Hi guys, sorry to be a total let down. I have cirrhosis and TIPS stent fitted 8 years ago. I have battled the booze many times and last periosd of sobriety was 19 months, at the moment it has got hold of me again and I need to stop. Getting delivery from Deliveroo of 10 cans of lager a day, its not much compared to what some people drink. I never touch anything stronger than 5%. I know I have let myself down, let my friends down and especially let my wife down
Its the constant depression and just nothing making me happy whatsoever. I went to the doctors the other day and they issued me 100 x 5mg Librium, prozak 120mg a day, slow release 80mg propanalol. Already taking nepopam for back pain, rifaximin for HE, ramipril for blood pressure. thiamene, lactulose, lanzoprazole, asthma inhaler clenil modulite and the do told me to start back on my Baclofen which I used to get off SMS. Found out that using Baclofen and Fluoxetine (Prozak) can increase risk of bleeding?
Any advise welcome, thanks
J
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BigJimmy45
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Yes I went for a walk earlier, Treborth gardens then lake at parc Menai but couldn’t resist a can or 3 afterwards. I think I have a missing link in my head
Oh no! 😆 maybe you just shouldn’t have it at home. 🤷♀️
Are there any other beverages that are good that don’t have alcohol ? I drank a hot chocolate everyday for months. 😂 lots of marshmallows. I had to think of something that was a treat. Of course it has sugar but that was never an issue for me
Ok. Maybe just have a glass of water and a small snack ?
Just thinking of ideas. 😊. The exercise is really good, especially if you can get to a level where you get the endorphins. You get a natural high. My power yoga gets to that level that I feel that way. It’s extremely beneficial. That’s the best remedy. It’s a healthy habit.
Yeah I got a feeling of pure joy and almost extstatic pleasure while walking down the Pier one time in spring when the sun was shining and birds singing, I think it might have been the citralopram kicking in tho. I cannot do yoga, I am the least bendy person known to man 😂The only thing that makes me happy is having a pint in the sun. Rest of time i am a miserable areshole and hate it
Steady down Jim.DON'T think as yourself as a let down...... that doesn't help you at all.
Its dam hard going,I know from experience....
I wish to God I'd never seen alcohol....the misery its created. But we can't go back.
Obviously you have done good before, and you can again fella
We try and try again until we win this battle.....
You can beat it.
Have you ever asked bout some help regarding stopping, with your gp or consultant?.
I'm assuming those medications you mentioned have been prescribed by or at least run by your gastro or hep consultant.
Myself I also suffer with AF,my gp wanted to put me on an anticoagulant.....but hep consultant said no.....due to my risk of bleeding. So always a risk of a stroke well as more bleeds.
It was to much of a risk for me.
Well,im sure you already know that liquor is a form of deppressent.....
Please work together with your wife im sure she wants you back to yourself.
I ain't judging you fella one bit ......
Unless someone has been in this situation, which I have,,they will never fully understand the situation. .
Hi Chris, I think my wife has run out of patience with me. She is a beautiful woman and has tried her best to get me to stop. She even gives advice on instagram for alcoholics. I feel like she has just made this other group of people and friends with me not included. Sounds really shitty and some say we’ll get a grip lad and support each other. I feel like I am not there yet and she is moving on 🤷🏻♂️ The stresses from her side of the family are really making me very anxious and I don’t even know what medication I should be taking and at what time. My wife is my carer but she is not really caring for me when I have looked after her all out married life. Bad situation I think 🤔 ☹️
Morning fella.Firstly forget about your inlaws....there are 2 people in your marriage.....focus on that.....not inlaws.
Yes I agree some of us definitely have an addictive nature......my drinking showed that.
Please seek professional support, blt nurses,can help you,point you in the right direction.
You say your wife doesn't care for you,but she may well have given you plenty of chances fella.......don't give up just yet,but you must be honest a fair with her,im sure she deserves that.
Ive been single throughout all my hospital admissions, and drinking, and thats partially why I did drink....other folk have said,You have to want to do it for yourself.....no one can do it for you.
