An update - hubby readmitted to hospital just over 3 weeks ago, which was only 4 weeks after previous admission.Getting any information from the medical team is a nightmare: I don't know if he's seen a liver consultant or nurse. I gather the kidneys have improved, the albumin infusions have stopped, and he had his 2nd drain removing another 7 litres of fluid. I assume they have restarted diuretics. I have no stats about his liver health at all. He thinks it's all fine. (Apparently he was told he's hurt his pancreas so he's focusing on that).
He is desperate to leave, and tried to discharge himself this week against their advice - slightly scuppered as I didn't turn up to collect him. He still thinks he is coming out every day although they're still taking bloods and giving him injections.
I'm struggling to get care package to help at home. Community team say he needs it having assessed the house, the ward say he can manage there so he can manage at home.
I also put on my big girl pants and told him I'm not buying him anymore booze, I'm no longer being complicit in his self destruction.
To which he replied, he'll just get his own, he will not be told what do,how dare I talk to him that way etc.
He's had 3 weeks without it, knows it put him in there, why restart?
Doesn't help that Xmas and Hogmanay are coming, serious drinking occasions in his diary. Aagh!
Written by
MrsWorried
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Hi, I think it’s time for you to get power of attorney if he will agree to it, that way at least you will be allowed information. Although nothing will stop him pressing that self destruct button if he is determined to continue drinking alcohol. I heard every excuse under the sun from my best Freind and no matter how many times he was detoxed in hospital it took a serious episode of hepatic encephalopathy to get him hospitalised and subsequently into a care home with a deprivation of liberty order against him and he is only 50. One thing you need to do is look after yourself and your sanity.
Without in any defending his behaviour towards you I think it’s important to emphasise how problem drinking impacts the mind as well as the body. His head might well be working overtime thinking about what’s going on and even three weeks abstinent which is an achievement but not long in the grand scheme of things be craving alcohol. Being sober is a state of mind as well as a physical condition. When I was diagnosed with cirrhosis after being taken to hospital by ambulance in the middle of the night ( I nearly died) my head was a mess. I’d semi-convinced myself I was there for appendicitis despite what I’d been told and wasn’t even sure I had a problem with alcohol due to the normalisation of compulsive behaviour. Those big events coming up you mention need to be seen as less significant if that makes sense? Someone said to me “happy, sad, mad or glad” they couldn’t drink alcohol and it’s the same for me and others. Looking at a future without alcohol can be daunting or even having the confidence in oneself that a life without it can be built can be non- existent as I well know but it’s doable. I’ve been sober over four years and despite the challenges that come with liver disease and still a very anxious person my life is infinitely better than the last few years I was drinking.
Thank you for your candid reply and your honesty. Congratulations on your 4+ years sobriety. You hit the nail on the head, I definitely think he considers life without alcohol a lesser existence, and after 40+ years hard drinking, and all childhood memories of family get togethers ending in drunkenness, his mind will think it's the norm. Yet no counselling is offered? And perhaps he wouldn't take it - not something real men do?You've done very well, keep on!
Thank you. I left hospital in September 2018 with hardly any information - a list of local AA meetings was given to me. As far as help goes a lot of people think of AA as "the" organisation for problem drinkers and yeah it does help a lot of people so I'm not bad mouthing it but it doesn't work for everyone and some people don't know what else there is for them . I was lucky that I knew there were other approaches such as SMART which was and is accessible through a charity near where I live. Individual counselling can be very good for problem drinkers or people with all kinds of addictions and I say to people including members of a group I created and co-manage online for people with ARLD there is nothing wrong with needing help - far from it. I've found being pro-active is key for many problem drinkers and of course those of us with physical health conditions have a lot to lose (understatement) if we don't stop. I know it can be hard - I first tried to stop in 2006 when I was I 33 and eventually stopped and stayed stopped (touch wood) from 46 years old. Best wishes, Phil
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