ERIC
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Bedwetting

Hi, this is my first post. I am a teenager and I wet the bed. I wet the bed every night and have to use nappies/diapers. I get woken up in the middle of the night as they get so full that I have to wake up to change. I have tried everything and now I even though I change in the night I still leak. I just need to know that I am not alone

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Hi there.Firstly, I am so sorry you are experiencing this problem.It must be very distressing for you.Do you drink a lot of caffeinated drinks? Caffeine is a diuretic and stimulates the kidneys to produce more urine.Have you ruled out a urinary tract infection? Also, it might be that you are over-tired and when you do fall into a very heavy sleep, you are just not able to wake when your bladder gets full? Teenage people do have deep sleep patterns - it could be this simple.Have you tried a bed-wetting alarm? This has a 70% success rate of all approaches.Limit drinks to a few sips of water in the evenings.Please don’t let this get you down, you will beat this - it’s not forever! Let me know how you get on.

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I don’t really drink that many caffeinated drinks- once in a month or something, I try to avoid them because it makes them a lot worse. I am thinking of going back to the doctors for another check up and seeing if there is anything they can do and I am so desperate and am not sure I can take this for much without giving up. I don’t have a urine tract infection as they have done so many tests and all have come back clear. When I was younger I did try a bed wetting alarm but by the time the alarm went of I have already wet the bed and had fully emptied my bladder without even knowing I have wet the bed. I am a very deep sleeper.

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Perhaps you could get back to a routine where you go to the toilet then go to bed at the same time every night.Either set an alarm to go off two-three hours later so you can go to the toilet, or if your parents are supportive, perhaps they could wake you? Unless there is a medical issue, maybe give a set routine another go? Ps, I am a nurse. Go back to the doctor and don’t take no for an answer, don’t be fobbed off! This is your life and you do not deserve to be ground down by this issue.This might sound strange, but ask family members if they hear you snoring heavily then going quiet for an extended time before resuming snoring - this is obstructive sleep apnea and can be a major cause of bed wetting in teenagers/adults.Ask the Dr about this - you may need a sleep study to confirm.Good luck and keep searching for answers.You can get help if you push hard enough.

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Thank you so much for all your advice. Hopefully some might help - but I won’t know until I try

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P.s... Diabetes also causes excess production of urine.Hope I have been of some help.Have you seen your GP?

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I have but there is not much they can do I have done tests and they have come back clear and fine

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MorvN You have been help - I have managed to get an opiontment this morning. They now think that I am really constipated as they felt my stomach and it was hard and this may be causing it. I am now on movcial (I don’t know how you spell it) to try and clear me out for 3 days. However my school have been really not understanding and still want me to go into school as I am going in to Year 11 in September and that if I didn’t go they would not be happy at all - so I went in as you don’t tend to get the poo coming out for a couple of days. The only person who knows the full situation is my parents and my head of year who has let me sit with her all of today as it is so unpredictable when I am going to go. There is my update. This however has just got me more down than I was before I don’t know how much more I can take. The night time wetting has never ever so slightly turned into day time wetting as well - maybe one or two accidents a day. I fed like I am losing control of my own body and there is nothing I can do about it other than wait it out. Sorry for such a long post but I needed to get it all of my chest.

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Ofkfnf, I’m really pleased that you went back to the Dr and now have a diagnosis.Unfortunately, this problem probably won’t be a quick fix, it may seem to get worse before it gets better, but you have to see it through.Once your bowel is empty, you can start a toilet regime to keep you going regularly and allow the bowel to shrink back to normal size and tone.The bladder can also return to normal size and tone.You could also do pelvic floor exercises to help tone up inside- you do these by clenching the muscles that stop you peeing on the toilet.Every time you go to the toilet, you could try these? To start with you might find that the muscles aren’t v strong, but with practise, you could gain more control over the urine flow.Could your mum not speak to the Principal of the school and explain that you need support and understanding and how this is affecting you? She needs to say that (at the moment) you are dealing with a disability and the school has a duty of care to support your needs.I understand that you feel your body is fighting against you.I have a medical issue that is causing me a lot of pain, discomfort and embarrassment just now, but I am not giving up, and neither should you.You have your whole life ahead of you and so many wonderful things to come.I had no confidence as a teen and felt so alone.I never thought life could be worth living, but it is.You will get through these hard times and be a strong person for it.Keep going, you can do this!

