Hospice

[fallen_leaf]

Talked to my aunts doctor Thursday. She was condescending. No I don’t understand all these medical terms just as I’m sure she doesn’t understand all the terminology I use in my profession. They want us to sign a DNR. Well it’s hard to understand what that means. They say there is nothing else they can do for that it’s in God’s hands now if she gets better or worse. So they won’t to move her to hospice. My uncle her brother doesn’t want to move her. My dad her other brother says whatever the insurance will cover. And I just wonder if this means there is no hope of her getting better?

[Hidden]

Can I suggest that you make an appointment to chat to one of the doctors at your local hospice. They are the experts in palliative care and end of life help. They will be able to advise you and answer any questions. Whether or not she goes in there, doesn't matter, they will be able to give you good advice. We did this and they were so helpful. Hospices are wonderful and can help the person end their life with dignity. They are not just about dying but about helping what life is left to be lived to its best and with pain controlled and symptoms sorted out.

[Hellebelle in reply to Hidden]

I agree completely. We have had so much good advice from dad's local hospice. Unfortunately, when you use the word hospice it seems synonymous with death, but they do so much more than help people at the end of their life. They help anyone with life limiting conditions. My dad who has MSA (multiple system atrophy) went in a few months ago to trial some new medication to help him to remain more alert as he was so fatigued he was spending whole days in bed. Unfortunately, it did not work for him but we were touched by their compassionate care. They have so much more time than most staff in hospitals and have a brilliant understanding of pain management and control as well as helping people to have the best quality of life they can have in their final years, months or days.

[sassy59]

I have been thinking of you fallen_leaf and your dear aunt. Things don’t sound good but the advice exhaustedwife has given is excellent. I hope you can get the help you need. Wishing you well. Xxxx

[FredaE]

Whenever you deal with medical people who either try to blind you with jargon or don't realise they are doing it, you ALWAYs ALWAYS pull them up gently and say I am sorry you will need to explain that in layman's language and make them keep explaining until you are happy that you understand. Without knowing the problem I would say that a do not resusitate order (DNR) needs careful thought. Resuscitation is a very vigorous process and can do a lot of damage broken ribs and teeth and bruising. If you are younger and have a reasonable life expectancy it may be well worth it. If you are old and fragile it may simply be putting off death for a very short time . Either way - it should be properly explained to you. What does your aunt think? If she has the capability she can write a statement of her wishes in the matter. Your mention of insurance cover makes me think you may be in the US where the law may be different and also what is meant by Hospice is different. In the UK a Hospice is a place you go to be looked after and you don't have to pay

[Hidden]

Hi fallen-leaf,

I'm so sorry the news you've received about your aunt doesn't sound particularly good.

The first thing I'd say is never allow yourself to be bamboozled by medical jargon. Always ask for an explanation of any term you don't fully understand. Doctors are still only people and will help you with terminology if you ask what you aren't sure of.

I do understand why the they sometimes tiptoe around the question of DNR (do not resuscitate). It's a loaded term, and as you've found out, provokes all sort of reactions from other members in a family.

But medicine is all about saving life when it's possible, and no doctor will lightly suggest moving someone to a hospice if there is any real hope that they can be of more help.

Don't be afraid of the word, or of its implications.

As exhaustedwife has already said, hospices ARE wonderful and probably not at all as you might think that they are. They help people to live what's left of their life with great dignity and help with pain control.

The DNR only comes into play if there is a crisis which is likely to take your aunt unless there is a medical intervention. But of what point an intervention? DNR is not a process that hastens anyone's eventual passing. It simply steps in to prevent more futile suffering being caused by resuscitating, when death is very near anyway.

My thoughts are with both you and your aunt and her wider family. It is a very complex thing when a loved one is close to the end, and I wish you all strength in the decisions you have to make on your aunt's behalf.

Very best wishes.