Living with multiple deformities including facial disfigurement

[Jazzy08]

Hi, I'm new to the site. I need help. I am supposed to go to an event with my husband and his co-workers whom I have never met. The event sounds exciting, however, it includes dinner. I am terrified of eating in public let alone with strangers. I have facial paralysis and a large deformity due to a bone tumor removal , many scars and I'm very anxious about meeting strangers. At this point, I am considering backing out and letting my husband go alone.

[MiaBrown]

Hello,

I had salivary gland cancer almost 20 years ago but my facial paralysis and other issues didn't commence until 2013. I can definitely relate about public eating. Is it possible to eat ahead of time at home so that at the event you can just have a drink or the dessert?

[sweetiepye]

I know this is hard to deal with and anything I say you have probably heard before. I don't have a facial deformity but I know how I react to people who do. Maybe looking at it from that perspective will help you. I am curious when anyone looks " different" although I would never stare or ask questions, I will take sneak peeks and try to behave as if all is normal. I don't want to embarrass myself or the other person. Then it all seems to go away and the personality of the person comes through. That becomes how I think of them. Now this may not be how you react to encounters. Possibly you keep wondering if the other person is bothered, or judging you. I find most people think about how they are coming across and others aren't focused on as much as self. I think my advice would be to accept what you cannot change and make the most of your other qualities while focusing on others. I hope this makes sense to you and bucks you up a little. Pam

[Reeski3]

Your husband loves you and it would be an exciting night out for you both. Don't let special moments pass you by. I also suffer facial deformity due to uneven eyes and a total rhinectomy because of stage four cancer. I recently went out with my mom and 22 year old son for her 77th birthday. I took a photo with my son and posted it on facebook. I want special times with my loved ones and even though I felt embarrassed about the way I look, I had to take a photo to imprint the special day. Not only for my family, but for me. If you are worried about eating maybe ask your husband to explain to the people at the table that you struggle when eating and it would be appreciated iif they not stare because it makes you uncomfortable. Stay strong. I know it isn't easy.