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My mum have tried speaking to the school principal however they are no understanding as they see it as a short term thing - the next port of call was my head of year who is really nice and understanding to my needs and will let me come to her when ever I need/want to - which is most of the time. My self esteem is got to an all time low so she is helping me with that. You know how you said you were a nurse - my dr was not very use and just told us to try disimpaction for 3 days. - what does this mean, how do I do it - do I just take the medicine stuff that he gave me and wait - I don’t know. Also what result should I be looking for to let me know that I am empty

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Do I continue to take after to ensure I stay regular after. Sorry if to many questions

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Your bowel is loaded and ‘stuck’.Disimpaction means clearing out all the poo from the bowel.You must take the Movicol as told by the Dr.You will be going to the toilet a lot once the bowel starts moving.You might have diarrhoea.You will be able to feel and see when most of the poo has gone as your tummy will be flatter and softer.It’s a pity you can’t have two or three days’ grace from school whilst you are going through this process - I hope the toilets are close at hand?!

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Thank you for this explaination - it has given me a better understanding. There are many toilets close and have told me I can use any toilet or the disabled one if I need to and I don’t have much time. You help really means a lot to me and any help I can get I very much appreciated

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Any time! 😀

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Do you know of any particular products or things that are good or that you know people have tried and they work especially for night time but now I get one/two day time accidents (that are out of my control) that would work for them? If not don’t worry but I thought it may be worth a try!!

Or even some high capacity nappies for night time as the ones I am currently using I have to change mid way through the night I they I wake up since they are leaking.

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there are a lt of good products available try searching Google you might look for products like the Wellness Briefs,Confidry 24/7,Abena,Molicare there are many more out there just look around most products you find in your local stores just do not offer enough protection

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Ok thanks I presume amazon might be my best bet then?

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that is one choice

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Where else would you recommend to buy - do you have thing I could do to help with the bedwetting as a whole - I am currently (as of today) do disimpaction as my dr think I am servely constipated Is that anything I could do at night to help with bedwetting.

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well Amazon ,HDIS,North Sore Care as I said before search Google

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Ok thanks

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Sorry.I can’t be of much help with regard to these pants/products.Do you have a discreet ‘change’ bag with a change of pants/wet wipes,bag etc you can grab at school if you have an accident? I would use the disabled toilet too - more privacy and space for you.Try to keep positive.

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I don’t have a bag but I do have the disabled toilet that I can use

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You are definitely not alone! My son is 13 and leaks through his Dry Nites pyjama pants pretty much every night. Often there is a huge circle of wee on his sheets in the morning despite going to the loo before bed, wearing the Dry Nites, and doing all the right things with his diet and drinking. Very occasionally though he is dry - this is happening a bit more often now but is still very rare. We have bought an alarm but it never seems the right time to start it for all sorts of reasons, but we must try in the summer holidays. He has also seen a consultant who has prescribed some medication to reduce the amount of wee at night, but we haven't tried that either yet. Have you seen a doctor about this yet? Or you can call the ERIC advice line to chat? If you look back through the messages on here you will find loads from the parents of teenagers. You are not the only one at all - unfortunately it is something that doesn't get talked about enough, but it should. Don't let this get you down - there are many teenagers like you going through this too. Maybe even some of your friends or classmates.

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it sounds like his drynites are not absorbent enough as most pullup type products are not as absorbent as regular diapers / nappies you might need to switch to a diaper / nappy or add more absorbency with a liner or diaper doubler possibly might even need plastic pants to help contain leaks

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That sounds like a good idea that I might try

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I have been to the doctor bu there is not much they can do as they have done tests and they have all come back clear and fine

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Yes, my son's tests were clear too - they think he is just delayed developmentally with this and that's why they think the alarm would be a good option.

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Thank you I need to try this

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TwoDividedByZero thank you for all of your help i have really appreciated it. I went to doctor today to see if there was any more they could do and they now think that I am really constipated and has given medicine to do a full clear out. But I really starting to give up as now I am have one or two day time accidents and it is just so disheartening - that is my update though.

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Yes, could be the constipation causing the night time and daytime wetting. My son could go days without doing a poo and when he did one it was then huge and very painful to get out (sorry if TMI)! He has been on Movicol once or twice a day now for a number of months and this keeps him regular now (daily) and his wetting has improved a little some nights since starting it, though I think his wetting is caused by more than that, but constipation doesn’t help. But for some people it could be that getting the constipation sorted out is all it needs. I hope you might be one of them.

You say in a few of your posts that you feel really down and like giving up. Just checking but do you think you are feeling depressed over this? If so please do seek medical advice urgently.

