Endometriosis UK
34,001 members30,427 posts

Dyspareunia worsening

Just a vent post really but explicit topic. Sorry. Having the week off work and after a fairly dry spell my husband and I booked a date night in a local b and b. He even bought pink fizz and a lovely bubble bath. Till now it's been a case of finding the right angle discretely and ignoring the discomfort that follows. But it seems things have moved on. Recently a post coital cystitis like allergic like bladder reaction. But this time the next stage seems to have become that now any entry, any angle is properly painful. Hubby tells I'm distracted gets frustrated and the upshot was one big row and a ruined romantic meal instead of a lovely date and Hubbys rants including suggestions of leaving. We've talked since and he understands better and is generally supportive but its left me feeling emotionally battered and insecure. Especially as unexpectedly a cancellation consult happened the next day, with my 3rd and more painful internal exam. Just demoralised and struggling now. On top of the perpetual fatigue and tons of job pressure on top of it all.

How have other people coped with the relationship strain and physical issues??

6 Replies

Aw I really feel for you. I think the men in our lifes want to understand and be supportive they struggle. My husband constantly worries he's going to hurt me therefore won't initiate anything which leaves me feeling really not confident and self conscious. Have u been seen by gynaecology during your examination for a plan?

I find that enjoying other physical interactions and not just penetrative sex helps in my relationship when I'm sore.


Does it hurt upon entry? Or with deep penetration

Not a lot of people know but endometriosis is known to cause pelvic Floor Dysfunction in either the superficial or deep muscles of the vagina which can cause pelvic pain and dyspareunia.

Pain upon penetration tends to come from your superficial muscles right at the entrance and pain upon deep penetration often is from your PC muscles.

Here are a few videos (I know she has IC and not endo but she talks about the different products)

This girl has endo:

Try to find a physiotherapy location.

Look if your husband is threatening to leave you about not having sex you need to sit him down and explain to him you are sick also that what he's doing is a form of sexual assault called coercion:



Thanks Lcurley and Hannah. Always been deep pain for a long long time which I used to put down to banging the cervix but must have been partly endo but I used to be able to find an angle that wasn't so deep and not so painful. That gradually became deep pain every time. This week it was uncomfortable while going in.

No, no coercion involved, just words in a bust up with him trying to cope with it all I guess. I've always had sexual issues for other historic reasons and he is pretty special to choose to be with me. I worry this might tip it over the edge.

I have an MRI soon for endo so given my Uro bladder problems I guess I should ask for them to look for this too.

1 like

Pelvic floor dysfunction may or may not show on ultrasound or X-ray only a trained Gynacologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist can find it.

Also get some swabs done, BV isn't an std it's a Ph imbalance which can lead to PID and cause the pain your describing too.

This is going to sound odd but lay down like you would at a Gynacologist's office and insert 1 finger, if it's PID it is gonna burn like hell.

If it doesn't do a kegel and you should be able to feel the muscles near your finger, go along the muscle and if any pressure hurts, pelvic floor dysfunction is probably the problem.

While you wait for a therapist I can give you a massage, first practice on your hand b/c if you do it the wrong way it could result in hand cramps or just hurting.

Make a circle with your hand, then use a finger form your hand to trace around the inside of that circle adding a small bit of pressure. Move down there and massage on the left and right side along the muscle you felt before for 10 minutes each. You might be in pain upon penetration because the muscles of your perineum are tensed up, massage the perineum with your thumb. How you know if the perineum is loosened up (sorry for the TMI) is you will start hearing and feeling the muscle move around. You can also get a small vibrator and use it along the muscles before sex.

If you can't feel yourself do a kegel that means a muscles really weak which you should then do 10 kegels each for 10 seconds with a break of 5 in between and then 4 more with 2 seconds squeeze, 2 seconds release.

Also since you've had sexual issues before you may have vaginismus which is the contraction of the vaginal muscles upon penetration. There's different muscles so it could mean anything superficial to deep.


pelvic floor dysfunction it's pretty common with people with endo, I'm 17 and I had pain when sitting when I was 14.


Hi again - with nodules on what will be your uterosacral ligaments (and therefore immediately behind your cervix) plus suspected adenomyosis I'm surprised you can tolerate sex and internals at all. Every time the penis rams against the cervix with what you have many women pass out with the pain. Have you described exactly what this is to your husband (there are pictures on the files on my FB group). Essentially you have hard lumps on nerves that his penis is ramming into. For you to have sex would be like him attempting it with his balls full of marbles. x


It's such a hard part of endo. My boyfriend now barely touches me or anything as he's worried it will just lead to me crying with pain or running to the loo for a pee every 30 seconds. But it's such a strain. You want to be intimate but you yourself are worried about the aftermath of pain, especially as it can last for days after. There is no real right response for the men in our lives. It's super hard. In my experience we've had huge fights initiated by me because I honestly do not feel he wants to be with me or be intimate with me when the reality is he's too scared to hurt me. Which is sweet but frustrating.

1 like

You may also like...