I'm in Cornwall. Visiting Mrs Dan's parents who are looking after us well and who always have the most stonking wine. I meant to be careful last night but as usual got carried away with a lush rioja followed by the cheekiest of Shiraz's thereby waking up with a bit of a thick head. Not to worry, I was gonna go on a run - my first "training run" using MyAscis app for my half marathon which IS JUST 7 SHORT MONTHS AWAY!! OMG! How will I be ready???
Calm down Dan. It's yonks away and I've got plenty of time. But I'd forgotten about the terrain down here in SW England. It's well hilly man (screechy teenage voice). My father in law told me what route to do - a big loop which he reckoned was about 3 miles. Perfick. I set off clad in electric blue running tights, neon yellow long sleeved top and neon yellow running jacket (it was chilly). Cornwall had never seen such running brilliance so watch out you locals!
The first thing that went wrong, was I immediately forgot the directions I was told. I'd been down this narrow country track loads of times in the past (in a car though), and thought I knew where I was going. I could already hear Mrs Dan in my ear laughing her head off, calling me a stupid idiot for ALWAYS getting lost. It's another of my many talents, getting lost. I am absolutely hopeless and have been known to get lost driving home from work in the past, despite working at the same location for 6 months!
Not to worry. I was enjoying the solitary run, breathing in the cold air and smelling farm yard smells which reminded me of my youth spent on a farm in Ireland. I could see tractors in fields working away and it reminded me of me helping my Dad on the farm back in the 70's where he let me drive the tractor. God that was fun! Anyway, back to business. The first hill struck after a kilometre. MyAscis plan had instructed me to run 5K today at a very easy pace. There was absolutely nothing I could do about pace today - it was always gonna be mega mega slow because THE HILLS HERE ARE LETHAL!!
Betty Buttocks took a pounding as I "ran" up one hill that lead immediately into another. This particular gradient was sly and cheeky, as it pretended to be level. It wasn't. It sucked at my muscles and I remembered JuicyJu showing me her technique for hill running. Pump those arms and run on tip toe. I did as I was taught and it worked a treat. I looked up to see if I'd reached the summit and my heart sank! Ahead of me was yet another hill, but this time I'd need fecking crampons to get up it! IT WAS WELL STEEP MAN! (screechy teenage voice again please. thanks). If I was going slow up the last hill, I was almost going backwards up this monster. But on I went enjoying the challenge and thinking how my Half Marathon Chummy Chum (HMCC) would laugh when I told them I had done my first HM training session.
At the top of Mount LegShred I decided to take a look at my phone to see how far I'd come - 3.5K! Too bloody far, because this would men that my run today would total 7K when MyAsics Plan had said specifically only do 5!! Another screw up - first getting lost, then going too far. Ah well, welcome to Dan Land....
Good news is that going back was far far easier. I luxuriated in the downhill sections and only had one nasty mountain to climb near the end. Two very friendly ladies in bike gear said a cheery good morning at one point which was lovely! That would never happen in London. You'd just get a murderous stare from them there. I made it home and announced my getting lost, to which Mrs Dan burst out laughing as I knew she would - "You bloody idiot!" You're ALWAYS getting lost!". She loves me really.
So now we are going to visit an old school pal of Mrs dans who is going to feed us pasties for lunch. GET IIIIINNNN!!!
THANKS FOR READING.
yer pal
Dan.
Hills
Hills... holy peanut butter Batman... 