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TwoDividedByZero I don’t really know how I feel over this but it is definitely effecting me in some way I guess - I mean this all makes me extremely anxious but I wouldn’t say depression I what it is. But my Head of Year has called me into her office to say that some teachers have seen a difference in me so I don’t know. Should I see someone about this?

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It’s hard enough being a teenager these days, without all the extra pressure you’re currently under! I’m not saying you are anxious or down, or that you ought to be, but when you say things such as the fact that you can’t go on like this, oldies like me with lots of life experience get ringing alarm bells! If teachers have noticed a difference in you as well that’s also interesting.

Can you make an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you are feeling, as they will be used to assessing people’s anxiety levels. If they feel you are particularly down or anxious they could refer you for some extra support. If you do go to chat it through with them then do it as a separate appointment from a bed wetting one, as the rule tends to be one problem per appointment.

Is there a school nurse or welfare person you can turn to also? They don’t need to know anything about bedwetting to be able to chat through and work out if you are more anxious or down than would be ideal.

What does strike me though is how mature you’ve been in coming on here and seeking advice and support, and taking all our comments on board. That’s a real positive and shows initiative and resilience - well done. Plus you’ve gone to the doctor again and they have taken you seriously, and are taking steps to help you that you are engaging with. These are hugely positive steps you’ve taken. I’m so impressed and I bet your parents are too.

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I don’t think I can face a doctor about my anxiety - my head of year has helped me through thick and thin and has always been there for me so I guess at school I have her but I can’t even think about going to doctors for my anxiety it makes it go through the roof - but thats another topic

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What can I do before bed to help with the bedwetting situation

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well use the bathroom before you go to bed will help

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Ok

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hi if it's of any consolation to you i have a 11 and 9 year old that still wet the bed so you are not alone

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Logan-jay Sorry I have only just seen this - how do you deal with this do you have any advice or useful tips that you have used that have worked.

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drink more fluids through out the day go to the toilet just before bed and try a different night time product to drynites one's that are more absorbent

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I drink 2 litres a day is that enough - do you know of any brands that are good (not drynites though) that have a high capacity.

How are your two children doing are they getting any better

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that is fine to drink i guess my two are not any better the oldest wears size 7 libero nappies and the younger one can just about fit into size six nappies but we will switch to size seven as well soon

there are several youth nappies on the Internet

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Sorry if I am asking to many questions but I am just trying to find out as much advice as I can. Do your children have a routine that they follow or not? I currently don’t but am wondering if I should be

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Has any one got any advice on how to deal with it

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Have you tried the alarm at all? What are your parents doing to help you?

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We have to so many doctors and they all say the same “she will grow out of it”

It is so embrassing and I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this.

We have try the alarm when I was younger and had no success so maybe that it one to try again.

My parents do as much as they can but the only soultion at the minute is to wear a nappy at night and these leak also and I still wake up in the night to change. I don’t know what else to try

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dpcomm1 has it right, Drynites/Goodnites just don't work past a certain age as the urine output is more that they can hold. (Understand that most kids who wet the bed do so several times a night.) The problem with them is that they sacrifice capacity for discreetness. I don't know if you can get access to the Tranquility brand of protection in the UK, but they have ATN diapers and pull ons for kids and adults. Be sure that what you chose is for night time as they will have more capacity, Some brands make an ATN and a day time diaper. Look for booster pads to add to the capacity of the garment. Make sure that the bed getting wet is from being maxed out as opposed to leaking. Something else you can do that may help is to go use the bathroom when you wake up wet even if your bladder is empty. Go through all the routines you would during the day. If you should wake up in the night having to go so bad, or even already started going, get up and go use the toilet. This will help in training your brain to wake you up before you start peeing. Something else you might want to consider is getting cloth bed pads. They are pricey, but are usually thick enough to absorb most of what gets out, and it's a lot easier just to have to wash the pad then strip your bed and re make it every night. Good luck.

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Thank you for you advice. I actually don’t use dry nights I use adult nappies and these are fill to the max and that is why the leak. The problem it that by the time I wake up because I am wet I have already fully emptied and have no more unrine left to pass even if I did try to go. My brain does to give to signal that I need to go. I also don’t know that I have gone until I wake up since my nappy is so full it can’t take any more urine.

