What now and how

[dem4]

9 months ago I have been assaulted in the streets. I have just started to make my name as a theater actor and had temporarily moved to a different city to work there. The next jobs were already in the calendar. It seemed like years of hard work and enduring finally paid off.

In the theater summer break i had been assaulted in the streets from an unknown person who later ran away. I was brought to a hospital, with a concussion, had to be stitched up with over 20 stitches in my face and a disfigured lip. The first six months you're not supposed to be treated. Now I have been in treatment for three months. The scars have been getting better, my lip, too but not as much.

Shortly after it happened I tried to continue my work (i worked there as an apprentice for directing) in the other city but it was impossible for me. The psychological implications were horrible and the look in the mirror devastating. I left for home.

Now I slowly have to start dealing with the idea that these opportunities are gone and not coming back, as well as the idea that things will not return to normal but my career ended when it was just starting to really take off.

I have some back up options but I saw the last months that I have outgrown them. I was supposed to be on stage. I had gotten all these invitations and support and now I have phases I feel that I can hardly breath, stand up let alone work for uni (the back up plan). I have lost all this to somebody i didn't know I never met and who will never be charged.

I have gotten over suicidal thoughts but I'am completely floating and that in an anxious and fearful way. Theater has been everything that was on my mind for a long time and there was nothing else I wanted to do. This is horrible and as I have no partner and see how enclosed friends and family are with their own live the confrontation with it remains unbearable.

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hi dem4,

I'm sorry to hear about this. I understand that it must be very difficult for you now to not only look different but also to be in that situation with your job.

However, please don't lose hope. Just because you look different, it doesn't mean that you are any less capable of doing your job. I know it is tough psychologically but I know you are strong! YOU CAN DO IT!💪

It's great that you have come here seeking help but please continue to tell people how you feel. Talking to someone you trust is really important. This doesn't just have to be family and friends, it could be a therapist of some kind too.

Best wishes and good luck for the future. We are all here supporting you❤

[Rees_Headley]

6 months is not that long. I ripped my lower face and lip open in a cycling accident 10 months ago and needed 100 stitches internally and externally. Whilst I look a lot better now the scar is still changing and flattening and it might take another 10 months. My lip was sawn in half and is full of scar tissue now but it is getting better. Massaging the lip every day with lip salve makes a big difference in breaking down and remodelling the scar tissue. You will get there, it just takes time

[pianopoet]

Yes, I understand. I had completed a masters degree within weeks of plastic surgery which botched me and left me unable to pursue the career I wanted. So, my values and desires are changing. Did yours?? Suddenly, I don’t want the big career. I want to wake up and find some joy and goodness in it. That’s it. I still have my profession though as a nurse. No one (so far) seems to care if I look a little odd as long as I can do my job. It’s a hard one to find the life path you thought you could see stretching out before you suddenly shift. And yet, I wonder, if it was always destined to be this way and now it is time to find a new path and a new reason for living. For me, it has to be a different path. I’ll never be the business professional I dreamed of being. But I know I can still bring value to the world and find meaning, give love, learn resiliency and strength. We have a white board at work for patients to write. One day the question was “what have you learned from your experience?” One person wrote, “ You can learn to live with something you never imagined you would be able to.” I read that while hiding under my mask as a nurse, right after my appearance was altered. It has stayed with me. I’d like to learn to live a full life though, not just live, and I wish this for you as well.