Where are all the husbands talking about their wives and partners alcohol-related liver disease?

[Richard-Allen]

I had a most enjoyable coffee with a fellow liver transplantee this afternoon. I’ve not seen this lady (due to Covid) for almost two years, so it was nice to catch up.

Her liver transplant was due to PBC (Primary biliary cholangitis). This poor lady does understandably get frustrated as she is often being labelled with having a drinking problem by members of the public who still associate liver disease as being something that only old people with alcohol problems get.

She often uses this site but prefers to remain anonymous. I of course respect her anonymity.

During our conversation, she pointed out to me that there seemed to be an imbalance between women on this site who talk about their husband’s or partners drinking problems, but there didn’t seem to be many men talking about their wives or female partners drinking issues.

I know all too well, of the sadness of what it’s like living with a wife with a drinking problem. The rows, arguments, the violent temper, and yes for a while I was a battered husband, not many men will freely admit to this. Sadly my wife took her own life, which I suppose did more harm to me emotionally than I care to mention.

But what becomes of the men who find themselves in a similar situation? Do they suffer in silence or do that just up sticks and leave?

Why is there hardly any men talking about their wives or partners and of their alcohol liver issues and battles?

I think men should be encouraged to speak out more, and not feel ashamed or embarrassed.

If this report is anything to go by, it’s only a question of time before women catch up with men: bbc.com/future/article/2018...

[Positive001]

Very good point Richard. I believe l have only spoken with one man on here whose wife had a big drink problem. If he's still around it would be good to hear how things are now.

[Millie09]

Very interesting and yes , thinking about it I myself can't recall any men talking of their partners drinking problems..So very sorry to hear of your wife Richard. I can only imagine what it was like for both of you at the time

But thank you for sharing .

[Hidden]

yes, as Positive001 has said, a very good point.

My wife and daughter were both heavy drinkers, thankfully just a long phase they both went through, but I can remember my daughter and her friends used to get drunk before going out for the night, supposedly, to save money, but it never worked because with lowered inhibition, they all just drank more.

Are we, as men, not prepared to admit to a problem, even when it is our spouse? or are we, possibly not as devoted as women tend to be when it comes to enduring something from which we could walk away?

I've never really thought about it until now, but it definitely raises questions.

And yes, I totally agree, men really should speak out more.

[Hidden]

Hello I think it's just a man's thing in general for some reason men don't talk like women do they keep it all in which leads to problems such as depresshion it's like men think they have to be strong and not allowed to get upset so to speak, I do find it annoying when loved ones that are men keep it all in and then it's too late once it all eventually comes out hence health problems etc 🤗

[gertrudestein]

Just a thought - is it possible that women turn more to drugs rather than alcohol, I'm thinking of the "mothers' little helpers" rather than the hard stuff. Just as addictive though.

[Poppy234]

Reports of lots of young women drinking in the article who are unlikely to be married I guess. I wish it showed figures because it only talks about percentage increases. I often think men find it harder to come to terms with things when they don’t talk to others about their problems. I wonder if you have had a happy upbringing and have more of an internal desire to be happy and able to reach out. I am so sorry to read of what happened to your wife how very sad, I know what it’s like to have to check that your husband hasn’t done anything like this and worry about finding them. But I can’t imagine the pain of it happening.

[Bs1524]

I think it is very possibly a guy thing not to talk about things. Apologies if that is an over generalisation. I wonder what the stats are on proportion of men to women and drink related problems? Thank you for sharing your experience that must have been so hard x

[Hidden]

This is a really important topic to raise Richard, thank you for sharing your own situation so eloquently too.

Best wishes

R

[Roy1955 in reply to Hidden]

I am an admin on another medical orientated website.Its ironic that I support on that platform and I am on this one to be supported.

Ladies are far more likely to seek advice, support, or chat online than men.

Looking at my sites membership (10,000) I would say the memberships 80-90% female.

[Tenngirl]

When men go to prison, their spouse or girlfriend will often visit and bring the children, send money and wait for them to be released. When a woman goes to prison, she is more often than not abounded by her significant other. This phenomenon seems to correlate with your post.

[tracyliz]

Well said Richard, With wine o' clock and all the ridiculous alcohol advertising at at Yummy Mummy it is only going to snowball ( excuse the term) As a non drinker, now 10 years, after surviving varices bleed, ascites and having cirrhosis I despair for how society regards alcohol as a necessity for a fun and complete life. My own daughters, who watched me nearly die, still drink mainly due to peer pressure and there must be thousands of men, who put up and shut up about it. Let's raise a campaign . As you say, this is non reported , maybe due to stigma or as I see it, because many men don't want the spotlight turned onto their own drinking.

Kind regards.

Tracy