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you probably need a higher capacity diaper / nappy or you need a diaper doubler / booster pad and you might consider some plastic pants

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What is a diaper doubler - have you had any experiences with these - were they good? - sorry if I am asking to many questions I just can’t take it much longer

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a diaper doubler is an absorbent that you would wear inside a diaper to increase absorbency

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Ok- that sounds useful

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Can I even get a higher capacity one then adult ones

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well the question is what are you currently using? there are a good selection of high capacity diapers available

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I don’t know which brand my mum buys

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I think the only thing that I have seen called "diaper doublers" are for baby diapers. In a pinch, you could use several of them. I'm guessing from referring to your "mum" that you are somewhere in the UK. Moli/Molicare is probably your best bet. Here's one site that I found but it is just for info. I have nothing to do with the product. ageukincontinence.co.uk/inc...

This is just one that I found for booster pad insert: nappiesrus.co.uk/lille-heal... Basically, they look like a woman's maxi pad, but they have NO plastic backing on them. The capacity of the Moli's is huge so you may not need the extra pads. So far as the bathroom routine, it doesn't matter whether or not you have already emptied your bladder, the point is training your brain to start making connections between the actual voiding, and waking up before you wet. I would also look into why you're putting out so much urine at night. Have you been checked by a doctor to make sure that you don't have a medical problem such as diabetes? Also, you may want to see about the possibility of a sleep study to see if your sleep patterns are normal. Hang in there! You can deal with this and get through it. I wish I could give you links to another forum that has a lot of good stuff on it, but that particular forum was shut down by the company that runs the site.

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I will look into them products - I have been checked for medical issues and I am all good apart from the fact I have a really small bladder which has recently resulted in me getting sudden urges to pee during the day - leading to many accidents. I have had a couple of urine tract infections but that is it. I live in London.

Is it worth when I wake up in the night to try and go to the toilet even if my bladder is already empty?

What is a sleep study and what does it do?

I am going away in a couple of weeks and was wondering if you have any tip or advice to help with this. Even if it is the smallest bit of advice.

Any advice it more than appreciated

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So far as the first question, it's always worth a try and it may help. The problem is that if it does, you'll probably never know. LOL A sleep study is something that is done in the hospital, usually over night where they hook up electrodes to your head and follow the eeg to see what's going on with your sleep patterns. It absolutely doesn't hurt. I've had one done for obstructive sleep apnea.

Now a question for you. Are you a guy or girl?

So far as the trip, we'll start with a list of things that if you don't have them, you should get them for the trip.

1. Protective garments both for day and for night. If you're going to have something heavier by trip time for nights, then something like Drynites will be fine for the day time

2. A protective mattress cover or sheet to go on whatever bed you are sleeping on. If you are going to be in a hotel, wetting the mattress there can increase the cost of your trip substantially for cleaning or replacement of the mattress. Often times the bigger places will have something that they can put on the mattress, or have mattresses that have built in protection, similar to that of hospital beds.

3. Absorbent bed pads as additional protection but also to collect any urine that gets out of the garment.

4. Small bags (like Ziploc) for the daytime accidents to put wet garments in until there's a more discreet place to dispose of it.

5. Disposable washcloths for cleaning up after accidents. This will minimize the problems with odors. DO NOT flush these down the toilet.

6. A "kit" bag to keep all this stuff in while about your day.

Plan carefully as you may get stuck somewhere in traffic, or the underground, or some other form of transportation. You definitely don't want to have an accident in public. In other words, plan for what could happen, not what is likely to happen under normal circumstances. If you're "normal" travel time is more than 1.5-2 hours, or there is a possibility that you might fall asleep be sure to have protection on.

If you are a girl and need to deal with your period, DO NOT use a sanitary napkin inside your protective garment as this is likely to interfere with the garments ability to absorb the urine. Just use the protective garment or a tampon if you like.

One last thing is that if you are having UTI's DO NOT restrict fluids to minimize your wetting. You need the fluids (hopefully mostly water) to flush out the infection.

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I am a 15 year old girl.

