Hi everyone. Thanks for the part help. Here’s a new question. I’ve taken classes like you’ve suggested. But what I’m missing is how to care for my in-laws when one doesn’t know he has dementia and the other won’t admit he does.
Thanks for any suggestions
Sherry
Difficult.
How recent was the diganosis? There will always be a period of denial after any life change so it may be that your in-law is going through that phase and just needs time to come to terms - there's no laid down time-table though.
I think you do have to be honest is someone has a diagnosis as they need to make decisions about the future sooner rather than later - guess you can't visit the GP with them at the moment but may be you could arrange an on-line call with the GP at which they could confirm the diagnosis and answer any medical questions that your in-law has - but denial would be a perfectly normal reaction anyway.
Are they on prescribed medications to slow the progress, and are they taking them?
Another thought from experience with my mother, grandmother and others - not sure how the dementia is actually manifesting - not always memory loss but can also be around loss of ability to reason - dealing with that is extremely difficult. I'll probably get lynched for saying this but it is like dealing with a child or a teenager, which is very difficult. Its often more difficult for the offspring to deal with than it is for the next generation down. Trying to remember that their reality may be very different from yours is often a first step. If you can figure out what their reality is then it is better to try and find a way of addressing behaviour from within their reality (speak their language) than it is going to be to move them to your reality. 'Therapeutic lying' is one example. You may also find that they may know where they are physically but may not be sure about when they are.
Yes you are correct about the child. If he could throw a physical fit he would. He hates being told what to do. Problem is he doesn’t know he needs to do the things. Sometimes I just want to let him sit or sleep just so he’s content. I don’t know if it’s best to try and keep him moving or let it go. You are right I don’t know where he is or how to find out. I need to learn more.
Thanks for you help
Sherry
The GP or social worker (though may be difficult to get in contact with them) may be able to help with what's best to do in terms of moving. Are there any remaining siblings that you could contact - find out what they enjoyed when they were a child. Favourite songs from the past.
To be honest I don't think there are any right answers in any of this and now is a particularly difficult time anyway.
At the end of the day - don't be afraid to look after yourself.
one thing I have learnt with my mother is don't get caught up in what may seem to be a logical argument - they rarely are. If you need to get something done, do it. Reality is that by the time it is done they will usually have forgotten the argument.
It can also be very easy to distract by changing the conversation - ask them about something completely unrelated but of interest to them and they may well have forgotten about the argument by the time they have responded - could possibly be a useful way of trying several different ways of broaching the same subject
Hi Sherry,
It's so difficult isn't it? I'm struggling with the same problem with my brother-in-law who has dementia and my sister who only half acknowledges what's happening. I don't have day to day care of him, but then when something goes awry, my sister is on the phone to me and it's very difficult to sort out a problem from 60 miles away and in lockdown, so I do empathise.
I think Gambit62 has given you the best advice. You really just have to be quite blunt in the end and also to take charge if you are the one with responsibility for their day to day care. If that means treating them more as juveniles than adults, it's a strategy that can work, though as Gambit62 says, there is usually more resistance from persons who have been used to having an independent life, than with teens. But for safety and your sanity's sake it can be necessary to try.
Now is a difficult time in which to instigate help, but on the other hand we are being urged to contact our GPs with non COVID19 related issues, and I think you should approach either your own doctor, or theirs to discuss strategies and help you may be able to access.
Sad to say, services for carers have been run into the ground and the end result is the crisis we are seeing now all around in the sector. You have to be pretty firm with all concerned in order to receive help, and become pretty good at standing your ground.
For some more information there are some really useful articles to be found at Live Better with Dementia
dementia.livebetterwith.com
It's definitely worth a look. Take care and best wishes.😊
Thank you
Bear with, I am new to this.
UP ALL NIGHT Listening To My DAD saying He’s NOT Happy As He Believe’s He’s Not Home 🏠 
