3yrs 7 months old resistant to using potty/toilet & will hold wees in if not wearing nappy...please help

[Pidge69]

My daughter is 3yrs 7 months. I would say she’s been physically ready for toilet training for at least the last 10 months or so but has been extremely resistant to using the potty or toilet.

She is very bright and has a good understanding of what the potty/toilet is for. When we first got a potty she would sit on it happily and even did a wee in it before she was 2. She also enjoyed pretending that her cuddly toys were sitting on the potty to do wees and poos. However, as she became more physically ready for potty training, even the suggestion of sitting on the potty or toilet or wearing pants, would make her angry and upset. I'm not aware of anything in particular that triggered this negativity.

In November last year, I bought her some pants with Frozen characters on as I felt that if I could get her into pants then the rest would click into place. She wanted to wear them immediately but began to hold her wees in for as long as possible until she would burst; she would refuse to sit on the potty and would have an accident instead which would make her very upset despite trying to reassure her that it didn't matter. So after 4 days of wearing pants and 4 days of her holding in her wees, we went back to nappies and I stepped back completely and stopped mentioning the potty in the hope that she would come round to the idea of using the potty herself. I did also take a urine sample to the doctors just in case there was an underlying issue but this was all clear.

By June, we were no further forward so I contacted the Health Visitor again and she suggested skipping the potty and going straight to the toilet and also suggested using a marble jar which we started approx. 6 weeks ago; each time she sits on the toilet, she can choose a marble and put it in her jar then after 3 marbles, she can pick a present out of a lucky dip bag. This was successful in getting her to happily sit on the toilet and on day 6 she did a wee in the toilet, but that was purely due to lucky timing and because she was completely absorbed in playing a game of barbies with me which meant she sat on the toilet for about 30 mins or so. I gave her lots of praise and let her pick a lucky dip present as a reward; she was really excited and pleased with herself. However, 5 weeks on there have been no more wees on the toilet and although she is still happy to sit on the toilet, she doesn't want to sit for very long and it seems that she consciously avoids letting her wee come out on the toilet. On a couple of occasions she's asked to wear pants with no nappy but this has resulted in her holding her wee in again and after a few hours, asking me to put a nappy on saying that she wants to wee in her nappy and not in her pants or on the toilet.

I did speak to the HV again a couple of weeks ago and we had arranged for her to come for a home visit last Monday but unfortunately she’s now off sick.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice then it would be very gratefully received.

[Hidden]

Hiya , I am really sorry that you are going through this. I don’t have any advice just words of encouragement unfortunately. Keep on going - I know it must be hard but keep going you are doing amazing and just know so many people will be going through the same. There will be light at the end of the tunnel. Let me know how you get on

[Slice]

Perhaps you could try some play therapy of your own using one or more dolls. This is often used with kids who have been traumatized by abuse. Her anger might be a way of expressing her fears. Could it be that she feels safer peeing in the diaper than on the toilet?