Friendships

I get on with people really well, but I don't seem to connect with others very well. I don't have close friends or a best friend. I have very few friends to be honest. People don't seem to want to socialise with me, even if I ask if they want to do something, I just get the same old excuses. I get the sense they're not comfortable with mixing with me. It can take me a while to open up to people and be comfortable with them because I've been hurt and betrayed a few times. Sometimes I do reject people's offer of further friendship because I'm anxious and I don't want to get hurt again by people leaving me. I know this doesn't help my situation. Throughout my life the people I've cared about the most have always left me, hence why I sometimes am wary of getting close to others. Definitely some separation anxiety going on. Other times I find it very difficult to let people go, possibly for the same reason, to the extent my behaviour becomes obsessive over the person. Bottom line is I just want to connect with people and have a meaningful relationship with them and not feel lonely anymore. Can anyone relate to any of this at all, or am I just weird?

[SamChangingFaces Partner]

Hi Milan12

Sorry to hear you are struggling with friendships - that sounds hard - and it can be difficult if you feel anxious about it too, and affected by past experiences. I'm sure there are others who feel the same way here too.

If you feel it might help, you can also get in touch with our Support and Information Line changingfaces.org.uk/servic... and they can give you a space to talk about how you are feeling as well as explaining what services we offer at Changing Faces.

Take care,

Sam

[Hidden in reply to SamChangingFaces]

Thank you SamChangingFaces, I really appreciate how useful the link was.

[Blondebombsite]

Hi Milan12,Thanks for sharing your experience, I definitely don’t think you’re weird at all! I don’t really have any friends either, and when I think of my workmates, if I ask what they’re doing at the weekend for example, they are usually spending time with a family member, their Mum, sister etc rather than friends, so I don’t think we are that different from lots of people. It’s just that many people don’t like to admit to not having close friends.

You mentioned that you have reached out to people and they have ‘made excuses’ to not socialise with you, but don’t take this personally. They may be busy, tired, or have any other issues going on in their lives. After all, when people have offered further friendship to you, you politely rejected them, but I’m sure you would agree that it wasn’t anything personal towards them, it was because of your own insecurities and worries.

You seem like a really lovely person and you seem very self aware, so anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. Maybe next time someone offers friendship you can find the courage to go along with it and see how things go. In the meantime, I honestly wouldn’t stress about it, I think you’re quite normal 😊x

[Hidden in reply to Blondebombsite]

Blondebombsite, thank you for your comment. I will try to accept other people's offer of friendship and socialisation. It's nice to know someone thinks I'm normal, thank you 😀

[Candidchameleon]

I don't think your experience is uncommon Hidden . I have only ever had a few close friends I can trust and I've personally liked it that way. It's easy for us to take things personally when we're not feeling good about ourselves. Have you thought of taking up a hobby or interest where you can meet with like-minded people who have the same interests?

[Hidden]

Visdif, thank you for your comment. I will certainly try and socialise with like-minded people.