No, I’m not going to get all serious about how alcohol played a big part in destroying my dreams. That’s a given. And another post for another day.
After twenty years of abstention, last night I dreamt of drinking again. You’d think that after all that time the craving for alcohol would go away. In my dreams, right? Lol For me, I’ve learned that it’s an indication of the stress in my life and I better do something about it. Quick.
Sometimes when I’m stressed, I dream of seeing a buffet of all kinds of chocolate treats. I would eat it, but couldn’t taste it. Bummer. Eating chocolate in reality was what I did for about the first two years of sobriety. My body was adjusting to being denied the quick energy supplied by alcohol for so long. Decades of it. I allowed myself the luxury and comfort of chocolate or sweets, because I was already denying myself of so much. Some weight gain was a better choice than to continue drinking. I had to stop drinking at all costs. Anyway, I could and did lose the weight. My life I wouldn’t get back if I continued to drink.
In my alcohol dreams, I’m highly stressed. I’m usually in a hurry, in a time crunch, I can’t get ahead or a handle on of what I’m supposed to be doing. People are waiting on me with high expectations. Unreasonable expectations. I’m not in control, anymore. Im desperately looking for alcohol. Any shape or form. Sometimes I find it, sometimes I don’t. When I do, there’s water in it, not alcohol. I want the relief it would give, but I’m also relieved that it was water. My addiction to alcohol is still with me, even in my dreams, but the fear of what it can do to me is also there. When I wake up, I’m so relieved it was a dream, but I have to think of what triggered it. It’s important to know because my dreams are reflections of my life. If my life is that stressful, I better, as I said before, do something about it because my dreams could become my life again. And I never want that life again.
Sweeter Dreams, my friends. 😴🍫🍦
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