sex

[Tessaroo]

Not being able to have sex with my boyfriend is slowly deteriorating our relationship... Sex is so painful within entering and during that i just can’t face the pain anymore. Has this happened to anyone else or does anyone have a similar experience? I really don’t know what to do, i don’t feel like a normal woman or girlfriend and i’m not able to give him something that is so huge in a relationship. Very much doubting if i should carry on the relationship and let him be free...

[Lu1u]

Have you spoken to your doctor about this?? You need to make sure the dr understands just how much this is impacting your life- I don’t have this problem but have heard of others with it and seen an op on embarrassing bodies that sorted the prob out! Sex is always an awkward issue when there are issues!!! It becomes the elephant in the room- but so long as you are honest and open with each other it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship!! There are other ways of being intimate without full penetration while your waiting to get this prob sorted!! Stay strong and push your dr to help you! I’m sure you can resolve things- if your partner loves you he will want the best for you- work together- not apart! Good luck xx

[Tessaroo in reply to Lu1u]

Yes my doctors knows, having my first gyno appointment at the end of this month which is a positive! Thank you for your advice it means a lot xx

[brightbunny]

Hey...

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I can completely relate, my ex boyfriend and I had the same problem (not that yours should become an ex!) but I did really struggle.

I know this isn't ideal but have you tried taking a painkiller beforehand? I've also heard good things about working on your pelvic floor.

I never felt good enough, I would have to stop which made things worse, and he would get upset about hurting me, ad the fact we couldn't sleep together like other couples. At the same time, I was the one feeling pain and guilt at the same time! It's hard, I completely get it. I would just advise communicating with your other half regularly, if you aren't already, as he may feel better about the whole situation... and you can talk openly and logically without frustration and guilt in the way

[Tessaroo in reply to brightbunny]

i haven’t tried a painkiller before hand actually! that’s exactly how i feel, like i’m not good enough and it’s a horrible feeling because none of this is our fault! xx

[brightbunny in reply to Tessaroo]

No, completely understand that. It's never easy is it... and one of the things that is supposed to make people feel nice is at the top of the list of things that hurt!

[HellyLlewelly in reply to Tessaroo]

Went throught this with my first long term B/F and since with Hubby.

Having a low/tilted cervix and adenomyosis and endometriosis with past adenomyoma and uterus cell erosion, this all or part of, made for painful sex. Sorry to say but what helped me (sorry to be geaphic) getting in the mood from my end (ie actually being aroused not trying when Im not, a little alcohol to release stress, lubricant (you can get fun fruity ones) and plenty of exploratory 4play on you to get your excitement and juices flowing. If I ever tried without all the fanfayre it wasnt possible - no, not straight in up against a wall like in the movies? I dunno if anyone does it like this but to me its absurd and my husband sais the same as it would be very difficult to penetrate without any natural or aided lubrication!

Get to learn how to please eachother with lots of foreplay before the act...its actually better love making and will bring you closer.

I hope this isnt condescending to you it isn't meant to be.

A lasting relationship and man who loves you will find this eroginous not a chore.

Good luck.

Helly

X

[feisty-girl in reply to Tessaroo]

Really feel for you hun ,never feel like you are not good enough!! I had 14 endometriosis surgery s in past and at many times could not be intimate "had find other ways to satisfy my husband because of the severe pain.At the point now been six years this time from crohns Disease. Just try make your man feel special a lot of foreplay &remind him how much you love & appreciate him don't let the guilt ruin your relationship!!keep strong hun hugs xxxx

[Mermaid-Galaxy88]

Hi!

Yes! I'm exactly the same..Ive been with my boyfriend for 14 years..and endo has ruined my life..I'm 2 weeks post lap and they found it covering both ovaries and womb..I'm in pain all day everyday and just the thought of sex makes me nervous!

They've put the Mirena Coil in (which is to soon to tell anything) But when I go back in a couple months I'm going to tell them I just want the endo taken away! It's already been 5 months since and I feel awful..I ask him if it bothers him and he understands..but I just feel sad when i think about!

I've told him other's with endo have the same problem and it's not just me! When I go back in April 2019 to see my specialist I'm going to say that I want the endo taken away!

Hope you feel better knowing your not the only one going through this! pm me if you wana chat x

[Tessaroo in reply to Mermaid-Galaxy88]

Thank you for making me feel like it’s not just me going through this! I hope everything is good for you in the future xx

[SarahMia227]

Hi - it's not just you, I can totally relate. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and for maybe 3 of those, sex has been excruciating for me. It definitely makes me feel like "less of a woman" - and combined with the endo belly and stomach pains, I feel less sexy and I don't even want to do non-penetrative stuff with him. For what it's worth, he loves me very much, and I know that we're happy with each other in every other way. Perhaps the best thing to do is to talk to him about how you're feeling? I also feel incredible guilt that I'm stopping him from enjoying his 20s, that he should be with another woman etc. Sometimes you just need to hear reassurance that that's not the case xx

[Tessaroo in reply to SarahMia227]

This is 100% how i feel and things that i am thinking and it’s really nice to know i’m not alone , thank you xxx

[Livingdeadgirl]

Hey,

Sorry to hear that you're in so much pain

You are not alone in this either. I had a cervical ectropion 7 years ago when I was about 2 years into my relationship. The pain was too much and our sex life became non existant. I was so stressed and upset about it because, to me, it's a really important part of a relationship. I spoke to my boyfriend and while he agreed it was important, he told me it wasn't the most important thing. I had a lap and they cauterised the area and we were able to have sex again. (My gyn at the time did nothing to explain to me that I acrually had endo so I was ignorant for the next 7 years).