What do I do if i am travelling ok a plane and I have a suitcase allowance

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You should have allowances for 1 carry on and 1 in baggage. You might want to have something a bit larger than what you carry around normally with your personals such as wallet, makeup and the like. That bag would be your "kit" bag. In that, you want to have 2 maybe 3 pull ons, disposable washcloths, and plastic bags. Be sure that you have protection on before you leave for the airport, this way you are covered for the trip to the airport, through security, and if you're close to departure time (not enough time to use the loo first), to hold you hopefully until you can get into the plane lavatory. I would strongly suggest to you that you wear either a dress, or top and skirt. This will make protection changes much easier in tight quarters like the lavatory. Remember that you're probably not going to get more than 2 wettings before maxing out the garment. If you have time some day, you can put a pull on on and hold your bladder until your maxed out and keep it on to see if it will hold a second wetting. If that works, assess how full it is and see if you think there's room for another one. If you are fairly close to maxing out the garment after the second voiding, then that should be enough to see that that's all you'll get out of it. For all of this to work, you have to pay attention to what's happening and not let yourself miss the fact that you've wet yourself, especially when it's the second one. One other suggestion. Calm down! :-) You can do this and you have done so well to seek out help from others on your own. That's huge!! Of course you will have more protection in your stowed luggage for day and night while on the trip, and also for the trip back. Depending on where you are going, you may need to over stock stuff for the trip if it's some where where you are not likely going to be able to purchase more while on the trip. You go girl!!!!! You are awesome, and you CAN DO IT!!!!!!

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Something else I just thought of. Do you have one or more super close friends? If so, you might want to consider talking to them and tell them what is going on. If they are a really close friend, they won't be troubled by it and can be a huge support to you just by being your friend.

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Thank you for all of your advice - a lot of people have found out about my bedwetting and baldder problems and have stopped being my friend so now if I make friends I try to hide it

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Sorry to hear that. I guess you get kind of an idea of who are your real friends. I don't say that you should tell everyone, but if there is that one person who has really stuck by you, almost as if they were a brother or sister, they will stay with you. Please understand that their avoiding you probably has nothing to do with you but that the situation creeps them out. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a big fat hug! :-). Perhaps with the help of your mom, a teacher, or other adult at school that you are fairly close to, they could help you with either new friends, or restoring old friendships. You're not going to be friends with everyone, that's just reality, but it would be nice to have one peer that can accept the situation and be a friend regardless. Understand also the mindset here, this is a subject that makes people uncomfortable, and as kids, they are afraid losing friends or getting teased for being your friend. It's not right, but it's just the way it is. Always remember that you ARE awesome!!!!!!

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Thank you - sometimes I just don’t believe I am good at things and have no confidence in my self

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Hey Sunshine, how about an update? It's been a week. Hope all is going well with you. :-)

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No better - sorry not much to update you on

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How are you doing with the bowels? I believe you said that the Movical finally did it's trick, but how are you managing keeping things moving there? Just remember that you are a smart, and capable young woman. You ARE awesome!!!!!!

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The movical did work but then the doctor took me off it and I am going back to not making a bowel movement for 2-3 days. So I don’t no what to do. I feel like I am just wasting time - I am starting to struggle

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Oh dear! Check out this link, it may help. webmd.com/digestive-disorde... There's some other stuff on dried plums (prunes) or the juice that could possibly be better than the psyllium that's in OTC constipation relief treatments. How are you doing with physical activity? You need to get plenty of exercise. Running, playing sports, and so forth, just get moving. This will help get your bowels moving. In the mean time, hang in there. Don't get discouraged, or lose hope in a solution. If one thing doesn't work, try something else. Don't go crazy on it either as this can send you into the opposite problem. Question, are you taking any meds that could be causing this? Talk to your doctor about it. The other thing is that it's possible that you need to have a complete work up to determine whether your intestines and bowels are working properly. Hang in there and remember what an awesome person you are. So far as the bedwetting goes, you're just going to have to be patient. You can do this. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. There's another thing I've thought of, and that is that it may be that the doctor didn't want to keep you on something as he wanted to see what was going to happen after the disimpaction process. Some more to think about. One of the things that may be upsetting you is something to do with the fact that you are "different". The reality is, that many people go through this. If we weren't all a little different, it would suggest that we are all clones, and that would be a pretty boring existence. I know it's hard, especially at 15, but just hang in there.

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Thank you

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Hey Sunshine! There's something else I thought about. It's possible that the doctor doesn't want you taking something all the time as it can develop into a dependence on the medication for you to be able to move your bowels. I would not go even with OTC (over the counter) remedies for this unless instructed by your doctor. What I would do is concentrate more on the dietary things and the exercise (mostly just spending time to be really physically active). This can be with walking, jogging, dance, soccer and more. One of the things that's well known in older people is that when they get to the point where they can't be fairly active, they have problems with constipation.

