Endo, trouble conceiving and nosey people

[maaf]

Does anyone else really want to scream in people’s faces when they go on and on about you having kids?? Do people not think that after being with my husband for 12 years and not having kids that either we don’t want them, or can’t have them?? It’s a question I wouldn’t ask anybody!! Sorry for the rant just feeling a bit emotional about it all at the moment lol xx

[Hidden]

This question used to seriously get on my nerves so I know exactly where your coming from! I know people who are actually really happy & content in life without wanting kids so personally never understood the need to ask people this question myself. I was working on a bank basis in my local hospital so worked with so many new people & one of the first things I got asked was have I got kids, each & every time. I felt even worse about not being able to get pregnant or stay pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I was desperate to become a mum but life is still worth while if it wasn't to be. Xx

[maaf in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, that’s good to hear. I know it can be great, I jut need to get over this emotional hurdle!! Xx

[maaf in reply to Hidden]

I keep thinking about all of the amazing holidays, the very tidy house etc but I just don’t think I’m there yet xx

[Hidden in reply to maaf]

I was the same this time last year, we were taking long haul holidays & really making the most of them. I was planning all the places I wanted to travel to & other stuff I wanted to do. I knew having IVF in March was pretty much my last chance & have been so lucky to have it work. I wouldn't have been ready to accept being childless before trying that but in time know I would have come to terms with it afterwards if it hadn't worked. I'm sure it would have taken counselling etc but know life could still be fantastic , just not how I would have chosen to live it. I think we all come to a point where we know when to let go. I hope all your dreams & wishes for the future come true. xx

[AllthatGlitters in reply to maaf]

Think about what you have instead of what you DONT have 💕book a nice break for you & your husband x

[Tallulah182 Moderator]

I am in the in between phase of accepting i cant have kids and trying to work out the new path my life is taking.

Its so hard without people being ignorant and asking questions like that. I feel i am quite level headed when it comes to speaking about it. Honestly, my usual tact with people like that is to openly say that i cant have children. This usually makes the conversation very awkward but that is their issue not mine. If they didn't want to hear the answer why ask the question

I think the thing that gets me the most is the small things that connect from having kids, like Christmas, mothers day and the sort of day to day things most people take for granted.

You will get emotional but take it day by day and be kind to yourself x

[maaf in reply to Tallulah182]

Thank you, I did say that to one colleague who asked about kids and as soon as I said I can’t have children he laughed and told me “you can’t say stuff like that” 🙄 I will just say it now though going forward, you’re right it’s their issue it’s awkward, thanks and I hope you figure out that path xx

[Tallulah182 Moderator in reply to maaf]

haha thats a classic, 'you can't say stuff like that' and laughing too. Way to make things worse. Most people i have said it too usually apologize and try and change the subject or get away from me as quick as possible!

I think sometimes that when you try and hide it or brush it off it hurts you more because you feel like its something you should be ashamed of.

Hope things get easier for you too! x

[AllthatGlitters in reply to maaf]

Of course you can say stuff like “that”, he shouldn’t have asked, nosey sod!

[maaf in reply to AllthatGlitters]

He was lucky I didn’t hit him ha ha

[ChloeL934]

I had this too, last week. I got married a month ago and my wedding recaption, I had people asking me “when’s the kids then?” And I popped into my local post office start of this week and the lady who works there is a family friend, said to me “oh you’ve been married a month now, when are you going to make your mum a grandma, have you’re kids early” I hate that question. I personally wouldn’t ask people as I feel it’s just so personal. Hope you are ok xx

[maaf in reply to ChloeL934]

Also, you’ve only been married a month!! Some people eh?? At first I was saying we wanted to enjoy married life now that’s a while ago I am going to start saying I can’t have children and then see how people squirm!!

[AllthatGlitters]

Tell me about it! I could have written this myself and posted here last week about this and people being so bloody damn nosey, intrusive and down right rude. I have been with my husband for 6 years and we don’t have kids. I don’t know if I can or not, I have Adenomyosis, 1 chocolate cyst and possibly Endometriosis which I am waiting to have a lap for. I am personally not strong enough to have a child, I often just don’t feel that well, lack energy, I need lots of rest and sleep.

You always get the look of they feel sorry for you if you say you have an illness that means you maybe can’t (then they ask about your illness) or if you say you don’t want. It depends on who I am talking to what I say. Most people I know who have kids moan about them, they suffer from a lack of sleep, stressed out, no money.

I love my life, why would I change it and why can’t people stop asking. People put so much pressure on others, I often feel like saying GTF!! That’s putting it politely. I am 37 and I will come to an age when people will stop asking, hopefully! Rant over!!!!

X

[maaf in reply to AllthatGlitters]

It’s so bloody nosey of people isn’t it!! I had a scan yesterday and she mentioned adenomyosis which I’ve never heard of before. I already have endo so hope I don’t have anything else on top of it! Before people stop asking you they’ll start reminding you about your biological clock 🙄🙄 x

[AllthatGlitters in reply to maaf]

I have not had that reminder YET. Sure it will come x

[Jess-Louisa]

Completely agree, a friend has become recently but has decided to have an abortion. Breaks my heart how it’s so difficult for me but some people don’t appreciate how lucky they really are

[maaf in reply to Jess-Louisa]

I know it’s sad, a woman I work with has a child that she sees once a week and that is such an inconvenience for her. I just want to shake her and tell her how lucky she is! I never wanted to be that person who says people don’t deserve kids, but I feel I’m getting to that point. I don’t want to become bitter but it’s hard x

[kittykins7]

Hi Maaf.

I totally understand what you mean. I am 44 and don't have children as it has never happened for me, and now I know it's down to the Endo and the infertility. But yes, people look at you as if your not normal not having kids, and can be in-sensitive. And even worse, once you explain due to Endo and infertility, its as if ' oh ok so your not strange then, its just that you can't. so that's ok then' !! Yes. a rant can be good to get it all off your chest.

[maaf in reply to kittykins7]

It definitely won’t be the last rant on this subject? Have you come to terms with not having children? Any tips?? Xx