You need to engage with professionals.
Obviously you have been very poorly in the past, with significant symptoms....just as I was.
My time came for change when looking at myself in the hospital mirror.....after being rushed in with ruptured varices, yellow,gaunt,eyes sunken in....no muscle,I looked 9 month pregnant with ascites, difficult breathing, not walking good.....
I slumped to the floor,and cried and cried......like never before....
I will never forget that for the rest of my life,I truly thought my time had come 😔
And that was me done with drink.......I'd had my fill......no more.
Have you had a time when you were scared to death,by how poorly you were?.
Never give up giving up, ever.
I'm not going to say ever,to get a grip,as it isn't always that simple.
Some folk think it is ....it isnt!. We are misunderstood at times.
There are reasons behind why we drank/drink.......
Its that ,that needs looking into fella.
Ive not drank in over 4 years......I never thought it could be done.......
So you see,you can still beat it Jimmy
What did you do with your time when sober for 19 month?.
What kept you in that sober frame of mind,and stopped you reaching for that can?.
You really have to believe in yourself......
Ive done it.....although I never let my guard down, ever.
Sorry I haven't really helped you there have I.
I'm backing you all the way fella,as I understand how it is completely.
Your words of support are second to none. Is will try to explain or answer questions you have asked but some of them I don’t know the answers to?
I have nearly died twice, hb of 10 then brought back to life with blood transfusions and plasma, billarubun levels above 2.5k, been banded, glued, many times…acities drain, the lot really etc etc. I was never scared of dying in fact when I came closest to death I have never felt so peaceful until the noise of those hospital monitors zoned back into my ears and the Oromoph kicked in 😞
I drink as I only feel myself when I have had a bevy. Had a good happy childhood and from a solid working and living family . I suppose it all went downhill further when I moved to Wales. I left a cocaine addiction behind and swapped it for more booze as my wife was a big drinker. She has been with AA for 2 years and doing well but my god has she changed.
I stopped drinking when I went into rehab in Jan 2001 as I was really on my last legs, was drinking 16-24 bottles of leffe blonde throughout covid as I thought we were all going to die anyway.
I have gone from 75kg to over 130kg and now am sitting at about 116kg finding it hard to shift.
During my period of sobriety I didn’t even feel proud of myself, I just felt bored, drinking green tea and water. I always thought there must be more to life than this shit, everything in moderation should be ok shouldn’t it. As an addict though my moderation is gluttony. I’m never happy with just a little of things I always want more! Such a bad way to be.
I know I can keep off the ale as I have done it before but I have only done it to please other people and family, my heart really is saying fuck it, and I always feel happier when I have had a couple of beers. If you said to me you are allowed 2 beers a day for the rest of your life I would still try and push it to 3. It’s just the way I am, rubbish, very little will power and easily led.
When I am sober I just moan about all the corruption and inhumanity in the world, watch too much news and listen to bullshit political analysts
When I have a drink I am a nicer, kinder, more generous person and don’t let the worlds problems get me down.
That’s what I struggle with most. Be a happy soul or a miserable sober moaning get 😂
I also don’t like getting told what I can and can’t do. I am a hard nut to crack!
Sorry mate was not intended to offend you or anyone, was just saying I don’t like getting told what to to cos i am a pig headed know it all. Only know things from experience though. Everyone is right, just stop drinking init and everyone is happy apart from the government. Imagine if everyone was sober and stopped smoking in UK. How many jobs does alcohol production and consumption bring to the world economy ? I think they should ban it for all the problems it causes. It is one of the most dangerous but world important substances? Crazy man it’s just in your face everywhere you look!
I agree with what you said previously...Unfortunately some of us don't understand the word moderation...its all or nothing,and for myself it has to be nothing....otherwise I'm going to die !!!
But thats our problem,it shouldn't affect folk who like an occasional tipple..
