coping

[Leojess1]

Hi

I had my left eye removed due to disease many years ago. I still struggle everyday with the psychological affects of this.

Intimate relationships are most difficult. How do others cope please?

[Lucky747]

Hello,

I do not have advice, but I wanted to reach out to let you know you are not alone. I can only relate in that personal problems can feel so isolating and can make us feel alone. It is how we feel about ourselves that matters, but it is a very hard task to love ourselves sometimes. I am sorry I cannot give specific coping strategies, but there are so many awesome people that will chime in on here with suggestions. In the meantime sending you thoughts that you are amazing and enough to yourself/anyone else involved in your life.

[Hidden]

Hi Leojess1,

Welcome, firstly. great to hear from you. i hope you find a warm welcome here!

How do people cope? Gosh, have you gone for the big question or what?! Well, why not? It's a good one.

Relationships are always a nightmare. It doesn't matter whether you have a visual difference or not in that regard, relationships are hard. That's why they matter so much. Because they are special, and valuable, and when you have one, it is to be treasured. A good relationship is like a bank account you forever pay into, but rarely withdraw from. Its constant investment. A bit like gardening! The work is never done!

Now, I'm *NO* expert on relationships, I was on my own for 9 years, before meeting my perfect complement 20 years ago, now Mrs CB. Its me that has the visible difference, so let me tell you what I know.

Years ago, at Christmas, mum made my brother and I Christmas socks up, and a main present that went under the tree. At Oh crickey o'clock on Christmas morning, the Christmas sock was always a bundle of mystery and joy, Lots of little, tiny Christmas gifts, sweets, a cheap book (one such book, a book on the Night Sky I still have and is my most treasured possession!). The main present was always great, but the sock, the lots of little pleasures, was always treasured.

People can be so like that Christmas sock. People are varied, deep things. They are not "one main gift", but lots of little gifts in one, like those in that sock.

YOU are like that. Remember that. You are lots of little gifts, just waiting to be given to someone deserving. Everyone is. The trouble comes in finding the person who's Christmas sock you are.

So what you do is meet people as is comfortable for you, The more, the better. Then you meet a wider variety of people, and in time, you will find the person who's Christmas sock you are. Start with friendship and respect, and from that trust, and then see what grows.

Please do forget the idea of "absolute perfection". Not because you don't deserve that, but that is not what happens in life. My wife and I were about 60% alike when we got together, but over time, the differences have blurred, and we grew together. In other words, we made ourselves more alike. People change over time. Especially in relationships.

AS for coping generally, well, I'm having a day where I am having to fess up to myself, "well, you coped with today really badly!". It is allowed. You can only ever do your best, and if you do that, we'll you'll be doing better than you realise you are ....

Keep in touch.