Lost

[Naomi444]

My daughter holds she is 4 know and has held for 3 years old.. laxatives r a nightmare making life worse.. she doesn’t know if she’s gone or not! Constant soiling she tells me it’s okay mummy I pushed it back up seen doctor same as everyone else laxatives .. affecting daily life. We are just so lost.

[Jellylorum]

Ah you poor things, it's so hard isn't it? We are in a similar position with my son, who is 4 as well.

Have you tried introducing potty time after meals? After lots of early resistance this turned into a bit of a breakthrough for us so might be worth a try. We bought a padded toilet seat and a fold-up stool for my son to put his feet on for the potty sits, as apparently it makes it harder to withhold that way (as they're in a sort of squatting position). I pull up a chair next to him and read an interactive book to try and help him relax, and I try to avoid asking him anything about poo or wee! After a couple of months of feeling as though I was wasting my time my son accidentally did a poo during one of his potty sits. He was very upset at the time, but we gave him lots of praise afterwards and the whole family had chocolate. He was delighted, and gradually these successes became more frequent.

The other thing that helped was this blog post from James Parkin, who withheld and soiled as a child and has generously shared his story to help other children going through this: theboywhopooedhispants.blog.... It sounds as though it could help your daughter, as you mention she believes she can push her poo back up (similar to the young James in the story). I think the blog does a great job of explaining to children why this doesn't work.

My son is currently on 2 sachets of paediatric Movicol per day, which makes his poo soft. However this works for us, as I think his withholding stems from some painful constipation he experienced as a child so I'm worried that a hard / painful bowel movement could set him back. Senna did nothing for us, though I know others take it. I should add that he still withholds during the day - I think this will be the toughest part to overcome. The soiling is massively reduced because he will poo during his scheduled potty sits if he's able to and he went to pre-school in pants for the first time ever today. We still have a long way to go, but I feel so much more positive now and for the first time I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I just wanted to share in case any of this helps, as I remember when I felt exactly as you do now. I don't think other people can understand exactly how hard it is and how it affects daily life unless they've been through it as well.

Best of luck to you and your daughter. xx

[Naomi444 in reply to Jellylorum]

Hi,

Thank you very much for your reply!! We do toilet sits daily after eating and first thing in morning, I like u try to limit my talk about poo, as she know says i hate pooing and I’m NOT pooing. Even when she is sitting she holds her wee face .. she is just petrified. We have books reward charts, blackmail, angry, softly softly, it’s hard to work when you know your child is more than likely sitting in spoiled knickers. Hard to go out and about. Movoicol makes her stain/ soil bigger clumps. It’s just a vicious circle. I will read the blog many thanks. It is nice to know I am not alone, the tears and prayers I have shed behind closed doors !!! No one understands, I don’t talk to anyone anymore about it because it just drains me!!

NAOMI x