I am a South African who on the 31st of January 2019 went for radical prostate surgery and removed prostate. Since then I have not recovered from incontinance, I am still using male pads. My urologist says I may have damaged a nerve during surgery. Another problem is that I have erectile dysfunction. At age 58, my wife is 14 years younger than me and still very sexually active. Unfortunately I cant satisfy her. I have tried several medication to help solve this problem. I also tried to go for a penile implant unfortunately my medical aid does not pay for it.
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I have found the elator to be very helpful. Sex with it isn't as good as before having brachytherapy, but it's a whole lot better than not being able to have intercourse. See theelator.com.
Tri-mix injection is the only thing that has worked for me so far. Start at a low dose. My doctor started me on too much and it was almost necessary to visit the hospital.
Surgeons are always optimistic about post surgical outcomes. They omit a bunch of stuff. I was 66 in 2019 when I and my RRP surgery and suffer from the same outcome that you have. You aren't alone, but that doesn't make the bedroom any easier! If you haven't tried injections talk to your urologist. Good Luck...but it basically sucks!
I went through all the emotions you described. I even believe my Dr's deceived me, but you have to come to terms with your situation. The Dr's are bastards. I do not feel I was a candidate for surgery as my psa was very low but I have tried to make peace with my situation. Try to get Trimix. It is painful but it is the closest you will get to an actual erection. I saw the ads for the elator but I concluded it was too complex to use. Hang in there and do not give up. Life's not easy.
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