I'm curious if you would be willing to tell us your first name. I will not ask you for your last name or anything about where you live, nor should you give that information out. From what I've read so far you are from somewhere in England, but I won't ask for anything more specific. When do you leave on your trip, and how long will you be gone? If I don't hear from you, have a great time. Don't be worried about the bedwetting issues, as you already know how to manage that, and I know you will do just fine. Remember to plan ahead and either make sure that there are places to get more supplies where you are going, or over pack what you think you might need. Remember lighter protection for the daytime, both out of courtesy for others, and minimizing any embarrassment. You ARE awesome!!!!!!!!!

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My name is Charlotte - I do live in England. I leave on Tuesday at like 2am and am away for 10 days. Have you tried anything that works best for traveling

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I'm sorry to say that I can't help you there as I've rarely had an issue with constipation. What I can say is to look at the links that I gave you and get an idea of what "adjustments" you can make to your to your diet that may help. I don't know what you normally tend to eat so I have no idea if there are some of the things suggested that are lacking from your diet. Just remember to keep your head high and deal with this as needed. That includes having the things so far as protection with you that you need. It's also possible that you may experience some problems with bladder control during the day if you are still having issues with bowel movements so make sure that you are prepared for the daytime as well. One more thing, and that is to remember to relax so that you can enjoy the trip. It's not too hard to wear clothing that will do well in hiding the fact that you wear protection. The other good thing is that it's likely that most of the people you see on the trip are people that you never see again, so what do you care about what they think? Stay strong and trust yourself that you can do this. You ARE a very capable young woman. Remember also to give yourself a pat on the back as it were when things go right, and not dwell on the things that go wrong. You're not perfect, and no one expects you to be (except maybe you LOL) to be perfect. Have fun on your trip!

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Thank you for all you help - I can’t thank you enough

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Hey Charlotte! How did your trip go? I hope things went well. I just came back from a decent trip myself of around 1900 miles round trip. I went to see my nephew, his wife, and their kids (3 and 5). I had to drive, because I had to take my companion, a bearded dragon, with me as I couldn't leave her alone that long. It was a great trip and had a great time. I went from NY to Georgia. I stopped at a place called Luray Caverns on the way back where they have a "stalacpipe" organ. It's a setup with 87 notes each one on a stalactite. There's a setup for each one with a solenoid and a rubber mallet that when activated strikes the stalactite and makes it ring. The stalactites are the mineral formations that come down from the top of the cave, the stalagmites are built up in the bottom. Well, with everything I had to do to make this trip, I told my niece in law that I had a whole new perspective on parents going on trips with small kids. LOL I'm exited to hear how things went and how you did with managing everything.

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I guess it went ok - I am still bedwetting and now am starting to soil in my pants. I don’t know how to deal with this so if you have any advice on that it is much appreciated. I am so stressed with it all as I am going in to Year 11 in 2 weeks and I can deal with this and exams. Any advice?

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Hey Sunshine! Oh dear. First off, tell me a little more about the soiling. Is this at night while sleeping, or during the day, or both? Is it full blown bowel movements, or just a little bit of poo? Are you still having constipation? If so, what you are experiencing is leakage around the constipation. In part, it's the body's way of loosening up the stool by retaining lots of fluid and trying to push the fluid through the gut. Keep the fluid intake high, even though it may increase the urine output at night. Keep the drinking of sugary or caffeinated drinks down as this will make you pee out more water. Also, when on your period, and cramping, something like acetaminophen is okay, but other remedies that have diuretics in them should be avoided as this also makes you pee. You can't deal with it? Sorry, but you don't have much of a choice. What are you going to do, crawl in a hole and die? Of course not!!!!! and if you start feeling that way, get help. Talk to your parents, a minister, a teacher at school you trust. It's okay to feel bad, to be down, and sad, or even angry. What's important is what you do with those feelings. Don't make rash or impulsive decisions even if you get that upset. What you need is someone, an adult you can trust, to help you put things in perspective. I was talking with another young woman on another site who had Asperger's syndrome. She had many problems with bedwetting as well as daytime issues, something common with aspies. I and a few others were trying to help her, and she seemed to be doing well, then we didn't hear from her for a long time. Eventually there was a post from her mother who informed us that she committed suicide. Such a sweet young woman, what a tragedy. I think all involved wished that had it gotten that bad, she would have told someone and asked for help. I certainly don't think that you're at that point, but I too have been near that point. It was my mother who recognized the signs and knew that part of the problem was that I wasn't eating. In my case, as despondent as I got, I don't think I would ever have had the courage to go through with it. Speaking of help, maybe if you got together with a couple of friends, and with your mom and told them what's going on, your mom can help put things into perspective and perhaps have them look at it differently. What is going on with you is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of as it's a medical issue. I don't know of course, what you actually look like, but you are a beautiful and articulate young woman. Try not to get caught up in the what ifs. Just deal with things as they happen. Yes, I know that's hard, but getting yourself all worked up and upset isn't going to change anything but how you feel overall. Hang in there! You CAN do it and you CAN deal with it. And remember that YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!

