Help Please

[Megbird]

I am helping someone with Alcohol Misuse started 20 month ago. Right now the Alcohol has taken over basically. He don't like hospitals and he also cancelled all Doctors appointments. He is now eating a meal a day. He has lost weight as well. I am worried. I have suggested private rehab as well.

[Jampacked]

This is a heavy burden to carry alone. Al anon for friends and family may be useful, they have a helpline.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Look after yourself. The change you want for your friend must come from within him. Bless you Megbird.

[Murphy81]

hello glad he got a someone wanting to support it is difficult you got a find a happy place for him maybe going for walks we’re maybe he will open more and get then can start ball rolling or could get him to join a group it’s not a easy route and if need to chat can pass my details will talk to him

[Megbird in reply to Murphy81]

Hi Murphy, thank you for your response and your advice. I will try what you have suggested.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

You can see what the alcohol is doing to him. Can you see what it’s doing to you? Al-Anon is your best bet. Good luck.

[Hewligan]

Can you identify a trigger?

[Megbird in reply to Hewligan]

Not so sure.

[Hewligan]

Just as an example, I was in an horrific relationship for a long time, and the trauma of that underlay a lot of bad behaviour, but the _trigger_ was things with high emotion (especially relating to kids) or things that caused a lot of stress day to day. This is the CBT thing about your stress bucket already being 95% full, which leads to short-term coping mechanisms.

So I don't mean a specific thing -- more a set of circumstances.

That said it's also really hard to stop (duh, I know, but it really is). Only a few days sober will get someone into a state where they can even really think about things. And doing that of course is stressful (and round and round we go).

Also if the cause is bad, advising someone to stop who doesn't care is almost inappropriate in a way. ("Hey I know you're upset about your wife of thirty years dying, but have you thought about taking up macrame rather than getting bombed?")

If the cause is depression, might be time for a home doc visit to prescribe antidepressants, or on the next bad one just call an ambulance and see if someone will see him in hospital.

Know that we all appreciate what you're doing for this person. It can be thankless.

[Megbird in reply to Hewligan]

Thank for youresponse, everything you said on here it is what I am experiencing. I wish I can keep him one day sober. Woken nights. Nightmare altogether. 4 A&E Vists already, he refused intravenous drip for dehydration. It is our worse nightmare.

[Hewligan]

That sounds awful -- sorry you're all going through this. We can only hope that you get an opportunity to present them to a doctor either at their home or in hospital, to try to tackle the depression (and hopefully, the addiction, eventually).

[Flo19]

I hope your situation has got better. I am also supporting someone through alcohol misuse. It is incredibly hard and at times can feel hopeless. If you need to vent or have a sympathetic ear let me know. It’s an awful addiction

[Megbird in reply to Flo19]

Hi Flo thank you for your support, I agree, and it is a hard thing to go through.I did fight a great battle and thankfully I think we are getting somewhere. Fingers crossed 🤞. I am also here if you need to talk. Thank you once again. Megxx

[Flo19]

how did the person you are helping get through it. I am in the early stages. My partner was sober for 4 years and has relapsed the last 3 months. it’s really hard and he’s struggling to understand why. It’s the comments when he’s on alcohol I struggle to get through x

[Megbird in reply to Flo19]

Hi Flo, it was hard, I even considered to leave my job to be a full time carer. I took time off from work. And I took him to AA meetings, GPs visits, 7hrs in A&E. Although he didn't like it. I also went back to church and I prayed so hard for my own sanity and his.One morning he told me that he was going to stop because if he is going to drink another drop of Alcohol he was going to die. I told him how thankfully I was and I will be there for him. And I told him that I was going to look after myself from now onwards, regardless. So I joined the gym and I started eating healthily.

3months later he relapse because he continued to be among Alcoholics.

But I kept to my words that I will look after myself because I became very ill due to stress.

He then stopped to drink again. Flo it is early days still. I am trying to use loads of reverse psychology and positive talk all the time. Praising him even if I know that he is wrong, because he has become very sensitive.

Alcoholics do not like negative comments. I was given the BIG BLUE BOOK I call it and I was told to read a Chapter about The Wives.

But first is First look after yourself. I didn't understand this sentence until I became very ill myself due to Stress.

He now chose to do some exercise including Running Every morning.

[Flo19]

thank you so much for your response. It is tough. I try to think positive and support him even though in side I am broken. Your story inspires me to continue my support xx thank you