No reason, no excuse, no logic.

[FatOldMan]

He I am at 3am writing this when I should be sound asleep. I decided yesterday afternoon that I no longer wanted to stop or change my drinking habits. There wasn't any of the usual triggers like an argument or stress, I just decided, I don't want to do this anymore. So half a bottle of wine and half a bottle of vodka later I staggered off to bed at 7 o'clock in the evening. So now I sit here feeling terrible and full of anger at myself. This has been my first major setback for some time although I have had the occasional drink recently I have always been in control, but there was no self control yesterday. It is a sharp reminder that I have a problem and cannot behave normally as far as alcohol is concerned.

So back to square one and start the AF journey again.

[Health_boy99]

I am sorry to hear this. You have the exact same mindset as me. I am awful at Sunday drinking and usually wake up at the same time as you, wide awake. However, yesterday I wrote this in my phone diary - an entry called Read This Before You Drink. I nearly reached for a drink , but the entry goes like this. I now make myself read this before I have the first drink at it worked (I know this only started yesterday but I’ll try to keep it going). I didn’t drink and I feel fresh today. Maybe give it a go. It helps think through the process and fast forward to the inevitable end result:-

Read this before you drink

1. You have a drink problem and you know it

2. You can’t moderate

3. If you have that first drink, you will drink to excess and wake up far too early

4. You will be ill tomorrow

5. You will drink again to feel better

6. Your mental health is suffering. It increases anxiety

7. Your blood pressure is too high

8. If you don’t drink, you will have the same evening

9. You will sleep well

10. You will feel fresh in the morning

PUT IT DOWN.

[FatOldMan in reply to Health_boy99]

Thanks for your support, I always reminded myself that I am going to feel bad in the morning and most times it works but yesterday I just didn't care and now I regret it. I've always been prone to doing this every now and again in many aspects of my life. " I'm going to do it and damn the consequences "

I like the ten points that you have set out for yourself, I hope that it works for you.

[LilyAnnepuppy Ambassador]

I identify with the delusion that I had control, even though it was obvious that I didn’t. I am powerless over alcohol and my life became unmanageable. I needed help.

I think your post is an admission of powerlessness. Good start. Keep coming.

[7Steve5]

Don't give up giving up.... we are alcoholics and those who choose to stand up against our addictions will always be in recovery. Its a bumpy road with many twists and turns but keep moving forward...Good luck

[SoberDrunk1]

The book Alcoholic Anonymous talks about those as peculiar mental twists/blind spots where we absolutely have not defense against the first drink. Either the mind comes up with a grandiose idea or just doent look at the consequences but the mind just focuses on that effect producded by alcohol by drinking a drink or 2. But then, some have a physical craving that kicks in after we take those 1 or 2 drink and then we go the bitter end. Realising we have an alcoholic mind is the first step in recovery.

[fauxartist]

Honestly, there is no square one...the door is always open...and check the shame, blame, and regret at the door.....the only thing that matters is the first day sober, and then one day at a time.

[DicCarlson]

"Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it."

Oprah Winfrey

[Isinatra]

I realized I was an alcoholic at 24. It took me til I was 53 to stop. It was a very long first step to quitting. I had lost too much, I hit my bottom when I knew I would lose the rest if I didn’t stop. I did the one thing I never did in all those years of trying to quit. I asked for help and joined AA because I was ready to commit and my fear of losing the rest and possibly my life overcame the addiction that held me back. I had a few false starts, but I kept going back. It saved my life.