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My soiling is both day and night - they are definitely more leaning towards full blown bowel movements. I am definitely consitpated as i maybe have 1-2 bowel movements a week if I am having a good week. How would I deal with this at school?

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I think you and your mom may need to go either to your regular doctor, or another doctor to see if you are having motility problems in your lower GI tract. Have you been doing any changes with your diet to help soften your stools? Find ways to help yourself go. One of the things that may help is to get something like this to help: squattypotty.com/ If you have some way to do this without spending the money, that will work okay too. The idea is that it helps better align your rectum with the last part of the lower intestine and makes it easier to move the bowel. Here's another site that gives you ideas on good foods for this as well as an explanation of the "proper" position for having a bowel movement. This is where the other link comes in. stylecraze.com/articles/foo... Another thing to have evaluated is whether your bladder is in fact fully emptying when you pee. Like I said, hang in there. I know you feel like you can't handle it, but as unpleasant as it is, you can. One other thing you can look into is the Peristeen pump by Coloplast. This is a way of essentially giving yourself an enema, but it's not as complicated or messy. You will need assessment from your doctor, and a prescription for it. Enemas are not something that you want to start doing without consulting your doctor first. The advantage with this is that you can control for the most part when and where you go to the bathroom. However, I'm sure your GP will want to try some other things first. Is the stool that is coming out hard? if you have gone in your pants, does it still feel as if your bowels are full? The answers to these questions could help you determine whether you are having full bowel movements, or leakage around the blockage. So far as when school starts, with bowel issues, informing your school is a must. This, as opposed to pee problems, really is a public health issue. Kids may not react to it well, but in this case, they understanding that this is a true medical problem may help quite a bit. Right now I'm wishing that there was a way to reach through the internet (and the computer LOL) and give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be okay. As long as you are otherwise healthy and active, dealing with this is nothing more than a pain in the butt (no pun intended) and a great big inconvenience. Be that strong person I know you are.

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What is an enema? It comes out hard and I don’t think that my bowel or bladder is fully empty as I get the urges quite a bit to pee. I am soiling a lot throughout the day

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An enema is usually water, or water with salt or medication that is put into the colon to help soften the stool. There are some risks to this especially on a regular basis so it's a good idea to talk with your doctor. The first thing I want you to do is find something or things to make a temporary "squatty potty" and give that a try to see if it helps you empty your bowels. Make sure that you are eating more of stuff that will help you get your poop softer. The frequent urges to pee are probably because your colon is so backed up that it's putting pressure on the bladder much the same as what happens in pregnant women. When you say soiling, are you talking about pee or poop? I ask because you say that you are only pooping once or twice a week. If you are pooping daily, then change in diet and a better position while pooping may make a big difference. If the soiling is mostly wetting yourself, then you need to get to your doctor sooner than later and get them up to speed with what's happening. Getting a severely backed up colon could be very serious.

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The soiling is mostly poop however when I get the urges to pee I often don’t make it in time and end up having an accident.

Do you know of any food that makes your poop softer. What do enemas do?

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Read the last response, and then go to the one before it for those answers.

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Hi Ofkfnf. My son is age 14 as well and has always wet the bed; 2 or 3 times a night before we finally got a referral from our GP to a bowel clinic when he was about 9. Thing have moved a long way forward since then, positively, and things can move forward positively for you too - but you need some proper help I feel, which you don't seem to be getting at the moment.

Question: when you go to your GP do you go alone or with a parent? The way you speak it sounds like you are doing this on your own. If that is the case, do you mind me asking why?

Question: have you always wet the bed or did it start at a particular point?

Question: has your GP ever referred you to a paediatric specialist and /or a bowel clinic? You need to be under a paediatric consultant - fast! If you are not, make an appointment with your GP immediately, go with your parent and request a referral to a paediatric consultant as a matter of urgency. If your GP is uncooperative (although there is no reason why they should be), make an appointment to see another GP in the practice (you can request to see any GP within your practice). You need regular monitoring and a proper treatment plan. In the meantime, request along term repeat maintenance prescription of Movical, to help eastablish and maintain a good bowel habit.

