to complete withholding.

Been back to consultant who has advised to up the laxatives to huge doses to clear her out...and keep her going daily. She has still held and only gone once a week for last 4 weeks. So have to up it again. we are on the dulcolax liquid (as movical not enough). my daughter must have muscles of steel as she can hold through 40-50ml, even up to 75ml a day! Then she finally gives in as can no longer hold the build up. She’s in so much distress with the mess of it, and been off school with it too. She gets tummy and back pains and so tired from holding it. But she is so stubborn with it!

She did start school last September, and she was very anxious. But has settled well. School have been great, but I’m wondering if that might contribute and maybe there were issues before - just not as bad as she was lightly soiling knickers quite regularly, but was doing poos still.

Thanks if you’ve got this far! Basically anyone going through similar and seen light at the end of the tunnel as we can’t right now! Thanks

[Skyfullofstars1]

Hi, I am basically her to ask this question! Unfortunately that means I don’t have any answers but your not alone. My daughter just turned 5 and we have been dealing with ( and struggling) this since she was 2 and a half. Potty training went brilliantly, then she got constipated, her poo hurt her so badly. Then she said ‘ I will never poo again’ and my god did she try. The battle went on for 2 years of sometimes 10 pants a day, bad moods, low energy, sore legs from holding, bad sleep etc. Around October last year it got really bad ( despite being on Movicol/ laxido) and her compacted bowel actually ruptured her bladder. Resulting in several trips to A&E and a few stays in hospital. 12 laxido a day she was prescribed. Time of nursery and work. I was absolutely at my wits end tbh. Then we were take in to the hospital for pico-lax for one week. It was a terribly hard week for us both. Tears were shed. Shit was every where ( new rug and all) however after that we were given laxido and docusate. Slowly but surely things got better. I have charts for every day since October last year and her progress has been amazing. Still on 2 laxido and 3 x 5ml docusate and a toilet routine of siting morning, lunch and after tea.

This last week she’s started withholding again and marks in her pants.. she starts school this year and I’m really not wanting to go backwards. I’m so frustrated right now. I’m thinking perhaps her birthday and being the big 5 has triggers a set back? Worried about starting school/ leaving nursery. Mission poo beings again.

[JoannaGuk]

Hi, thanks for the reply. Reassuring to know that others are in the same and similar situation. Even if we can’t offer any resolves! Its so stressful and takes over your life doesn’t it. I’m sorry you had to spend time in hospital, sounds horrendous- for you both. The whole situation is so heart breaking when it’s such a normal bodily function.

We only seem to get her to go weekly right now when we up her sodium picolsulphate to 100ml a day this week! (4x 25ml) ...and it’s a mess.... sofa ruined on Friday. The issue we have is she still has the fear of toilet for a poo, so wants a pull up so even more messy, and toilet sitting becomes hard as she doesn’t want to poo on there.

Your regression could be the thought of starting school getting nearer?

If I think about I think My daughter started partially withholding last September and it’s gradually got worse to complete withholding...and it could now be the change of year 1 coming / new teacher etc. School is such a big thing for them. Even though my daughter does love it.

Our school have been great though. I met with them before she started and have done a few times since. She has pull ups in her bag (along with wipes and nappy sacks) and they take her for toilet sitting. It’s very private that she wears a pull up with knickers on top, so other children don’t see (all their idea) and they let her lay down when she has cramps and trying to hold. They change her if she soils too. The teacher started a comms book which is in her book bag daily and she writes what happened that day and I respond back in the evening. I also update on email with her if needed.

Schools have to understand this stuff. Definitely meet with them. We are due to see the school nurse too for any extra support. I find reassurance to my daughter about school and how they will help her does make it easier for her. Her behaviour can be quite trying at home which I think is all linked.

Wish you luck and hope things get better your end.

A cousin of mine in the peads industry is trying to get a 2nd opinion from a consultant at GOSH, so if anything comes of that I’ll update here.