Going to get myself sober again, might just take a few days 👍 Tell you what if it wasn’t for those Prozac’s I would have gone missing in the Irish Sea days ago! Thank you Dr W🙏
Thanks Chris, need to avoid a hospital detox just feel so bad and a waste of NHS resources. Will get sober mate 👍 old school style just sweat it out, eat as much as possible and sleep with zopiclone. Got some mirtazapine there too and they proper knock me out cold. It’s those initial shakes and feeling like you have worms under your skin that gets me, 😞 I call it worm head, like oh shit I got proper worm head and only the 2 pint rule gets rid of it. Chlorodiapoxide do work but hard to get around here. Might have to try the dark web
I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks. I feel I have gone slightly mad. Not a danger to anyone but myself. See if they can get to the bottom of me wanting to press the self destruct button more and more often these days 🤷🏻♂️
Boy do I relate to what you wrote! I have been sober since I was diagnosed with decompensated alcohol cirrhosis. That was 6/13/2019 and I haven’t touched a drop since. I was in hospital for 16 days rushed by ambulance to ER. Ascities, severe malnutrition, muscle wasting hallucinations I looked 9 months pregnant, diarrhea 7 times a day the list goes on. It took hitting rock bottom to finally quit.
I know drinking my wine made me happy too, and relaxed etc. I never could get past 4 hours , 4 minutes not drinking so I still can’t believe it’s been 4 years and 2 months. Being sober can be a downer sometimes, but I know drinking is Not an option, it dam near killed me. I was anxious also and the dam wine soothed me.. I chuckled because I know exactly what you mean I live in the states and I get so irate at Biden and what I see going on my around me! The horrible drivers etc. lol I used to be the life of the party. Anyway , I understand so much, I just know for myself how bad it got, and I may not like that I can’t drink but being sober is so much better in the end.
Hi Big Jimmy, Please don't beat yourself up , I myself took a nose dive on relapsing my sobriety,
I was doing well , 3 yrs off the booze , but I had gotten back to work 2 months after my hospital discharge and diagnosis of end stage ARLD .
then my dad was taken poorly with cancer so I took myself off to be his FT carer , well after he passed away I went on a 2 Yr self destruct bender ,I too only ever drank nothing more than 5%ABV, I was also hitting 7 plus cans per day ,knowing only full well what I was doing.
You can turn this round again.. you need to make the first step now by reaching out to your GP or even your gastro team .
Please talk to your wife ,tell her how you are feeling ,maybe even show her this post you have put on forum? .
As chris pointed out ,alcohol is a depressant, you being on meds to help lift your mood won't work whilst your drinking.
But I totally understand and know what your going through.
One step at a time .. im sure you will be back on track.
The battle against alcohol is very challenging. The others are right to say beating yourself up doesn’t help as this will only make you feel bad and inadequate, add to your depression and fuel another excuse to reach for the bottle. Nor anyone piling in and “giving you tough love” will help right now as it will reinforce your sense of failure and guilt.
At the same time, you know yourself, that equating anything you drink to being less than that other people consume is just an excuse/justification to have a drink.
I don’t know your history so don’t want to make assumptions. Medication and diversions can help with quitting but getting to the actual route cause of why/when/how/triggers make people drink is often a big key to help getting off this awful life wrecking addiction.
You have been sober for a good time so you have shown yourself it is possible, maybe understanding why you are back drinking will help you in the future. I wish you lots and lots of luck and hope you can get the support (not just medical) around you that gets you back to a happier life.
It’s not just the alcohol, I went back to my hometown Liverpool last week. Just passing through but ended up playing darts and pool with some random nutters and felt like I was alive. Got a 20 bag of Charlie within seconds as it is widely available on the streets. I have a proper addictive personality to fun and need to shake it off. It’s not fun it’s disgusting! Need some proper therapy I think. How can this be treated?
