Relapse Gutted : (

[scotty-112]

After much time off the booze, last night, I relapsed. I feel so gutted.

I drank excessively and made a complete fool of myself at the pub.

I cannot describe how disappointed and embarrassed i feel at the moment but I have to be completely honest with myself.

I am not going to wallow in self-pity as I could easily pick up another drink doing so.

I have not started drinking again today, I just have to let the alcohol detox from my system and get myself back on the wagon.

If anyone has any advice, it would really be appreciated at this moment!

Thanks,

Scotty

[Dizzytwo]

Hi Scotty, please don't beat yourself up about it. Believe me it happens to the best of us I'm sure.

It's like trying to stop smoking or loosing weight it's difficult. But at least your been honest with yourself so that's always a good place to start.

Fingers crossed this is just a blip in your road to going forward. How long was it since you last had a drink before this little slip up?

Mo

[scotty-112 in reply to Dizzytwo]

Hi Mo, Thanks for the response : )

Definately, i just have to try and focus on things going forward.

Its been over a month since i drank before last night and before then it was about 2 months.

Im begining to see a bit of a pattern. I seem to be ok for a month or so but i end up drinking after a little time sober.

Thanks,

Scotty

[Dizzytwo in reply to scotty-112]

Hi Scotty, I think your doing great to be honest.

When I stopped smoking I was told the first month would be the hardest. They lied LOL the first month was a piece of cake. I felt motivated and upbeat about each day without a cig. It was the next 4 yrs that was the problem for me lol

But I have not smoked for over 20yrs. And I won't lie some days even now I could smoke one.

What I like about you Scotty is your taking responsibility for your actions and thats great.

There will always be good times and bad times in our lives that's for sure. But IMO hitting the bottle will never change anything. I find your way of thinking a great inspiration. Please keep us updated.

It may help you to maybe pop on here every few days and have a chat. Or maybe start your own drink free diary. That way maybe you could see what triggers you to need a drink. Or maybe drink more than you feel the need to. Good luck Scotty 😊

[scotty-112 in reply to Dizzytwo]

Lol that is so true, I feel so motivated during the first month or so and then I just become so complacent : (

20 years is nothing short of incredible!

Yes, it just maximises my problems

I will definitely keep everyone updated : )

I have never thought about a drink free diary but I think that is something I will consider especially for having that opportunity to seeing what exactly triggers my drinking.

Thanks again

[perciferous]

Hiya Scotty, Haven't been on here 4a while. I know very well what you'll be going through! I've used my savings to go into private residential detox x2 & detox with residential rehab! It educated me, gave me something to build on. It worked until I came back into the real world. I relapsed countless times. In the end I was trying 2detox on my own..... BIG MISTAKE as I ended up in ICU at Hospital! It's a long story but I'm now on Alcohol-Free DAY 440 😊. I've found my own way through trials & serious errors, to NOT drink alcohol. The relapses I had were getting very hard to come away from so, after a few weeks in Hospital in I which detoxed, I put a plan into action. I made a mind map listing ANYTHING that would "trigger" me into wanting alcohol. My coping mechanisms vary, but they are working for me. I had to accept that I was killing myself by drinking. I'm very aware of my *triggers * now & subconsciously steer away. Don't get 2cruel on yourself about the relapse, Scotty! Sit down & have a good think about the circumstances you were in, who was there, etc. Try & remember the point you had the drink and whether you really wanted it! That's how I put a plan 2gether. You CAN do it but try using a simple strategy.

[scotty-112 in reply to perciferous]

Hi Perciferous,

Thanks for the response

That is incredible! I think I may get myself to my local AA over this.

You are completely right about the relapses getting harder and harder to come away from. I am scared that this may happen to me in the future if I do not really work on this.

Congratulations on hitting Day 440 long may they continue!

Yes, I am going to have a coffee in a minute and then I'm doing a 'mind map'. I think that is a really good idea and there is no time like the present!

I am also going to give the AA helpline a call too.

This really needs to stop because I see this pattern emerging with doing ok for the first month and then getting back on the booze.

