My mom has moderate-severe Alzheimer’s

[slightlyjaded]

My mom was diagnosed in 2014 with Alzheimer’s, we had to move her into a complex care home. Ironically she was a nurse for 15 years in a memory care ward.

My dad passed away in 2008 from non hodgeskins malt lymphoma. He died at home in my moms arms. Married 38 years. I think losing my dad could be part of what triggered the dementia.

In 2015 my brother was having a really hard time in life but also dealing with what was happening to our mom.

That summer my brother committed suicide.

Fast forward two years and my mom is in a complex care home in the same city as me. She has a hard time walking now so she has to use a wheel chair, she isn’t able to use a walker.

So it’s just me and my mom. I do have family and friends but I know I keep everyone at arms length.

I wanted to reach out and talk to other people who understand. I am the only person that visits her so I hired a companion a couple times a week.

It’s so heart breaking looking in my moms eyes and I can tell as her tears well up that she realizes where she is.

[sassy59]

Welcome to you slightlyjaded. What a lot you and your dear mum have been through in recent years.

You’ve actually raised a point in your post, that people with Alzheimer’s/dementia do have some understanding as to what is happening to them.

My mother in law is in a care home and when she first went in she was very upset and distressed because she wasn’t in her home. I do understand and feel for you and please keep talking to us. We’re here for you. Xxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi slightlyjaded,

I see that you joined the Care Community forum quite recently, so a very warm welcome to you. I hope you'll feel that you are among friends and that you receive some support and help from us all along the way.

I can identify with what you say about your mom's dementia being somehow linked to your dad's death. A similar thing happened with my sister and I've heard others say that they can make a link with a life changing event and the start of any kind of dementia.

It's really tough being someone's carer and it can feel isolating and difficult. Often former friends fall by the wayside as they are unable to cope with your situation from the outside.

But please don't push anyone away. There are people out there who are genuinely interested in both your welfare and well being, and your mom's.

It can be especially hard when the time comes to have to place a loved one in a facility for care. But always remember it doesn't mean that you have stopped caring. Just that it is too much to handle yourself, and you need the assistance of professional people with the caring.

It's only if you forget about your mom that it's in any way neglectful. From what I'm reading you are a caring and supportive daughter, and although this probably isn't what you or your mom would have chosen for her, we are sometimes forced to deal with the alternative to loved ones being at home.

Always take care of mom as best you can from the situation you are both in, but also be doubly sure to take care of yourself too!

Very best wishes to both of you.

[Vonnieruth]

Hi I work with dementia in a 56 bedded home I see the pain and upset in people like you who care strongly for the parents I always say try to remember your mum is still there just different now Her inner self is stuck in her body .I find sometimes it's good to sit and write your feelings down and your thoughts Not just about mum but everything in your life The good with the bad .Who knows it may become a best seller which will help others in your position .So much is left unsaid about dementia and all the other illnesses connected to it .It's such a heartbreaking illness to see someone who was so different become what their condition makes them into is very hard to accept Plus you have lost others so close and dear to you .You must be such a strong person with willpower to continue daily yourself Keep strong keep talking to others Speak your mind and thoughts to the home your mum is in Don't be afraid to do that if you have worries about anything regarding her care or health . Always remember there are others out there who can help you to Please try to keep smiling even if it's to yourself when you wake up in a morning and last thing at night .Feel free to message me if you fancy a chat any time

[Hidden]

Hi and what can one say really to ease pain of seeing loved one drift away moments of clarity could say is tourcher even cruel for both consered BUT ant that Dementia Alzheimer’s.

Guess best way I could describe it ITs a living grief AND everyone suffering is as unique as the persons GUESS that’s why this no answers to lessen the pain grief.

[slightlyjaded]

Thank you for everybody’s responses!

I am glad I found this community 🙂

[sammy90210]

Hi

There is another group here for PSP, which is a form of Parkinson's-dementia - the symptoms and care are very similar to Alzheimer's so you can get a lot of useful help and tips from there as well - healthunlocked.com/psp

[slightlyjaded in reply to sammy90210]

Thank you