Endometriosis UK
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Don't want to have sex

I have constant back ache deep cramp pains and major tired all while working and looking after a two year old. My partner does not understand and is constantly on about sex, also little comments all the time i want scream at him. Have showed him symptons etc and have explained I am major scared of lap on 26th. Anyone else feel like this thanks

4 Replies

Yes i am!!

i had a lap just over a month ago I had toO much pain i was scared to have sex as it hurts so much i'm still recovering from the lap i still not had sex yet its still too painful for me. We have a little girl 4 years old so understand putting up with Pain and family life and work too. But my other half completely understands have you Sat down with yours end explained tom him how are your feeling. have you shown him symptoms what other women feel you have endometriosis. Go on the nhs website... it bullet points a few problems women feel. He has to understand everything to help support u through it.

Emma xx


I found it really hurt before my lap - put me off sex completely. My boyfriend was understanding, but he does have a high sex drive and it did make me feel quite guilty. So I offered him alternatives when I felt up to it, rather than full penetrative sex. Maybe you could suggest that (obviously only when you feel up to it - endo pain plus a toddler must be knackering!) as a compromise?


Just a thought -does your partner have a mum around or a mature minded sister or brother he is close to?

If so then consider speaking to them to come on your side and have a word (not nagging) but a quiet word about just how overwhelmed you are right now and that the constant badgering for sex is adding unwelcome stress to an already really stressful time for you. Extra help at home with toddler to give you break is always going to be of benefit, rope in the grandparents or friends and relations to take little one off your hands for a day away, then a sleep over next time if all goes well, then perhaps a couple of nights away.

Giving you time to catch up on rest and self pampering.

As Divadellarte said vaginal penetration sex is not always suitable for endo ladies either because of pains they have to live with or temporary surgical recovery pains, that doesn't mean you cant have any intimacy at all. There are plenty of other ways to have fun together, kissing, cuddles and other ways to pleasure each other. Making time for you partner in other ways as best you can will reinforce the relationship between you, and may be all your partner is crying out for. Just bit of bonding time rather than grumps and nagging and domestic stress over things he has no way to rectify that he can see.

I'm sure like most partners he wants to see you well, cannot properly appreciate or understand what you are going through and as well as feeling sexually frustrated he will be frustrated that he doesn't know what more he can do to help.

Though I completely understand and sympathise with you for how exhausting it is for you getting through this time.

A mature minded partner does make allowances and does provide support - but not all blokes are so well brought up to switch off their manly pursuits and switch on to being a carer, and taking over much of the domestic responsibility as well as working. There are a few gems of gentlemen out there, as some of the endo ladies will attest to, but not everyone is fortunate to find such a man as their life partner.

Having someone mediate between you and your partner in a neutral setting or indeed at home without toddler being there, while you discuss the problems that are affecting you in the partnership and hammering home what he can do to better support you and what you can do to better support him too, can be very helpful.

Using a relative that you both trust to keep things between you and not blab about it, is one option, or you can look for am independent relationship counselor to act as the mediator, allowing you both time to air your feelings and work through the mis-communication. Relate the relationship charity on one such service provider but there are others.

Wishing you all the best for your op and a speedy recovery afterwards. Taking time off work is going to help you out a lot, so be sure to take as long as you need -physically and emotionally too. Do not rush back too soon. It won't help you or the relationship issues either.


I have just seen ur reply and it is great thank u. I really appreciate the time you took to write to me. Xx


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