Thanks Again : )

Scotty

[perciferous in reply to scotty-112]

The Mind Maps still work for me! I did the same as you when I'd given up previously...... I went on a W'kend break with my dog, arrived the night before my friend & went 4a meal. Thought I'd have 1 glass of wine which turned into 2! I had 2b helped back 2the B&B by STRANGERS! I just carried on drinking all w'kend & it didn't stop! Best bit is, my friend isn't a big drinker & she drove everywhere! I whittled that episode down to a specific trigger! Once I started looking at what sets my mind to thinking about alcohol, I picked it to bits until I worked out why my thoughts turned to drink! A major piece of my problem comes from living on my own too. My drinking escalated because I "could" drink without anyone controlling me or chastising me! So, I had free rein to do as I pleased without any reprisals. I lost control of myself with only me to stop me! For now I have my control back. I've apologised to my family but now I don't want things digging up anymore in conversation. That "me" wasn't right, wasn't functioning properly & I have moved forwards. Alcohol is NOT an easy thing to give up but I believe that I'm a better person without it.

[scotty-112 in reply to perciferous]

Brilliant! Thanks for that, i think that is the best way for me to go. Identifying that trigger and continuously working on it!

[Camper33 in reply to perciferous]

Great adviceThanks

[Camper33]

Hi Scotty

Only just seen your post, well done for coming back on here and explaining, don't beat yourself up about it, this is not easy and you talking about it helps me and others of what will or might come in future weeks.

I use the drink free days app nhs which plots your free days and gives me a boost when I see more abd more gold stars (childish I know) it will be 9 nights tonight if we are good.

What made you go to the pub if you want to answer that, we all have triggers that will push us and I think the hard part is trying to control them.

Good luck and keep us posted, people on here are so nice and helpful and NOT judgemental at all we all want the same goal

[scotty-112]

Hi Camper33,

Thanks for the response Congrats on the 9 nights!

Awesome, I'll have a look at that app. I have one for smoking which I have find to be very helpful.

I went shopping and after doing so I thought to myself that I will just have a few before going home which turned into ALOT! I did not drink for over a month at this point and my tolerance was not very high at all.

You are so right about the 'triggers' I really need to sit back and think about what is triggering me to drink at times.

Yes, this community is so supportive which is a beautiful thing.

I will definitely keep everyone posted

Thanks again,

Scotty

[Isinatra]

I love the support you received from our friends here. And I love that you’re adding one more tool to help you. A twelve step program that gives you guidance, support and friendship . This is a time for you to be kind to yourself.

[scotty-112 in reply to Isinatra]

Hi Isinatra

Yes the support has been amazing

I spoke to them Yesturday and should receive a phonecall today from a member from AA.

I will also be doing an online meeting today aswell!

I know that i will be fine for the next few weeks, i just need to makesure that i am consistent not to have another terrible binge.

Thanks again

Scotty

[Isinatra in reply to scotty-112]

😊

[perciferous]

I never tried AA because from the info I looked at it wasn't what I wanted. I've spoken to a few people who have done very well with AA. I've chosen to tweak things I've learned through my own experiences to suit me personally. Everyone is unique & giving up alcohol is no mean feat! I actually haven't broadcast to everyone what I've been doing but just told family & very close friends. I was too embarrassed to tell people why I'd been rushed to Hosp! To top it all off I was knocked over by a fire door in Hosp & fractured my hip plus got COVID in there! You couldn't make all that up. How I managed to stay sane throughout all this & not return to drink I don't know! I like to think the signs were pointing me to sobriety! So, there is hope for every one of us really! Try to see a positive in everything.

[scotty-112 in reply to perciferous]

I did AA in the past and it really did work well for me at the time but once again i got complacement and thought i did not need it anymore.

I have also had a period in my life when i was sober for alsmost 2 years which is something i am really working hard to re create

Your support has been great, thanks for the advice.

Wow, your system has worked so well and it's great that you did not use that situation as a reason to hit the bottle again!

You are right, i've had a good rest over the last couple days and feel alot better. I just have to find positives and learn from what happened

Thanks again

Scotty

[scotty-112]

Almost one month since this post and i have continued to be sober : )

One day at a time : )