I have been subjected to adult bullying by imbeciles. I have been bullied for more than a decade and have turned to heavy alcohol consumption in order to cope. I don't even know how to unpack what they have subjected me to. About 3 years ago I had an ultrasound scan and the consultant told me I had a fatty liver disease, which I realise is not too much to get upset about - but was a warning of worse to come. I cut back on the amount I was drinking. Several months ago I was getting some slight discomfort and so I stopped drinking altogether.
Recently, I have had to put up with another idiot joining the bullying campaign. It has resulted in me having serious panic attacks every day, which I am worried about because I already have chest pains because of insomnia and more than a decade's worth of daily stress. I have turned back to drinking heavily again.
A lot of the "disputes" between me and the people bullying are things that are very easily sorted out, it is quite easy to confirm that I'm right and they are wrong, but they won't do so. They will attempt to come up with idiotic circumstantial "evidence" that they are right instead of just checking. And NOW - to add insult to injury - they are guessing at how long it takes to develop secondary liver disease and claiming that proves that they are right. I have pointed out that there is a lot of variation in how long it takes to develop more advanced liver disease but they don't want to listen. They are going to use this as an excuse to not address the "disputes" which makes them even more dangerously negligent than they were before....
Written by
texuz
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It's time to walk away from these bullies and remove them from your life. They are obviously proving to be toxic to your well being. It sounds like they enjoy winding you up big time and you are feeding their cruel enjoyment by giving them the time of day. This is your life not theirs. Please save your energy to get yourself better...walk away.
The situation is complicated. The people bullying me are so-called friends and family. I'm isolated from most forms of support, the friends who aren't bullying don't seem to care less or are concerned that they may get bullied if they help me. The only person who helped me fight them was my former gp (who never doubted that I drank heavily) but he retired about 3 years ago.
You know and I know that alcohol is not the answer. Only you can turn that one around. I hope you find the strength within yourself to stop putting this toxic substance inside your body. Alcohol can fuel stress and anxiety. Life is short. Don't waste it. Best wishes
I am not going to be the only one to express my sadness at the news of the bullying you have experienced. There are never explanations for bullying, never justification and never a moment where they are little more than acts of cowardice.
Regardless of the circumstances, that stance on bullying will never vary. However, you have chosen not to share the environment in which this bullying is taking place, for example in your place of work and the nature of it .
You do express a suggestion that it is a battle of who is right and who is wrong. This at least points to something specific and manageable, rather than something that is not black or white, like bullying about size, looks, race, gender etc.
You say yourself that the matter could more or less be easily resolved. I would encourage you to focus on the fact that resolution is possible, and that it is a matter of finding the right path and strategy to achieve it. A determined effort to focus on that as the singular end goal, might help you to limit the opportunity for emotional impact to prevail and help you deal with facts.
If you wanted to share more details, perhaps a specific response is something I or others could propose. I should mention that I am not qualified in the subjects of mental or physical health but I have life experience and a smattering of practical wisdom that I am happy to offer on these pages.
Drinking to excess and Panic Attacks are not strangers to one another. I speak from experience.
I thought alcohol was offsetting my Panic Attacks and making them tolerable, but I later discovered that it was the reverse. The alcohol was the cause of the panic attacks.
Thankfully Gambling has not been an addiction that I have acquired, but if I had, I'd be straight down to the Bookies to put decent money on the bet that if you stop drinking or at least reduce it substantially, your Panic Attacks will diminish commensurately or end completely if you stop the drinking.
We know alcohol clouds judgement, we know too that Panic Attacks impair clarity and the power of focused thinking. As a pair, they do not provide the tools you need to address the Bullying and find a solution. A solution that you know can be found.
I would like to suggest that you turn finding a solution to the Bullying in to a Project.
This needs to be a Project that you "own". The winning is less important than your courage and determination to face the challenge, knowing that if the Bully's don't mutually agree a peace, that you can walk away, head high, knowing that you were the one that did the right thing.
Look at this Project and the problems within it as someone else's problems. See the issues through impartial eyes and with your voice as if you were advising someone else. Someone important to you. You need to acknowledge to yourself that for the duration of this Project, the drinking stops. That's a prerequisite to your success.
Let the Project become the start of your sober and richer, happier life. A stronger, more dynamic you with the strength to face up to any problem and focus on a new journey all about enjoying life, not letting others dictate your happiness. You own your right to happiness, not them.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. Please consider having a look through the information and links on this page of our website which covers various aspects of living with a liver condition and where you can find support. britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...
If you are in the UK and would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 10am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)
"I am not going to be the only one to express my sadness at the news of the bullying you have experienced. There are never explanations for bullying, never justification and never a moment where they are little more than acts of cowardice. "
Thank you so much!
I was just introducing myself the situation in general terms. I will share the environment in which this bullying is taking place and other details. I was hoping to get to know other people here better first.
bcsurfer said:
"You say yourself that the matter could more or less be easily resolved. I would encourage you to focus on the fact that resolution is possible"
What is causing me so much distress is that so much can be resolved so easily but they refuse to check anything (it is like getting blood out of a stone with these people) and they won't listen when other people do check and confirm me right - which has happened a lot!
bcsurfer said:
"I thought alcohol was offsetting my Panic Attacks and making them tolerable, but I later discovered that it was the reverse. The alcohol was the cause of the panic attacks."
Thank you for sharing with me your experiences. I was completely sober when the serious panic attacks started happening and I remained sober for a while despite having them, and then I return to drinking. Since then I haven't had a panic attack - aside from a couple of slight ones.
bcsurfer said:
"I would like to suggest that you turn finding a solution to the Bullying in to a Project."
I was starting doing something over the weekend.
