Living is just horror

[peter-o]

There is no point to living anymore. Life is fear, nightmares - horror I've done so much wrong I needed some sort of lobotomy. It's terror and horror that I don't understand. It's as though it feels like there is something involving me that I don't know about and that the need at that point was the surgery. I don't feel I can trust reality anymore and that it's just horrifying for me. I don't understand why though it all just feels horrible and horrifying. I wake up and my heart and ideas and ideations just race. Horrors that during some unknown times were awful things happening and that those times were my fault for some unknown reason, and therefore I had the surgery. It's unknowns that have resulted in horror and destruction of reasons for living, and that things are confusing. So much a blur of confusion. As though there is a cover-up from my line of understanding, but that it's messed up so my entire understanding lines are nothing but blur and horror.

[e-in-me]

Hi Peter-o,It would not surprise me if many people are going through through the same as yourself.I do sometimes and find that these problems go away and come back,so i find its a part of life which we have to go through.It might be a good idea to contact your local 'open minds' centre, it is a free service and i'm not ashamed to say i have been there myself when feeling 'down in the dump'.Keep your chin up and think positive....no negative vibes i say! It sounds to me like you need to talk to someone just to keep you on the rails.I hope thing go ok for you and i have helped a little.

E- IN-ME.

[peter-o in reply to e-in-me]

Thank you though I'm still working on it... though I haven't had seizures since the surgery it has altered reality into a nightmare

[e-in-me in reply to peter-o]

Your doing ok mate cos when i had surgery things were ok for a short while then other problems started for me such as spasms and falls ect.I wish i could have been in your boots and not have any more falls as such.Keep going and i'm sure you'll get to a better stage though i must admit it does take a while.cheers.

E - IN - ME.

[peter-o in reply to e-in-me]

I've started having awful feelings that in addition to the awful effects of the surgery that now I might be having the type of seizure where there's not unconsciousness and tremors but rather deja vu, panic, terror, conspiratorial suspicion, nightmarish reality, horror - and there's no way I want another surgery - I'd rather just kill myself