I know I am dying a slow death of liver cirrhosis but in my head with HE I don’t really care. I just want to speed things up and hope to be away from this world sooner rather than later. I wish UK did euthanasia
Helping other people is not only very rewarding, it’s gets us out of our own heads - less ‘ME’. The booze cycle is a vicious one (I’ve been on that wheel), but as you already know that alcohol, by its very nature and how it chemically effects your brain will increase depression and anxiety. It’s a beast I know, but it’s a choice to say no, for a better life. Best of luck ☺️👍
You need to seek help from a drugs/alcohol addiction specialist. This forum helps with support, but listening to your story, you need a more practical intervention. Depression and anxiety are strong negative motivators, and you seem firmly in their grip. It may all seem pointless now, but from a liver point of view alone you need to take action now.
Caring is not a deal where you bank credit, as alcoholics if we are honest to ourselves, we treat those we shout about loving the worst. They are allowed to run out of patience with us, I mean who wouldn’t. Half the time we are blissfully unaware just how badly we are treating them, and then we have the nerve to feel hurt, let down and owed. Killing ourselves slowly claiming not to care is unfortunately just another excuse to have a drink. Loving the feeling of a drink is unfortunately just another excuse to have a drink – living with us drunk is no fun (even for us).
Only you can want to break the cycle, only you can reach out and try and grab at practical support/help. It is unfortunately very very tough to take ownership as destructive addicts and do something about it.
Please don’t give up, we are not experts on this forum – please seek professional help.
Yes I started with peroni zero and it does take the craving away after just one. It tastes great but I think it has led me back down the wrong path. It’s all or nothing will me and when I have nothing I don’t even know who I am. I just feel like a very boring version of myself which is ridiculous. I think I am addicted to not feeling normal, always told myself I am here for a good time not a long time. It’s so hard man!
You may well have PAWS which is making your sobriety harder. I have this and it's a huge battle to overcome and stay sober. I'll stay sober for months at a time and then relapse again, as I get zero satisfaction/ feel good chemicals from being sober. You know there's never a good time to quit but never stop trying! Sending hugs.
PAWS is Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. As if regular withdrawal isn't bad enough! I feel like not enough medical practitioners know about it but as daily suffers, any knowledge about our conditions is helpful right!
Thanks I will read up on that and tell my Dr too. As I said I have never heard of it and it has never ever been mentioned by my SMS support worker either who I don’t go to anymore. Need to get back in the system a.s.a.p
If you can afford it, I suggest rehab. It saved me, I was in a bad way, two nearly fatal bleeds, ascites, jaundice, pretty much getting towards total liver failure. I will always have a problem with alcohol but I NEVER have any in the house. AA or Smart Recovery may also be life savers. My liver is now compensating and I feel great. I still take anti-depressants but that is fine by me. Get help and get off the booze, please. Wendy
Thanks Wendy, I have been in rehab before nearly 2 years ago in Hafen Wen Wrexham. I hated it so much that has kept me sober knowing I never want to go back there. Felt like I was in prison or something. Latest blood tests were good and it sort of set off a green light in my head saying i’m ok and can have a couple of drinks and my body wont even notice. That is the most stupid, annoying and disappointing thing as it just creeps up on you and I know it is wrong but some part of me says it’s right. Woke up at 8.30am and made a coffee, the devil on my shoulder is telling me to crack open a bottle of beer. The deciding factor will be how long I can last with the shakes? The only thing that will take the feeling away is beers. I had yesterday 18 x 330ml cans of check budvars and 6 x 330ml bottles of Amstel. Going to try and half that amount today, then again tomorrow and it will be less dangerous. I don’t want to end up in hospital wasting valuable NHS time for me being an idiot 😞
Your going to die my friend!Your going to swell up like a bloater and your poor wife is going to have to watch you.
She will have to wash your bits and wipe your bum for you and will probably do it with a smile.
BUT you can still change that and quit drinking.
It's not easy.
Librium is usefull for detox but a Dr should not just give you 100 pills, my at home detox used Librium but I had to go and collect each days dose every day for 10 days.
