Very lonely

[Martin1090]

Hello everyone, I’m 52 and have been a carer for my dad for nearly 4 years now and I’m just so lonely.

[sassy59]

Welcome to the Care Community forum Martin. I’m so sorry to hear you’re lonely especially as you’re doing a wonderful job of caring for your dad I’m sure.

Have things been made worse by covid? So many people find themselves completely alone with no support whatsoever. Is there anyone at all you can talk to? Can you contact your GP? I do feel for you but urge you to try and find something where you can meet like minded others. Of course that’s difficult right now but something to bear in mind for the future.

Hopefully you can get some help with caring for your dad and of course this forum is here for you. You’re not alive anymore. Take care xxxx

[Martin1090 in reply to sassy59]

Thank you for replying , yes it has made things a bit worse but not that much to be honest

[Activity2004 in reply to Martin1090]

Hi and welcome to the group, Martin1090 . Would you like to join the PWB (Positive WellBeing) group also on HU? Here's the link to it and you can meet other members who feel isolated/lonely and want to talk to others. It was set up for COVID 19 and other topics. Please see: healthunlocked.com/positive...

[Hidden]

Hi Martin, Good to see you here, and welcome! What you are going through is often a part of a carer's life. It's all consuming caring for someone else's needs and there isn't much time for friends or getting out and about.It often needs a bit of ingenuity and downright cheek to get a bit of time to go out and socialise. People tend to look the other way and leave you to it when you are in a caring role, but sometimes just asking a capable neighbour or friend might find you someone who would sit with dad while you go out and about a little bit.

I see you've already told sassy59 that the pandemic hasn't helped much, but why not start making plans now for a brighter future for yourself when things get easier, hopefully sometime in 2021.

Think about what you want from your social life and then how you can set about getting it!

And as Activity2004 has said, there is some help here online. We're always delighted to have you post here among people who understand what you are going through, but there is also the friendly Positive Wellbeing community where lots of us also hang out. That might give you a lift.

You are doing a wonderful job in taking care of your dad, and when you are feeling lonely always remember that you are doing a great thing.

Stay safe and well and please do check back in with us any time for some online support.

Very best wishes to you and your dad!

[Hellebelle]

Hi Martin,

A very warm welcome to this community. Please post on here whenever you need some support, advice, or just have a good old rant.

Being a carer is such an important role and you are doing a marvellous job by looking after you father. It can be very isolating and lonely though and it is really important as Sassy59 and Callendersgal have said, to try to get some social contact and support if needed. It is very hard to do it on your own. It is difficult to connect with people during the pandemic but there is light at the end of the tunnel with the vaccine being rolled out.

You have made the brave decision to reach out to this community and I hope this is the start of you feeling a bit less lonely as there are many carers out there who will understand what you are going through.

With best wishes to you both. xxx

[Oshgosh]

Hi, how are you today .

[Martin1090 in reply to Oshgosh]

Hello , I’m ok thanks . Just another day

[Oshgosh in reply to Martin1090]

Hi, are you finding the forum is helping you ? You could talk about TV , your dad, what you have had for dinner. . I think it will take a while to get used to chatting online, as you’ve been so used to your own company for so long. I have great admiration for you looking after your dad . Have you got a garden you could stand in for 5 minutes. Fresh air would help you. Have you seen the Christmas TV schedules. I haven’t looked at them yet.

[Daisy55]

Hello Martin , I have found Facebook groups to be my community , if you have things you are interested in ? Hobbies , cars, football perhaps , gardening etc. you could join one of the groups .

I care for my husband and all my friends and groups are online . I am in contact with people I would never meet in ordinary life and have found it enriching .

I have also found the words ‘ Be a friend to yourself ‘ extremely helpful .

[lell1]

Hello Martin1090

you've come to a good place. You are allowed to moan n groan n laugh! You will share other people's grumps and worries and come to realise that you are not alone! I care for my dad too, also on my own, and have lost most of my friends, hobbies and goodness knows what, but this forum (and making space) have been my anchor thru this treacherous storm.

Covid makes no real difference to quality of life for either myself or my dad. Did used to get an afternoon of when he went to a day care session each week, but found myself doing housework n stuff! What a waste eh? That is, until you have very few friends left, then it is just you with a little timeframe just for you. Didn't realise how useful this was until covid closed day care. And what a year for the older people, who maybe in their last year or so? It is heart-breaking. Then add xmas, another day without any real cheer this year.

Martin1090, we have to pull-up big girl pants and head into the future, advice leaflets abound but not as helpful as being able to share with people in similar situations to ourselves...AND WE CAN DO IT! We don't even need to leave the house to find help/support/advice/friendship! Put on your smoking jacket and join us!

[Martin1090]

Thank you so much . I’m grateful for the fact that you took time to message me