Sorry never been on a forum before but I’m so worried about my 10yr son.
He is wet day and night.
He says he doesn’t know it’s happening and when he is wet it will not admit to it. He will have an excuse and no matter how many times we tell him it’s okay just let us know so we can get fresh clothes etc he still won’t admit to it. He will go very quiet and won’t talk to us at all about it.
He had been on oxybutynin for a few years and day time accidents were reduced. His consultant has asked us to come off the meds for 6 weeks and see how it all goes. The 6 weeks are up and during the 6 weeks the accidents during the day have increased and his bed time wetting has also increased. The night time pull-ups we use leak every night 😥
The hospital have suggested Tolterodine which we will be trying this week.
Has anyone any advice on how to deal with him not admitting to having wet himself?
He is going away for two night with the school early next month and I’m frightened that he will have accidents and the other children won’t be nice about it .
Will be greatful for any advice
Thanks in advance
H
Written by
Helenofcork
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I feel your pain. As a parent who has a child with these symptoms, we obviously worry!
My 8 year son has daytime wetting only and is on Vesicare. After trying Oxybutin then Tolterodine. First one made him angry. Second one made no difference. I've recently found out that This medication he's on now is the most expensive bit potentially has less side effects (obviously everyone reacts differently to different meds though!)
I'd say stick without a Tolterodine for at least 3 months, do a chart towards the end so you can see if there any changes then contact your consultant to discuss next steps. (Always take copies of these charts so you can refer back them inthe future!).
Night time wetting. I have no personal experience with this but having read on this forum, there seems to be a different medication for night time wetting. Again contact your consultant about whether Tolterodine will help with night time accidents
There also threads on here with recommendations on where to get pull up pants for night times
School trip. Arrange a meeting with School asap. They have to be on board with this Ask them to pack pull ups for him so his class mates don't see them, the TA or teacher could have a code word so the teacher can pass him the pull ups before bed time.
Basically put yourself in their shoes with all of this. It's all about keeping their dignity, keeping it under the radar from their class mates!
I had one long chat with my son whereby he could say whatever he wanted about his situation! It came to light that he "just wanted to be normal like all the other children". Which of course broke my heart but he told us older kids hang around the boys loos, the floor was always wet, both reasons meant he didn't want to get changed at school. I met with the head teacher. Who's spoken with the cleaner, now patrols that corridor more so, my son has a lock box in the loo with spare clothes in. There are solutions if you ask them what they want to happen or what will make their life easier.
What also came up was he was fed up of talking about this all the time. So that's what has changed for us and now we're all more relaxed about it. Now part of his routine is that I leave a towel inthe bathroom , he comes home from school has a shower, gets changed, then he can say go outside and play. I've explained I will do whatever I can to make life easier for him and promise not to tell him off anymore for not making an effor to go the loo. This was another thing that cropped up. He was scared to say anything for fear of being told off by any adult.
Through guilt of previously telling him off for having accidents I have taken a step back and let him work some things out for himself and yes he does still sit around in wet pants sometimes but he's getting better so I'm hoping my essay has given you some positive vibes to possibly have a chat with your son and ask him what he would like uou to do to make things better and everyone work together as a team to make some slight improvement!!
I just wanted to let you know that his behaviour in not admitting he is wet is very common, particularly with older children. From what I have read and in my own experience with my 12 year old, our children feel they have no control, no power over their own bodies, so they outwardly ignore the problem. It's a type of self defence.
I found this all exhausting but it was nothing compared to how exhausting it is for my daughter. In our situation we made sure she knew that these issues were happening to her but were not who she is and that as her Mum and Dad the three of us together will try to make things better.
One thing I would stress is to not underestimate how this affects your son, particularly as he gets older. Let your specialist know that he is in denial about his problems.
Would echo what the others have said. My daughter would also deny all knowledge that she'd had an accident but fortunately for me, she won't make a great poker player as, the opposite was often written all over her face! She'd try not to lie to me by saying "I don't know" - which was a sure sign she did!
Talking to the consultant she was absolutely adamant that this is a coping mechanism where kids don't feel in control and therefore pretend it's not happening. We've overcome it by me having to take a real step back and give her the independence to just go and sort it out without me. We have deal that she just changes and puts any wet stuff in the bath so that I can clear it up later. She's 8 now and been doing it for a few years this way, often making a bit of a mess in the bathroom when she was littler but rather that than all over the house. We also talked about the fact that I wouldn't ever get cross that she'd had the accident but I would be cross if she lied to me or hid things from me and that these were very different. It took time but gradually we've got to a happy balance so now even if I'm 100% sure she has had an accident I'll never call her on it, just suggest maybe it would be good to go and do a quick check.
As for the trip, you absolutely need to talk to the school. I've kept a really close dialogue with our school and, on the whole, they've been brilliant in helping find ways round things. I've never done it formally but just found a teacher that I know my daughter would be comfortable talking to. It's so difficult but I've talked quite openly with her about who I've told and the likelihood that someone at some point will say something nasty but that if they did then that says more bad things about them than about her and she should just ignore it. It really paid off as we had first instance of little boy shouting out about her and one other little girl "weeing like a baby" recently. She handled it brilliantly, didn't rise to it, just ignored it, friends rallied round, teachers had said to let me know which she did, but she was more worried about the other little girl who sadly got really upset. Was a one day wonder and next day all forgotten......but very proud Mummy for how well she dealt with it. Think it might have been different if I'd not prepared her for it though. Probably difficult to do if your son is in that absolute denial stage but worth considering as you'll need to prepare him for handling it when he's away anyway.
Just realised how much type I've now done but hope some of it helps and best of luck to both you and your son. It's not easy but know you are definitely not alone!
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