Theres no point in just handing over the tabs if there's no support or counselling along side them.
you are right mate and thanks for the brutal honesty, it’s what I need. Doc shouldn’t have just give me the Librium and the hospital told me I need to come in. I used the Librium to stop the shakes in the morning then got back on the ale about 2pm to 2am. I have absolutely no excuse as to why I am in total self destruction mode other than the state of the world, micro thinking about world war 3 and just don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I think it is the HE, so hard to understand as I have always been in control of my brain and even have a degree in mechanical engineering. My thoughts get stuck in my head and find it hard to talk and think sometimes, it’s very strange feeling
Thanks Roy, the rifaxamin is helping especially in the afternoons. The thing that I haven’t mentioned is I have been for an echocardiogram as getting a lot of chest pain and heart beat is constantly above 105bpm. My consultant is discussing with his colleagues about doing a TIPS revision as they think that too much blood is flowing through the right side of my heart. The revision could quite possibly cause me more problems with portal hypertension. What is CGL, is it like SMS (substance misuse Services) I live in Wales
Hey Big Jimmy. Let me guess after the 19 months sober, You thought you could drink a few days then stop again. I’ve lost that game every time. I’m a sober alcoholic now. Hopefully I’ll stay one. Most people don’t understand that an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. There are alcoholics that have never drank a drop. Abstinence is the only treatment. Ultimately drinking alcohol will lead to death.
I don’t know if you believe in GOD but he is the only one who can and did help me. I had to leave all my garbage, shame, guilt etc with him and start a new. Before that I would relive past events of shameful and harmful events that hurt many people. I’ve done many good things in my life also but the shame , guilt and regret would always come back front and center. Alcohol was the only drug that gave temporary relief. I had to put God first. Then myself( because if you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else), then family, then finances, business, life etc
I’m not hard on myself anymore God took it There’s nothing I can do about it anyway Got myself back. My family is back ( almost lost them) now I’m pursuing other interests.
I have to live with the physical consequences of my actions(alcohol) Im not afraid of dying but feel there is much more I can contribute by living I’m at peace with myself. Hope you can get there my brother.
Not a GOD person but it obviously helps some people. I find the scientific evidence of our existence less offensive than others starting wars and hate about religion
Thanks June, you sound like a lovely person and thank you for replying. I just don’t have the faith and believe that science has the answers. I wish I did have some faith but just don’t get it.
Really sorry you’ve relapsed. I know when I did myself the guilt and shame was something shocking and the addiction kept me quiet. If I’d have got help immediately or had someone to call when I reached for that drink I would’ve stayed away from it. However I re engaged with recovery and continue to live an abstinent life. It really is fantastic as you know not to be a slave to it.
Addiction is a hard hand to be dealt in life however there’s always some poor soul worse off. The main thing is you know how to stay abstinent so you can do it. Don’t wait. Get some support. Alcohol and some of the meds you’re on sound really bad for the liver but I’m no expert.
You may not find anything interesting or fun right now but it will come if you try to leave yourself open to trying things that people may suggest. Give it a go and if it’s not for you then you’ll have tried at least and you can move on to the next thing.
Everything can seem miserable at times. Believe me, I feel a good dose of that at times but I know that feeling will pass if I’m patient and give things time.
Whatever anyone thinks you are enough and and we are all equal souls in this world. We just walk different paths so chin up and and best foot forward. You CAN do this 💪
Thank you Chick, very wise and supportive words. This is like reaching out for support from strangers who got your back. It is very nice to hear from others who have same problems and good to talk to people who understand. Otherwise there is just nobody who really understands. I am gonna get through this relapse and get back on track to a life. Really need a hobby as drinking is my only release. It sounds really boring but I want to try archery and crown green bowling as I am not very fit at all
In addition to the many helpful and supportive messages already posted, here is the number for our nurse-led helpline which is open from 9am to 3pm on weekdays (excluding bank holidays): 0800 652 7330
Although you say you are reluctant to contact the NHS, there is an open referral system in operation in your area. Here is a link which also includes contact details for DAN 24/7, the Drug and Alcohol Helpline for Wales that may also be helpful.
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Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
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still decompensated after 5 months any hope? 
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