Fast forward 7 years and everything is back with a vengeance, only worse. My pains began a month before our wedding last year and we have spent most of our marriage so far unable to have sex. I had a lap and another cauterisation 3 weeks ago so we are yet to see if anything has changed, but I'm not fully prepared for this to be a reoccurring thing. Luckily my husband understands.

Have you spoken to your boyfriend about the situation and asked him about how he feels, and told him how you feel?

Have you spoken to a GP or gyn about this also?

[Tessaroo in reply to Livingdeadgirl]

Hey! Yes my GP does know and i have a gyno appointment at the end of this month so hopefully will start having some answers! I have spoken to my boyfriend about it but it never feels like he understands and i just always feel this horrible guilt. Thank you for sharing your experience with me it really means a lot xx

[HellyLlewelly in reply to Livingdeadgirl]

Reading this has just made me realise I had endometriosis from 2005, I had an "eeosion on lining of the womb" cauterised, ectropian - I cant believe Ive been in pain with this for 13 years plus yet Ive just been told on hysterectomy this year that I was riddled with it.

The coil a year later almost killed me I bore it 8 months and was in daily chronic pain.

The cauterusation did stop the intermittent bleeding though.

The sex before the cauterisation was hell and I bled every time.

This was early 20's.

God, this condition has had me in its hand for 20 years, I want to cry.

Helly.

X

[Livingdeadgirl in reply to HellyLlewelly]

I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through. It makes it worse that we put your lives in the hands of gynaecologists that we assume know what they're talking about when actually a lot of them just want to get you out with no real explanations or care.

I even asked mine (naively) if the 'ectropion' I had cauterised 7 years ago had come back and I was shrugged off and made to feel like I was being stupid. And yes, it turns out it has come back and because no one explained endo to me properly it has been allowed to take over dor 7 more years.

Did your Dr tell you to go on the coil to ease it? Xx

[HellyLlewelly in reply to Livingdeadgirl]

@Livingdeadgirl I bore the coil in 2006 for 8 months I was in severe pain, its common on this site that for women with possible 1 to "several" gynae conditions such as endometriosis adenomyosis low or tilted cervix, ectropian, that it doesnt agree with all of us. I so wanted a stop to the bleeds and birth control at the time but in so much pain I had to go home ill from work, lost a job over it and was on 4 sets of ibuprofen with shooting pains down my legs daily. 8 months and I coughed for family planning nun nurse and she got it out and said it appeared to be lodged correctly with strings etc intact?

I was young and shy and very trusting in medical people and hence believed it would settle but it actually irritated me and I still had cell erosion or intermittent bleeds on it. Obviously no sex for 8 months. My partner also convinced he could feel it during intercourse.

I always felt extreme pain if my cervix was banged off of during sex 🤢🤢🤢🤢

Its an oprion but if it feels horrendous after a few months trust your body trust your instincts and have it removed if its causing lufe altering pain.

Good luck.

Helly

X.

[Livingdeadgirl in reply to HellyLlewelly]

Thanks for sharing Helly! I'm leaning towards not wanting it atm.

It sounds like you've been through so sooo much xxx

[Ari3l]

Hey, I suffer with extreme pain when having sex and lucky for me my boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and goes with me to my appointments. The pain is one of the key reasons I got referred for a lap, my gp originally couldn’t examine me because of the pain so I definitely know how you feel.

What’s helped my relationship is communication, we talk about everything when we’re not in a vulnerable position, I.e. when we have our clothes on still! Through communication and experimentation we have managed to find things that work for us. I know it’s easier said than done but don’t get down on yourself for feeling like less of a woman and as for feeling like you should let him be free, that’s totally his decision, if he loves you and wants to find a way to make it work for both of you, let him. You should really try to have an open conversation about how you both feel, if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that when in a relationship endo affects both of you (I hope that came out the way I meant for it to, I totally didn’t mean for it to be patronising!) If you want to chat, please feel free to give me a message xxx

[Tessaroo in reply to Ari3l]

Thank you! It’s so nice to know i’m not alone in this! It’s so hard when it’s a natural part of a relationship and such a big thing xx

[Ari3l in reply to Tessaroo]

I agree with you, it is such a big part of a relationship, and it can become so stressful sometimes when it’s meant to be fun! Really hope things get better for you! xx

[HellyLlewelly in reply to Ari3l]

Remember ladies no one does it like in the movies, up against a wall and straight in there 🤣 ...I wish producers eould stop giving teenagers this false preconception of this is how sex is to be enjoyed...

To me it would feel like rape and my husband simply would keep on knocking but he wouldnt get it 😂😂😂...dry labia can be instant bat wings, shields of steel 🤣🤣🤣

[Suzileverell]

Hey, I really feel for you! I have the same problem. I'm working on my pelvic floor which seems to help a little bit. But I've also been to see a therapist which has helped alot. Just by talking to my other half about it all has been amazing! I had the same feelings as before of feeling useless because it destroyed my last relationship. My other half now has told me he's not bothered about sex and that there are always other things we can do. I still have this feeling if guilt but I know I shouldn't have because if someone really loves you that much you shouldn't need to have full on sex to be together.

Xxx

[Lucy_x]

Hello ,

I’m exactly the same ! When I got with my boyfriend I was a virgin so at first I thought it was just the normal pain , however I literally can’t have sex anymore because the pain is AWFUL! I let my GP know and she tried to do an internal examination and I was just in agony crying on the bed - in the end she had to stop! I have never felt pain like it ! And like you said, it just leaves you feeling so rubbish and almost abnormal . I always think ‘well why is this happening to me’ ‘what’s wrong with me’ ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ etc xxx