I've been in a relationship for 6 years and ill for 5 years (diagnosed). About 18 months ago my partner stopped sleeping in our bed, we don't live together, she started sleeping on the sofa in the living room. Prior to her moving into the living room we had stopped being intimate with one another since 2012. I know a relationship is multi-faceted and being intimate is not just the only thing that should keep a couple together. She was never romantic, she's not that kind of person, no cards or gifts at Christmas or birthdays, no surprises or moments planned and kept secret, no 'I just saw it and thought about you' gifts, no 'that's our song'. During 2013, we stopped kissing and touching, we don't hug, we are not close, when we bump into one another in the kitchen, the response is 'Oh sorry'.
She used to box and do judo for Great Britain and she used to play football for Wimbledon so she has always been into sport and the health stuff that goes hand-in-hand with being a sport person. In February, this year an acquaintance of ours was talking to her and told her about a movie 'Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead', she went out as soon as possible and got part 1 and part 2. The movies have become her bible and now she has days without eating just drinking juiced raw 'GREEN ONLY' vegetables.
She has fibroids, she won’t seek medical help for them because of the treatment - they either shrink them inside and leave dead tumour's there, or take them away do a hysterectomy which eventually will lead to ‘breast cancer in her body because of the build-up of oestrogen’. The stuff she has read, read again, memorised and read again just for the good of her health, is amazing. Sometimes I may think ridiculous and over the top but it's her body I guess and she 'does not trust any man, in a white coat' as 'men are not natural care givers and should not be gynaecologists', and that this country only 'treats the symptoms and ignores the cause'.
When we are together, everything is OKish, apart from the intimacy and actually being in one another's three-foot zone. When we are apart, we talk on the phone about 'Juicing green', 'How difficult the juicing is', 'about my job and the company I used to work for' (I am a maths teacher).
We never say 'I Love You anymore'.
We never go out just for the sake of being together, eating out is a no-no due to the green juice thing, going out I get tired (I have Mobility Difficulties – require two crutches to walk and I am talking to GP regarding a wheelchair. – can’t detect a pulse in both feet, a Grade 3 chondromalacia of the left patella femoral joint - require two crutches to walk and I am talking to GP regarding a wheelchair. Fibromyalgia, Arthritis/ Osteoarthritis - require two crutches to walk and I am talking to GP regarding a wheelchair, Polymyalgia/Polyarthralgia - require two crutches to walk and I am talking to GP regarding a wheelchair, Achilles Tendonitis Right Ankle - require two crutches to walk and I am talking to GP regarding a wheelchair, Cluster Headaches, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Bowel Weakness/ Bladder Weakness, Chronic Endometriosis, Functional Movement Disorder, Monostotic Fibrous Dysplasia, Oedema Left leg, Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, Dysphagia and Hemiplegic Migraines), she hates pubs and she does not drink alcohol, she can't take even a sniff and we used to laugh because one Christmas she got drunk on Sanatogen. I don't drink because when I first started to get ill my dad died of cancer and I attempted suicide, so I have been dry since 2006.
When I want to talk to her about where we are in life, it's always the wrong time, I am crying inside. I want to put my arms around her and hold her close, I want to kiss her and feel her kiss me back, I want to be together intimately just one more time (I would never let go) if that’s ever going to happen.
She does not work, she never has worked since we met, she is 53 and I am 49. I was sacked in May this year for being ill. I fought and have won a £9,000 pay-out.
Every day (including Saturdays and Sundays I have trawled through the job pages on and off line and have got myself a new job, I start 12.10.15, even though I am sick, I can’t give up working. She has been on JSA since before we met, she has to do something called ‘job search’ every day, it is required she finds and applies for 3 jobs a day. She does the job search, but she has got a messed up CV, a CV that’s is half done and a CV that is ridiculous, these she sends into jobs adverts and never gets an interview. She wants the ‘perfect’ job – a job she will learn from, a job she can do 16 hours at, a job in a field that she went to University to do, but a job that is not out there at all.
She comes to hospital appointments with me and GP appointments. She was helping me to clean my flat (that’s all stopped), she was helping me by cooking (again all stopped – since the [GREEN]). She tried again for carers allowance two weeks ago, but because I only get low care (not PIP yet, have sent the stuff in with help from Benefits and Work guidance booklets) she was turned down. All her benefits were stopped, all her housing and council tax stopped everything, and I am on the wrong side ‘I don’t understand, I have never been on the dole’.
I go from one hour to the next, thinking, I will call her but then I don’t because I know what the conversation will be like and everything will be other people’s fault, ‘no jobs due to fortress Europe’, things are going wrong because ‘we the people’… her neighbour… the list goes on and on, I find myself just saying ‘yep’ or ‘no’.
I hear myself saying to other what I am going through is not healthy and to end the relationship, but I don’t listen to myself. My heart is breaking as I write this. What do I do?
5cm deep ovarian cyst - not sure what happens next
Does this happen to anyone else? 
BGSE Clinic Referrals - Still Happening?
What stage is my end?
First lap tomorrow, nervous but relieved that it's finally happening 
