Having childeren before marriage due to potential fertility issues with endo... Peoples honest thoughts on children out of wedlock ...

[Lauramarie1988]

I just wanted to know ladies thoughts on having childeren if your not married!? I Have been with my boyfriend for 6years, we have a perfect relationship, are financially stable, as ready as we will ever be for childeren, & have a brilliant support network of family locally... But the one thing that gets me is we are not married & I worry this will be frowned upon!? I'm 27 with stage 3 endo, the doctor told us to start ttc asap. I am worried waiting for my partner to propose before we start trying to concieve may jeopodise our chances! If he popped the question there's always a registry office, but to be honest Iv always wanted a nice wedding at some point in my life and don't want this endo to take that from me...!! What's everyone's thoughts, am I just being old fashioned or should I try and hold out for a ring... Bloody men 😜!?xxx

[Mindstorm]

I honestly don't think anyone cares if you are married or not anymore. You could always ask him to marry you!

[Mummy1982]

Oh hun.

I have recently been diagnosed with Endometriosis and Adenomyosis, I am 32. I have been in chronic pain nearly 2 years before I got my recent diagnosis and the pain still isn't resolved I will need a hysterectomy to stop this pain.

I feel so blessed to have had my 3 kids when I was younger (20) when I had my first child, some people may have frowned upon us but you know what had I waited until the kind of age I am now the likelihood is I wouldn't of even been able to have them.

I think if you are ready and you are in a stable relationship then go for it. Because you don't want to be looking back thinking I wish we had started trying before.

I hope it all works out for you hun xx

[dolly26]

Go for it, I was told to start ttc at 24 and had only been with my OH a year and a year later he proposed and a year after that we fell pregnant naturally. So in 2.5 yrs my life has completely changed but as long as you both feel ready go for it and no one in this day cares really if your married or not. Good luck and hope it happens nice and fast for you xx

[Leesac21]

Go for it x

[Hidden]

It's not a big deal nowadays as it used to be. Have you two discussed being married to one another? Maybe he is happier without the piece of paper (some people are) and willing to have kids. Does he want kids at this point in life? If you both decide yes, but decide to hold off on getting married, that is ok too. I know loads of people who have kids w/o being married. The only thing people seem to look strangely upon anymore is if you have had 7 kids with different dads.

[Mindstorm in reply to Hidden]

I'd add young parents to that list. I got some pretty snotty glances many times, I was a young looking 18 year old when I had my daughter. My husband and I were met, married and with a baby in jst over a year which raised a few eyebrows but it's our 20th wedding anniversary this year and we're still together. Also got told many times that she was very well behaved/pleasant/bright/polite and that they didn't know how I did it as I was so young. Difficult to keep your tongue when their kids are starting a riot because there is no discipline!

I don't think there is a "right" time for having kids nor are you ever "ready". It really is a life changer which then goes on and changes your relationship at regular points - carwling, walking, starting school, big school, exams, leaving home etc. It's more important that your relationship is solid and you are willing to pull together than whether you have the paper saying you are married.

[Aj2010]

You just do what is right for you. I had both my children before me and my husband were married and our wedding day was then extra special as our 2 beautiful babies were there to share in our special day making a truly magical day. We then shared and unforgettable family moon in Disney Land Paris!

[Noguat]

If you're both ready, do it! I wish we had started trying sooner.

Deciding to have children (or not) has nothing to do with anyone else, regardless of your marital status.xx

[Bobenhams3]

Do what's right for you. I did it the 'right way' and wish that I hadn't. We started trying for a baby after we got married and 4 years later and 3 rounds of IVF we are still trying due to my severe endo.

I was worrying about disappointing people and just assumed it would happen

[Hey_Becks]

Hello LauraMarie,

I have been facing this same decision! I am 24 and my partner 27. We have been together for 3 years and live in a 1 bedroom flat. It's very expensive to move anywhere bigger and this is a big concern for me. I recently found out that I have endo on both ovaries and uterus and have had 2 lapos (it only took them 7 years to diagnose!) last lap was in April and the pain is already back :'-(

We want a child and often talk about it, we've tried a few times but I get anxious about the cost and living arrangement. We don't know if we should really start trying now or wait until after we get married.

I don't want to regret not trying now and running into complications if we wait (the wait could be over a year for us to save for a wedding)

To add to this, my mum recently moved 3 hours away, I don't see my dad much and my mother in law is busy caring for her mum who has dementia (she is very stressed but also talks about babies now and then in a joking way). I feel very alone and like there will never be a right time. How do people honestly decide that the want to create a life and change theirs forever?

It's a comfort to know there are other ladies in my situation! take care and do let us know what you decide xxx

Becks

[Dollar1414]

Hi there, people can look at it oppositley aswell! I have endo and it was removed after I had my little boy, I was 16 when my husband became my boyfriend, I was 18 when we got married and 19 when I had a baby and I'm twenty now, and as you can guess ALOT of people disagreed , but I'm not really bothered , we have a lovley relationship and are financially viable for our family , our own place , hubby works full time and I do part, I don't think it has anything to do with anyone else except you and your partner , don't let anyone look down on you for making decisions in your life because it does not affect them , don't get me wrong I'm all for friendly advice , but not for people judging or persuading you with their own ideas. You can't please everyone , what's stopping you . It was the best decision of my entire life , and you can allways get married sooner or later .Goodluck x