I'm new here

[Twirlygirlskates]

Hi

I'm new here. I am a couple of days out from skin graft surgery to treat chemical burns to the right side of my face. I have complex mental health problems which I have struggled to gain support with over the years and I'm anxious about reaching out to others as my injury was self-inflicted and I feel guilty that I did this myself when others were born with conditions or gained scars in an accident or someone else did it to them. However this comes after years and years of complex trauma - and things happening to me that I had no control over.

I am no stranger to scars and looking different as I have a long history of self-harm, including to my face. However this burning incident was very significant both physically and mentally and has changed my appearance a lot and now I get a lot of comments and stares.

I am fortunate that I have a job which I love - i work in the NHS in a mental health trust in a lived experience role- using my own experience of mental health to educate and train others, contribute to service development and research. I am lucky I am well supported and have a job to go back to. I am very grateful, but also very anxious about going back and navigating MS Teams meetings - especially as you can't hide the view of yourself which I find difficult.

Ellie

[CarolinChangingFaces Partner]

Hi Twirlygirlskates Thanks for being so open and honest about your situation and experiences with us. I can see you mentioned feeling worried about reaching out for support from others, but I hope you found this a place where you are not judged but supported with the challenges you are navigating.

It seems like you have been through a lot, and it must have been difficult feeling unable to access the support you needed with your mental health in the past.

Experiencing comments and stares from others can be really tough and I hope our online community and our online resources (changingfaces.org.uk/advice... helpful in finding some advice and options in navigating this.

It seems really positive that you are supporting others through your work and that you enjoy your role. Lots of people do share with us about feeling worried and finding video calls hard, particularly having a view of their image on the screen. I thought it might be helpful to mention, MS teams does give you the option of minimise your view of your own image when in a call which you may want to explore if you feel it could make things feel easier for you.

Best of luck with your upcoming treatment.

Take Care

Caroline - Changing Faces

[Twirlygirlskates in reply to CarolinChangingFaces]

Thank you - I've just tried out the MS Teams thing (it couldn't be more hidden!) and what a game changer! I am starting back at work next week and this has definitely helped me feel more comfortable with starting my job again!

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Twirlygirlskates]

Got to share this gem then, I'd like to claim I invented this, but I didn't.

If you have a camera on your laptop you need to disable? Go on, ask the IT engineer (me).

Easiest way?

Stick some duct tape over the lens! try seeing through that ...

Thats what I do. Sabotage my own camera.

"i'm terribly sorry, my camera is not working at present ... hey, how can I help?!"

Your personality then kicks the call along, and not the worry over the camera. Honestly, after 2 years of this, no-one now expects my camera to be on.

Not surprised. I've duct taped it into uselessness!

[Twirlygirlskates in reply to Circuitbreaker]

unfortunately I have a job where people have to see me - its me seeing myself that is the problem but someone from ChangingFaces helped me work out how to switch off self view in MS Teams so all sorted Thanks for responding!