I was always nervous around people especially peers. I had and still have what is now called “social anxiety”. At 17 I discovered the “cure”. Alcohol. I knew nothing about it or cared to other than when I drank, I was somebody other than myself. With my first drink, I was addicted emotionally. The actual physical addiction came later. In between, I knew I had a problem with alcohol, but because of the addiction to it, I told myself and I told myself thousands of times, that I’ll learn to control it. I lied to myself or I should say that the alcohol lied to me that it was my best friend even though in the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t. I didn’t drink like anybody else, I hid how much I drank, I worked too many times hungover, I said to myself that if I could drink and not miss work that I wasn’t an alcoholic. I drank and drove because the alcohol robbed me of rational thinking. I didn’t care what it may have been doing to me internally.
Alcohol is a depressant. It caused my depression to escalate and my anxiety was fueled by the problems alcohol created. A very vicious circle. From my first drink I was playing Russian Roulette with my life. From my first drink my life was a crapshoot. Drinking was a gamble that never paid off.
Hello, this is my story :)
I'm not in control!