Lastly, for now, I'm a fairly intelligent person, I have a university degree in a scientific subject, and I can tell you that the people bullying me have problems. I will attempt to explain the psychology/social psychology of the people bullying me but when I have got to know people better.
Hi I've only just joined here and there are alot of people at different stages of liver disease who have been through all sorts of emotions. Nothing is new to most.
Not to talk too much about myself here but I dont communicate with others anymore. People cannot have an opinion in a matter that they haven't experienced and tell you they know the facts! They dont seem like nice people around you atm if it's about proving right and wrong rather than choose to support you.
Personally if i were in your shoes I'd cut ties until they realise they have a negative impact on your health. I've done well in life so far.. i personally dont need the negative energy around me.
If you cant cut them out then perhaps talk to them about how they are making you feel. Say your not after judgement or criticism but support and a genuine friend. Some people are quite self centred and dont realise how hurtful they've been until you tell them how they are affecting you: a genuine friend would stop and think what they're doing and will apologise and realise how negative they have been.
Dont listen to them. Dont loose sleep over these people and definitely dont let them affect your health. By getting to you they win. Focus on yourself. You'll still have bad days but with less people to deal with.
If you think it may help, look into seeing a therapist. Just talking to someone helps lift a weight off your shoulders. This forum is good for talking. I recently put up a post ( feel free to read) and I felt much better for just posting it. It was a relief that there are people here who are in similar experiences that really understand.
You are right to find trust before letting others in. No one has been really hateful on here that I've spoken to... it's only right for you to add more detail when you feel you can trust because it's your life... and you'll find people on here dobt need details- they'll accept you for you.. no more said.
I hope your ok. Take your time but feel free to talk whenever! #bighugs
it is often the way that behind a person that drinks is some trauma that they are trying to deal with. The trouble is that drinking actually creates its own issues. It does sound like there is a lot here for you to try and cope with alone. It might be worth considering if there is a local organisation that might support you and help you find ways of coping that are not reaching for a drink in times of stress. The other thing to say is that even if the people bullying you are family, you can still cut them out of your life or at least create some emotional distance to try and limit the harm they can do to you
Oh dear that’s sounds awful, you need to take a deep breath and stop engaging with those people! There’s a lot of very ignorant people out there, but you can’t put your health at risk to win any argument, it’s pointless and destructive. If you look at it another way, every time you drink because they have hurt and upset you you are letting them win! It sounds like you have probably known these people for a long time, draw a line, block them from social media and your phone and ignore them, they will soon find a new project. I’m sure it’s not an easy ask but you need to fight back by not drinking and getting yourself well again. Good luck, please don’t let the bullies win .
Please "cut yourself off" from these bullies. You are obviously a very intelligent person and your brain, I am sure is telling you this situation is unacceptable. Drinking the dreaded poison will cause you more stress and anxiety in the future. Indeed, alcohol itself is a "realy bully" and is taking control of your life. I urge you to contact the British Liver Trust on their telephone line and they will be extremely helpful. Such a caring Team. Members of this site will also help you through when you are ready. Do take care. Thinking of you and not the bullies in your life - get rid of them.
Might have to look to yourself for the reason you believe so many people are bullying you.None of us know your story and a few lines on the Internet will not do much to explain what is probably a complex personal life.
But all we can say is that your well on the way to liver disease if your DRINKING after a fatty liver diagnosis.
Sounds like your relatives are pointing that out as well.
Perhaps their worried about your behaviour and you perceive their well meant intervention as bullying.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You’ve said that the bullies are friends and family. It sounds as if these are toxic friends that you don’t need in your life. True friends would be supportive and understanding. As others have said, walk away and make new friends.
Family it’s harder to walk away from. However, you don’t have to engage in arguments with them. What’s more important: winning the argument, or maintaining a peaceful relationship? Can you just avoid the topic of conflict? Or is it more difficult than that?
The one caveat is if they really are friends and they are telling you things for your own good that you don’t want to hear. For example, there are lots of people on here who are partners / relatives of people with alcohol problems who are telling them to stop drinking and get help. They could’ve accused of bullying when they just really want to help because they care.
Without knowing details it’s hard to advise but I’m sure once you know us all better you’ll feel supported enough to take steps to resolve the situation.
Hi, not posted in a while, but saw your story and can very much relate.
After living with bullying parents from when I was a child to an adult, I finally had the courage to stop contact in my 40’s. I have never felt better about that decision and was instrumental in helping me move forward. Yes, there are sometimes bumps in the road, as I do mourn not having supportive parents (but I never had that, so I’m just sad for what I did not have).
Appreciate might not be parents, but you say family and there is similarity there.
I did initially feel pressure from so called friends and wider family members about re-engaging with them again….but always went back to the same bullying tactics when I did and made me feel worthless.
My favourite saying is “Friends are the family we choose”. So choose wisely. Cut out the toxicity. Make new friends. Take advantage of support on here. Join a local club or do some volunteering at local charity, or litter pick like I do on occasions. I felt really nervous at first, but found conversation came easier than I thought whilst doing something.
I also changed how people perceived me as I was told I often looked miserable and unapproachable. I was miserable…but friend suggested I make an effort to smile more. This may sound really silly, but I tried it and it actually made me feel happy. Try it. The number of people who smile back. Even strangers. Makes you feel good inside and cheers up those you see also.
And another favourite saying is “Happiness is in our own hands. Poor is the man whose happiness depends on the permission of another”.
Don’t get me wrong, can be hard.
But I am so glad that I decided to take control of some things myself, without engaging at all with the bullies. Their issues with you sound unfounded, from what you say, so leave them to fester in their own toxicity.
And one final comment, and believe me I have done exactly this myself (so no judgement), don’t use the bullying as an excuse to drink. I have 110% done that. Don’t let them impact both your physical and mental health 😕 That might not apply to you, but also sharing in case that resonates.
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