Feeling guilty for cancelling plans

[razzledazzle1]

I have had to cancel several plans in the past due to having an endo flare-up or just generally not having enough energy to leave the house.

I am usually a 'yes' girl but at the moment feel like I can't commit to anything due to not wanting to let anyone down.

Does anyone else feel guilty for having to cancel plans last minute? And how do you usually make your 'excuse'?

My friends understand as I can explain what the actual problem is but things like exercise classes/lessons/work parties or outings etc it is harder to explain, and saying I am 'unwell' every time I worry that people regard me as flaky rather than actually not being able to attend.

Can anyone help? xxx

[Moon_maiden]

Hi

Could you tell them that unfortunately you have a disease that can cause issues now and again, no cure as yet, but sometimes you can’t attend other things.

You don’t have to mention what it is exactly.

[Linley]

I used to say I am waiting diagnosis surgery and am in pain, otherwise my nearest and dearest knew the truth and understood if I said I could not make a date.

[Bespp]

I used to feel guilty but thankfully no longer. I started speaking very openly to anyone and now my closest friend understand. The pain is to big to care about the social life sadly but I know what you mean. Be gentle on yourself and accept that life with endo is not the same.

[Bethleah]

Over the last 7 years I have missed out on nearly everything, weddings, birthdays, christmases, general get togethers, even funerals. Sone things I’ve tried and had to give up during to go and lie down. These are all family events though as I’ve lost friends due to the condition and am pretty housebound. You just have to be honest and explain your condition, maybe give them some info from endometriosis uk. Remember it’s not you but the condition you experience that prevents you from going. If you can accept this and let go of your assumptions of others perceptions you will let go of the guilt and be better mentally/emotionally. I find it’s hard enough without worrying what others think. It may be possible for you to just turn up for events if you are having a less bad day. Talk to them them may surprise you with ideas on how you can join in.

[PYT1]

Hey,

Sweetheart, you don’t owe anyone an explanation and be careful with the words spoken into the atmosphere. Over the years, I felt guilty and I would make up excuses and white lies, which would make things worse. There is no need to do that. Endo is disease that causes much dis-ease. You have the right to keep that to yourself. If you come off flaky to others, that’s their problem. Unless they can help you, comfort you and give you advice towards feeling better, let it go! Yes, I’ve missed out on YEARS of sleepovers, parties, events...I also was very transparent with bosses about my Endo. You can only do what your body allows. Don’t push it, don’t lie about it, and most importantly don’t feel guilty. I always told myself that if it was meant for me to be there, I would be there. Those words kept me encouraged to move forward with Endo. Having this has its challenges, but things will get better. Do your research and try natural supplements to help your discomfort. I’m 44 and I’ve had endo since I was 12. I am still playing the guessing game to get relief, but I try my best to no longer blame myself. Be encouraged!