I have recently taken medical retirement due to bladder complications from endometriosis. Frankly it's been very weird! I have only ever studied or worked so I feel a bit lost at times. Although I have had a lot of time off sick for surgery, I always felt I had 'beaten it' because I still had my job. But not any more.
Sometimes I feel very angry about having lost so much due to endo - big losses that I am reminded about every day include:
The physical ones:
- my rectum
- more bits of bladder than I care to remember
- having lots of energy
And the emotional ones:
- the confidence to have new relationships
- the career that I worked so hard for
So, I am facing the anger head on. Counselling is helping, along with painting and amazing friends and family. The people who pull through for you aren't always the ones you expect to.
I miss working in a way that is hard to explain. I had a high pressured job working long hours in a senior professional role. It took me many years to get there. My former boss tells me I am now unemployable despite a string of qualifications and 18 years of experience in my field.
On good days, I know I am lucky and have been treated well. But on bad days, I am afraid that, even with trying to be positive, I can't hide my sadness on this. Somehow, our losses have to be mourned before we can move on.
I am really looking forward to the day when I know I have moved on from this.
Take care ladies xxxx