Heartbroken: My husband is scheduled for... - Living with a Stoma

Living with a Stoma

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Heartbroken

Pollymae profile image

My husband is scheduled for a Colostomy on 5-08-2020. He said he is scared, I am crying because my husband is not scared of anything. He went through Chemo and Radiation treatments at the same time in 2014. He been in remission for five years but his cancer left a terrible wound that won't heal. They are doing reconstructive surgery so the Stoma is necessary until the wound heals. He might have to have this Stoma for the rest of his life if the cancer is back, I am not sure what to say or do. I am going crazy in my mind......I can't even be at the hospital with him because of Corona Virus .......please help me to understand what I can do to help him.

9 Replies

Hi Pollymae

I can understand your husband's fears as I was in a similar predicament having been diagnosed with TB stage 4 bowel cancer and told to go home and get my affairs in order 5 years ago.

I managed to find a consultant who was prepared to operate, if my liver tumour was reduced in size. I had chemotherapy then a liver operation to remove metastases and was then due to have a bowel operation to remove the mother tumour in the bowel. I was told at a pre-operation meeting they had decided to give me an ileostomy, which would be irreversible, in other words take away my large bowel and rectum and the whole lot, leaving me with a stoma .

I was devastated as I was weak physically already and psychologically it knocked me back further. But the operation took place and it certainly was a tough procedure, but 4 years on it was the best thing.

I have a much better life, the stoma has not restricted me in doing things, once I got used to caring for it. Now it has become part of life, I still run, cycle, swim, have trekked 10000 feet high mountains travelled across the world and adjusted pretty well.

My cancer has returned and I have just finished 12 cycles of chemotherapy and awaiting another scan in a weeks time, but the point is, the ileostomy has given me a lot more life than I was led to expect!

Once through recovery I am sure your husband will grow stronger and more positive, it is just being there for him every step of the way as my wife and family and friends were for that I am blessed.

Good luck onwards and upwards!

best wishes

Ron

Pollymae profile image
Pollymae in reply to tekapo13

Thanks for the encouraging words Ron, I was sitting here crying because I can not be there with him and now I wait.....

Hi Pollymea

Scary times for you both I can’t possibly say better than Ron has already said my Ileostomy was an emergency one I was round a friends (buy the way the wife and I went up to Liverpool to cheer her up she was going into hospital for breast cancer on the Tuesday this was Saturday) watching football the next thing was a lot of pain surgeons decided to open me up wala I wake up with the ileostomy attached.

It is life changing but not life disabling I have only had mine since the end of January and getting used to it already, listen to your Stoma Nurse she will have a lot of tips for you 😃.

I’d like to wish you both lots of luck and our thoughts are with you.

Stay Safe

Dogbot 🐶🌈

Pollymae profile image
Pollymae in reply to Dogbot

Thanks for reaching out to me and I will definitely utilize all my resources

My stoma will be 4 yrs old in August. After the diversion everything improved everywhere. It's cleaner than a normal BM. Not worried about a TP shortage. I am 13 yrs cancer free and will be 70 in 2 weeks. Success to both of you. A support group can be very helpful btw.

Pollymae profile image
Pollymae in reply to GuyWithGutz

I am very grateful that this group exist I was feeling very lost not knowing what to expect....thank you

Pollymae. I assume your husband will have had the op by now.

I hope things are well.

Hi Pollymae my heart goes out to you , like your husband I too had Chemo and Radiotherapy followed by surgery to have my Rectum removed, I have a Stoma which I have to keep for the rest of my life , but three and a half years on I can honestly say it doesn’t stop me doing all the things I had done before it I sometimes forget I even have it and strangers would never know I have it . So what I’m trying to say is it won’t change your husbands life but it may save it . Myself and family send all our love xxx

My sincere observation is you are giving the colostomy way too much importance in yours or your husband’s life. Help him turn the mountain in to a mole hill so to speak. Right now it is bigger than you both. If he lives a normal life with the woman he loves and loves him That is the goal. Being without you will be best for him. He can be big or small and he will still be your man in FaceTime. This is where the strength between you, that you create for each other will be greater than the sum of you both. It’s a one trick pony. Once mastered it won’t be anything to focus upon. Now, talk to him and make the matter diminish in importance. You know the incantation.Do it! Xxoo

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