School: don't try to be at school and deal with dis-impaction at the same time. Apply your teachers criteria for should they be at work; if they were doing this would they be trying to teach class at the same time? Of course not! Don't ask for permission not to be at school; your parent just needs to write a note saying that due to your medical condition you will require xx days to follow a particularly difficult and distressing course of treatment and should they require further details they can phone your parent. (When we have done it we have started major doses of Movicol on a Friday after school and generally been back at school on the Wednesday. 2 days off school - so what - all for the greater good.)

Dis-impaction: you had a very good reply from someone explaining what that was all about. But 3 days worth of Movicol from the GP will just not cut it! Proper dis-impaction can take as long as a week, followed by months (at least!) of a maintenance dose to keep everything moving smoothly, to give your body time to learn what a good, regular bowel habit is. You should aim for a poo at least once, and preferably twice, every day. Familiarise yourself with the Bristol Stool Chart (Google it). Poos which look like a 3 or a 4 in the pictures are what you are aiming for. Make time for a poo; feet flat to the floor (or on a low stool if that is comfier), lean forward.

Basically, a full, distended bowel presses against the bladder, reducing the bladder capacity, but also stretching both the bladder and the bowel which, long term, makes them less effective muscles. So the objective is to keep the bowel as empty as possible, to allow everything to 'tone up' again and maximise bladder efficiency; keep your fluid intake up (the 2 litres you mentioned is ideal - well done!). I'm sure you already know this, but try to 'top load' daily fluids, with half being drunk by lunchtime; try to avoid/limit fizzy drinks full-stop and avoid drinking blackcurrant squash and tea after tea time (makes you wee more!) Also, make sure you empty your bladder properly. A previous answer described double-voiding; when you have finished your wee, pull the muscle up, hold it a few seconds and push any remaining wee out, then wait 30 / 40 secs (jiggle about or even sit on the toilet ) and then try to wee again. So, now you will be drinking enough, filling your bladder fully and then emptying your bladder completely (no residual wee left behind) and doing a smooth 'sausage' poo twice a day.

If you see a paediatric specialist you will probably be prescribed Desmomelts (synthetic Vasopressin, the hormone which concentrates you wee at night). It needs careful use but will give you dry nights (although it is not a cure for bedwetting) and is more effective than any sorts of pads at your age and can normalise life.

I really felt for you when you said what happened when you told friends before. My son has only ever told one friend, a boy who has been his friend since he was 2. I think on the whole this is one not to share with friends; the chance of spiteful or just unthinking comments are too upsetting to risk I think.

In case it helps you.... My son is 14. He didn't make the jump to dry nights before he started school, but he didn't have day time accidents.He wasn't constipated before he started school but he certainly was after starting Reception (although I didn't realise until he was 9 what had happened to him); he also started having day-time accidents, but I still didn't make the constipation connection. When he was 6 and would wet the bed 2 or 3 times a night and showed no sign of improvement I went to the GP. The GP referred him to the paediatric community nocturnal enuresis clinic. We were given an alarm to borrow for six months, but no-one checked/noticed he was constipated and I didn't know that this was a major factor at this time. The alarm at this point was utterly useless, we were discharged. Helpful! We struggled on for another year in pull ups which could no longer contain the sheer volume of urine coming out of him. I should probably point out that my son was a bit of a sleep-walker and certainly a very heavy sleeper, which clearly didn't help matters. We went back to the GP who referred us to the paediatric bowel clinic. This was a revelation and the nurse who ran the clinic the most useful thing that happened. I discovered that he only had a poo every 4 days and was massively impacted. We started on a programme of establishing good bowel habits and the nurse immediately prescribed Desmomelts to take the pressure of wet beds off constantly. Life for my son improved 1000% over the space of a few weeks. He would still wet the bed when he came off the Desmomelts (you need to break every so often) but life was normalised; school trips were not only possible but pretty much worry free for him. Sleepovers were possible, even if he had to be careful about what he drank and taking his tablet correctly. when he was 10/11 the bowel clinic lost it's funding and closed; the nurse discharged us with a repeat prescription and instructions to continue and go back to the GP for re-referral into the paediatric specialists if he wasn't dry in a year. He wasn't and we did, but things were greatly improved.

There is a lot more to my son's tale, but this is probably all you need for now.

Speak to the helpline at ERIC if you haven't already.

Sorry this is so long and bossy sounding!

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