Relationships?

Has having suspected endo or having it caused relationships to breakdown?

[limbiloo83]

Hi rh7662, Unfortunately I have experienced a relationship breakdown in the past, but I have also had some where they have been understanding?

Feel free to ask any questions hun x

[Hidden]

I dont think my boyfriend can handle this, I always want to please people but just now I have to focus on myself and its like hes just not here for me. Maybe I am just being emotional today and overall selfish. I dunno. Is just so overwhelming xx

[NoshB]

No your not being selfish at all I mean if your with someone you expect support and sympathy which is what people withall illnesses need. One of the reasons I dumped by ex BF was because of lack of support and he was such a bad influence on my health, he could not understand why i was always tired and couldnt drink alcohol every night of the week, he thought handing me over booze and getting drunk was the answer to this and since I have dumped him I have never looked back and I have no regrets. Sometimes it is better to be alone than be in a relationship that can bring more stress to your health!

You need to do whats best for you.

N xxx

[Hidden in reply to NoshB]

Hi NoshB. What you have said has worried me but i do feel like im not getting enough support from him. Lastnight he was meant to stay but as soon as i said i was in pain and probs couldnt have sex he said he would just stay at home. Today he said he was coming over for dinner and didnt come cause i said i was tired and a little sore. I dont know how much longer i can be tired, sore, emotional, depressed etc and worry that im pushing him away. I have been a bitch to him but to be fair i dont mean it, it just comes out. Today has not been a good day with lack of sleep him being whatever and the fact I have been cramping all day like my period will start and i am on the pill. I dunno what to do. I do feel alone and thats not good when in a relationship. sorry for the rant xxx

[limbiloo83]

hey rh7662, I know exactly what you are going through love and im sorry that you are experiencing problems.

I think it would be a good idea to sit him down and ask him how he is feeling? I know that it is us that is going through all the pain and problems but from my experiences it effects him as well. It could be he is scared of what is happening to you or doesnt understand what is happening. But the only way to find out what is going in his head is to sit him and down and the talk love.

I hope this helps and if you do talk to him please let me know how it went xx

[NoshB]

rh7662, Limbilloo is right, you have to talk to him, you both dont know how you are feeling, people cant understand another persons illness whether it be mental or emotional. I tried to talk to my BF about this and sometimes he did understand and was so kind to me at times but this only lasted a short while because I guess he got bored after awhile or it seemed like I was lying or playing up on my illness and I ended up believing this, I honestly think he couldnt handle me being sick all the time and all he did was try and get me drunk hoping I would forget about it. I stayed with him so I wasnt alone and actually suffered depression whilst with him but when I realised the relationship was putting a lot of stress on me and in turn making my health worse i decided to put an end to it and for me personally it has overall been good for me emotionally and even physically because im not getting drunk or feeling stressed about him all the time.

But everyone is different you might find when you have opened up about this it will bring you closer together. When you are in physical pain you need all the support you can get you dont need more stress which is something that aggravtaes my Endo.

I actually feel less alone now than when I was in the relationship with him!

I am so determined now to find someone who will support and understand me.

I hope everything works out for you and hope at least your pain has gone.

N xxx

[Hidden]

Hi

I know I need to talk to him. he is meant to be coming to mine for dinner, iv made half of it but just cant stand up to make a cheese sauce at the moment. I dont want to lose him but I am going to leave it upto him, if he can handle it and be there for me then he needs to step up but if he cant then he needs to step out so to speak. I cant deal with the stress anymore. Iv been so upset these past few days, im tearing up just writing this and i dont know what to do. Plus my mum and sister are away to Australia for almost a month seeing family and my first scan is on Friday coming and i just dunno how to do this alone.

Rach xxx

[limbiloo83]

hey rach,

It does sound like you are in a very stressful place in your head at the moment.... Have a really good cry love. When you have spoken to your BF give yourself and him a few days space so you can both take in what has been said and spoken about and arrange to meet up again after those few days.

Im am currently kinda/sorta seeing someone (if you know what I mean), and even though I have been down this path a thousand times it still makes me nervous when I talk to them about my problems. Sex is very painful for me but bizarrely 2 days before my period there is nothing, no pain it is my "go for it day" as I call it.

The guy im kinda seeing is scared sometimes that he will hurt me and I did sit there and think "here we go again", but I explained that if it was was that bad he wouldnt get anywhere near and I wouldn't just "lay there and think of england" so to speak.

Some men feel helpless and scared, others dont understand or dont want too as there is still that "ewwww she is talking about her female probs".

If he doesnt feel like he can go through this journey, it will not be the be all and end all as you will start to feel bad about yourself. It is perfectly normal to feel like this but rach love, please remember you are a strong woman dont let the endo take you down that path. You can talk to us girls on here anytime, as Im sure like me many women have been that path of thought.

Please feel free to talk or ask anything and please let me know how you get on at the hospital xxxx

[NoshB]

Hey RH, This is not good you to feel like this, you really need help emotionally, a lot of us have been referred to councellors to help us and I think you should really consider it, you need to see your GP again, it does take a long time to get seen and im still waiting to see one but you GP might refer you quicker. its so sad to hear you like this and your BF should have came round and helped you with the cheese sauce!

Theres people who have stuck by their partners who have had cancer so this really should be nothing for men! we are still woman at the end of the day and we still need help and support from out partners even if there was nothing wrong wth us.

however if he still with you this can only be a good thing right?

I send you so many hugs and I hope you get through this, you dont deserve this!

N xxx

[Hidden]

Hi. We had a talk and he said he can deal with this so i am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. I have told him that if I am a bitch or coming across selfish then he has to brush it off and deal with it.

I am unsure if I want to see a councellor, I am studying Psychology so i technically should be able to help myself, I know I am getting depressed over this. My friend is coming round tomorrow I think with her son who is nearly 8 weeks old and i love him to bits but where my heads at, at the moment, like the chance to have kids can be taken away I dont want to say to my friend aww can u just leave him at his grans. I just dunno how to deal with anything. Scan on friday and I am having that break through bleeding thing even though I am on the pill so thinking of just having a period next week (stop taking it on Sunday) but that means going behind what my doctor says but i think it could be making me worse. Who knows, will ask whoever is doing the scan on friday.

Rach xx

[limbiloo83]

hey love,

Dont be your own patient hun, give the counsellor a go. They will refer you to someone who has experience with helping others coping with endo.

Im sure if you explain to your friend about how you are feeling she would understand, it is perfectly normal to be feeling like this at the moment as your kinda in limbo with not knowing and not many answers. I would personally keep taking the pill but go see your gp explain about how you think it is making it worse and the break through.

Im glad you sat down with your BF and talked through it, remember to talk to each other about anything concerning your endo as it will help you and it will help him and understand more.

Please seriously consider the counsellor as I think it would really help you at the moment. take care of yourself hun xx