Liver cancer stage 4

[Chadwickthecat]

Hello,

I am hoping for some advice and support. My poor father was diagnosed with liver cancer in May. It is stage 4 and spread to both lungs a couple of months ago.

I am hoping for some advice from people who may have, sadly, gone through this.

He is extremely tired, with a very low appetite and quite bad nausea. The nausea is mostly being treated with medication, but he does have some days where he finds it very difficult to keep food down. There is no sign of any jaundice with him at the moment. He was having pain, but is now taking slow release morphine which has this under control.

Emotionally, he is a very strong man who is determined to make the most of the time he has left. On the days when he is feeling strong enough, he is still busying himself with small jobs and hobbies (which he is able to do sitting down). He wants to keep his mind active for as long as he can.

As a family, we are doing everything we can to make as much of the time he has left as pleasant as we can. I have spoken with the hospice nurse about what to expect, but all they said was that they would expect the 'bad days' to slowly become more frequent than the 'good days'.

I am really messaging for any advice - what, if anything, would you say we can expect, and what, if anything would you suggest we do in order to support him as much as possible for as long as we possibly can?

[Chadwickthecat]

I should add, he is now in the care of the hospice team. He had one round of chemo but decided not to have anymore. His oncologist agreed with this decision and he has been told he has 'months', given the size and spread of the tumours.

[BritishLiverTrust4]

Dear Chadwickthecat

If you are in the UK and would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 10am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)

Best wishes

British Liver Trust

[oap74 in reply to BritishLiverTrust4]

It’s his life you have to support him in whatever he wants to do. All the best. Just a thought when I was told I had cancer I decided to write a brief history of my early life for my grandchildren, I put all my affairs in order bought and planned my own funeral so that my wife of 53 years would have nothing to worry about. Put it all into an envelope for our son to administer, It filled my time and took the early worries away. Peace of mind is a blessing and made me a lot more contented with my lot knowing it’s all sorted. Hope this helps.

[Beture47]

Dear Chadwickcat I am so so sorry to read your post. I hope medication will make him very comfortable. Having his family for suport will be the best medication. My thoughts our with all your family.

Best wishes E.

[Roy1955]

Be guided by the hospice nurse.

She/he is there just as much for you as they are there for your dad.

Nobody can say how long he has but it's true that bad days will overtake the good days, the hospice will deal with them and change meds to suit.

Dad's being brave for his family but inside he is frightened of what's to come.

Decisions have to be made about where he spends his last days, the hospice can offer hospice grade treatment at home so ask him what he wants.

I have done hospice at home for elderly relatives, it's hard but worthwhile.

Every day now might be his last, don't rely on "months" so if something needs saying or doing dont wait.

[teletonetapper]

Very sad to read your post. You being there for your dear Dad will be the most important "medication" for him. This cannot be prescribed by any Doctor - only recommended. My sister and I were there when our beloved Dad passed and the memories of our childhood and upbringing are very embedded in our hearts. Parents are so special. Please take care and my sincere thoughts are with you and your Dad. ❤️

[Readlots]

I’m sorry to hear about your Dads prognosis.My Dad died of bowel cancer that went to his liver and I as with him until the end. Everyone’s experience is different. Dad was a very quiet man so he wasn’t big on talking about how he was feeling. We just kind of followed his lead. He was very independent so we just tried to enable him to do the things he wanted to do as he wanted to do them. He was able to walk around the block until about 2 weeks before he died.

Hospices are fantastic at providing support so you’re on the right path there. They suggested mini milk ice lollies for my Dad to eat and they seemed to be the only thing he could manage for a while (he wasn’t an ice cream fan before but it was what he fancied at that time). I’d say go with his appetite, if he wants food provide it but if he doesn’t, don’t worry. Small portions, large ones can be overwhelming. Weird combinations are fine if it’s what he fancies. He may not fancy anything and that’s OK. I think feeders like me see food as a way of showing love and we worry when people can’t eat, but when you’re very poorly eating can take too much effort. Dad gradually got weaker and slept more until he didn’t get up any more.

We were lucky and got a bed in the local hospice for his last two weeks. The staff were amazing, really cheerful and it lightened the load for me and Mum to see him being properly cared for so that we could just be with him.

Expect

- hard work nursing someone at home - accept all offers of help and ask for it when you need it. Take time out for you.

- lots of professionals in and out of the house. It’s fine to tell them if it gets too much and you just need a day by yourselves

- lots of emotions all at the same time

- tears and laughter

- some difficult conversations. The hospice can help with these.

- to meet some truly amazing people

I hope this helps - big hug