New here; please read and respond. I would love to hear and learn from your experience.

[Football1234567]

Hi all,

I'm a 24 year old male. I had a hormone problem that started around the age of 15 and by the age of around 21 almost all my hair was gone. It went so quick that my doctor was convinced that it was autoimmune related, but later we figured out my hormones were all out of whack. I also have a skull deformity that makes the right side of my head look noticeably smushed and flat. My doctor said there's nothing we can do about it now that I'm an adult. I've been struggling with this for a really long time. I kept telling myself that my difference is minuscule in comparison to what others are dealing with, but that has not been a very healthy way of dealing with things.

I fear being rejected and judged because of this. I avoid situations where I can't wear a hat because of this fear. I've had a couple people make comments that stuck with me. I once had someone close to me that I trusted tell me that I wouldn't be able to find a relationship if I don't get this figured out. Even though I know it was just one person's opinion, it really hurt.

Long story short, I'm having a really tough go of it. As a male now in my mid 20's, it's not even the baldness that effects me. I just can't get over how weird my head looks. Ugh, I just feel trapped. I guess I'll skip to why I wrote this post.

Can you all please share your story and how you came to terms with/accepted your difference? How you handled comments and the feeling that your difference was a hurdle that you needed to jump over when meeting new people?

I appreciate you all

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Hi Football1234567.

Firstly welcome! Glad you found us and what a brilliant move it is opening up and saying how you feel,

Goodness knows, we all here I think find it hard to say somethings, so you must have just reached a point where you felt "hell with this! I'm going to say something!". Big respect to you for doing so!

There is no such thing as "miniscule" compared to what others are facing. Yes, potentially it is true (if you squint a bit!) **BUT** this affects your well being, and what others face affects theirs. They are not in your shoes, and you are not in theirs.

Any comparison of it being "miniscule" is therefore irrelevant because you have every right to be concerned about your own well being, and speaking up as you have done is just one step in dealing with that! kudos! You are therefore very wise in your observation that it isn't a healthy way to deal with things.

You could say "at least its not x [insert any number of medical conditions here!]", but that that ignores that this has impacted you and your confidence, and if your let it, your overall mental health, but since you've opened up, or started to, then I would have some confidence that you won't let it.

Fear of rejection? I think every human has this. Humans are generally quite social. All of us need some affirmation that we are valued, loved and respected just for being us.

I don't (I think) want to know who told you that about relationships. i think they just blew whatever trust you had in them right out of the water.

I'm calling that a steaming load of baubles.

I have a large tumour on the rear of my head (which we are working on removing), but still have other large cysts, which means my head is uneven.

I am still married, have been with my wife for 20 years, have a small circle of friends (small in number, but they are amazing people, so while I don't have many, they make up for it in quality!).

Don't let anyone tell you friendships and relationships are off the table. They aren't.

I deal with things by just being me and refusing ever to change. I stay fiercely loyal to the things that define me; my love of animals, my love of science maths and astronomy; my wife and my friends; and a life long love of Pink Floyd's music. England Cricket and ermmmm..... Gillingham football club (well, someone has too!)

THOSE are the things that define me; not my lumps.

I am sure that if you spend a day thinking about it, you could find lots of things you would say make up you. And those are the things that define you, not any medical condition.

Best wishes, keep in touch, and let us know how you get on.