Look after yourself!

[MrsWorried]

Hi everyone, as you will know from previous posts, my hubby has decompensated liver and is still drinking, with an "If I die, I die" attitude. So today saw me at the GP for myself (felt a bit self indulgent tbh) and I've got low haemoglobin, low vitamin levels, possibly due to Covid a couple of months ago, but no doubt aided and abetted by current situation at home.

It's been a bad year, Mum died, hubby is seriously ill and won't address it, and son waiting for psych assessment - so I haven't really been thinking about me. Now I've been told I should.

So to all you carers, please look after yourselves xx

[Diamondbabe]

Couldn't agree more. I am under my GP with hypotension. Brought in by doing too much and not taking time for myself.We really do need to be more mindful of our own well being.

Take care x

[MrsWorried in reply to Diamondbabe]

It's a shock to realise I'm not superwoman!

[Rshc]

bless you, you have just a lot on your plate.

[LemonMeringue15]

Absolutely agree with this. My kids are still grieving for their dad. I'm going through a sort of grief/anger/sadness for him despite how badly he treated us all.My son is autistic and has been out of school for a year due to his anxiety. I had to fight to get him into the right school and he started in Sept, but life is still hard for him.

I also have MS and things take their toll. My vitamin D levels were really low a few months ago and once this was addressed I did feel less tired and anxious, so I hope the same happens to you.

I think you are in a sort of limbo with your husband, as his continuing to drink will only end badly, but you are powerless to influence it. I understand that feeling and it is so draining. There is only so much worry we can cope with before our bodies tell us off. So listen to your GP and start to prioritise yourself as you deserve a nice life. As much as your husband hasn't chosen to get addicted to drink, neither have you so please take care of yourself x

[MrsWorried in reply to LemonMeringue15]

Thank you for your lovely reply, and I hope things improve for you and your family. My Vit D is low so just started a course of tablets. I just need to be well enough to keep all the plates spinning...... you know what I mean xx

[LemonMeringue15 in reply to MrsWorried]

I do yes. If you have the tablets that are once a week for 6 weeks then they might take a little while to kick in x

[Diamondbabe]

Morning ,I take vitamin D too. It seems to help me.

X

[Oldbits]

ÙI know how you feel, so busy chasing your tail and too tired to do little things for yourself. I struggled last year and would flop in a chair and be to tired to even cry at the end of a day. Mentally exhausted and physically. Everyone told me to look after myself as I was the one holding it all together. It's not easy when there is such a stigma attached to alcoholics and their families and no one wants to help. Luckily the penny dropped and my hubby stopped drinking. He was less of a horror to live with and things have got better. I walked whatever the weather and it helped so much. I also planned what I would do if I lost him and oddly that helped too.

So sorry you lost your mum too.

Take care of yourself and give yourself a hug, there seems to be a lot of us out here who know how you feel. Xx

[MrsWorried in reply to Oldbits]

Thanks very much, it's comforting to know there's others out there who know what it's like xx

[Cornwallgal]

Please keep talking to us. We care about you. It is not at all self indulgent to try and keep yourself going as best you can.

[Dogbot]

Hi Dogbot here I am the alcoholic, haven’t drunk for 19 years now but I put my wife through hell with my drinking. Waiting now for a liver transplant been on the list for 2 years called once I was at the hospital with wife waiting to hear how the operation went just to get me call to come a pick me up 😢. But we both read these posts and we have been concentrating on the wife’s health, even though I still have constant hospital and doctor appointments, she is an Angel 😇. I really hope your husband comes around and sees you for what you have done for him. Both of our thoughts go to you, please find the time to look after yourself 💕💕.

Stay safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈

[Rshc]

one thing that seems quite a common thread is children with anxiety. I have a teenage daughter and she suffers from it too, night terrors, panic attacks etc. Thankfully going through a calm period at the moment but in no doubt caused by stresses/tension in the home whilst her dad was still drinking. Life has been immeasurably calmer since he stopped. She is on the waiting list for some counselling as no doubt she has some PTSD, as do I.

[MrsWorried in reply to Rshc]

So sorry to hear this, I hope your daughter gets the help she needs xx

[Readlots]

I’m glad your GP has advised you to look after yourself. ‘own life belt first’ as my daughter, who also suffers with anxiety, would say. I know it’s not everyone’s bag but I found yoga and meditation helped me. Just being in an environment which was supportive and caring and focussed on self help and healing for an hour or two was exactly what I needed to keep me on my feet.

Bereavement is so hard on its own and it’s like you’ve got a double dose with anticipatory grief for your husband. Have you talked to him about what it’s like for you?

My nephew is on the spectrum and my Mums death hit him really hard. It’s such a big change and he’s not really equipped to talk about it. No wonder your son is struggling.

You’re not alone, but it will get better

[MrsWorried in reply to Readlots]

Thank you Readlots, appreciate the support. I did yoga pre Covid but haven't got back to it. I make a point of getting out with the dogs every day and I'm lucky that we're in the country so surrounded by nature. Possibly just the run up to Xmas which was such a family time for Mum, is making life tough right now.

Can be hard looking after everyone, easy to forget about yourself!

[Readlots]

I know exactly what you mean. Last year was our first Christmas without Mum and I really felt it. I tried to do Christmas differently so that the hole wasn’t so big - didn’t work. We were still all at home and she wasn’t there. You just kinda have to with it. It’s shit. But it does get easier to live with. I’m glad you’ve got the dogs and country walks. Good for blowing the cobwebs away.

[lonmallin50]

You done so well for what gone through.you bound to feel down some days I hope everything goes well with your situation just hope your husband can stop drinking would be a blessing for you I keep my fingers crossed for you take care lon

[MrsWorried in reply to lonmallin50]

Thanks Lon xx