I hadn't drank any alcohol since being admitted last year with liver failure and Pneumonia which I was very fortunate to come through. I have been steadily recovering and rebuilding my strength since and my last lot of bloods showed a normal liver function. However, my mental health hasn't been so good and, when my sister was found dead in her flat a couple of weeks ago, things got too much and I decided to pick up a drink instead of asking for help .
I am absolutely gutted that after all this time my resolve broke so quickly. My family who have been so supportive are extremely upset with me. I feel like I have totally kicked them in the teeth when I should be supporting my sisters and elderly father through their grief.
I managed to stop almost straight away, but I am worried about what further damage I may have done to my liver. I have the classic stitch-like pain just below my ribcage and am convinced that my liver feels harder and more prominent - may just be my imagination but the only way to really tell is with a fibroscan.
I am reluctant to tell my GP or my consultant as I am scared this will scupper my chances of being put on the t/p list if my cirrhosis worsens and it is deemed necessary. I just want to forget this episode and put it behind me. I am inclined to just wait and see what my next lot of bloods look like
Thanks for letting me moan on. It's difficult to find people to talk to who understand what I'm going through x
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wurzle
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I don't think anyone can comment on the damage it has done - as you said - bloods and fibro scan will let you know
In terms of not telling your doctor, that would be the most harmful decision you could ever make - your doctor NEEDS to know, the reason why you need to be several months clean before being considered for a T/P is very important, if you were to require one and omit this information you could not only be putting your self at harm but the T/P might be ineffective and that T/P would be wasted - you NEED TO BE HONEST with not just your family, yourself but also your doctors, they cannot help you if they do not know the situation, i hope you make a swift recovery from this grief and wish you and your family all the best.
So sorry to hear of your sad loss, it really is better to be honest all round in order for you to get the right level of support and care, Try not to beat yourself up to much what's done is done but today is a new day. Take care x
The loss of a family member is always difficult to take, I'm sorry for your loss. I have to admit that... I have always thought that the idea of speaking to a counsellor was a failing, it showed I was weak and people would shun me... I was a fool.
Counselling has helped me get some mental strength again. I have weak and low moments but I have learned to be open. Talking to others and posting here has given me so much support. When I came here a few people took time to reply and I cannot over emphasise how much that has done for me.
You are just as human as the rest of us and at our most difficult times we reach out for anything to ease the mental pain, I know that you know you made a mistake, we all make mistakes.
I do not want to advise you. Only you can decide what to do. Maybe telling the doctor would make him get a fibroscan and bloods done quickly and that might put your mind at rest. But please speak to everyone, talk to your family, make contact with a counsellor. And at the worst times, day or night you can always post here.
Take care of yourself, not just physically but also emotionally and mentally.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s incredibly tough when you lose a family member and is always a difficult time. It’s not surprising that you’ve wavered. You seem pretty resolute, and I can tell you are shaken by having a bit of a lapse with alcohol. Both of these are signs that you’ll succeed in overcoming this episode. It’s not that long ago that you were in hospital - I’m guessing 12 months or maybe slightly more - cirrhosis takes years to develop and alcohol will have become a tried and tested way of coping for you during those years. It’s natural, therefore, that it was something you reached for in a time of deep distress. The fact you recognised it was a problem and stopped is fantastic, it’s not something to beat yourself up for. I too have cirrhosis and was admitted as an emergency with a deeply rooted infection, I’ve not drunk since that admission, which is over 7 months now. I had no idea I had liver disease and had convinced myself that my drinking was ok. I was lucky enough to be discharged with the support of a therapist who has been working with me. I’d highly recommend. It’s helped me see why I drank, but most helpfully helped me find other mechanisms to go to if I’m under pressure or things happen where in the past I’d reach for a glass of wine. I’ve found my GP very helpful, and quite matter of fact about things. I’d not be worried about talking to mine about a lapse. It is a judgement call for you about how much you want to tell them. Lapses are common, so I’m sure it won’t be the first time they will have heard it. You are human, try to be kind to yourself and recognise the fantastic achievement it is to have kicked the bottle down the road. This is just a blip.
Thank you for the messages of advice and support. I think I will mention it next time I see either of them whenever that may be. I haven't even met my consultant yet at the outpatients liver clinic. Its all been conducted over the phone because of covid restrictions
I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same when I drank again a few weeks ago after 10months sobriety. A well meaning acquaintance bought me a pint after I had just played a very well received set in a pub garden and I foolishly accepted. That was me for a week. Sneaking down to the corner store for vodka which made me feel guilty and sick. Didn't even enjoy it but I felt deprived and depressed without my old mate the bottle. Don't let others judge you.Its not your fault. You're an addict and you're sick. You recognised that it was a mistake as did I. I told so.e friends about my blip and they were cross but not too surprised. Just stop and carry on again. It's all we can do. Please don't beat yourself up. Of course your sisters death pushed you over the edge but your family should not blame you for this. I have had no support from my family either. They just think I am an old drunk who isn't really sick. Screw them. They're all addicted to processed food and cheap meat and are too fat to find any compassion. Please don't let them grind you down.
listen fella.....dont go to hard on yourself....do what u feel is right,regarding telling docs,consultant etc. its sad that u have lost your sister,I'm sorry for that..we all,everyone of us make mistakes,so go easy on yourself .u will by the sounds of it get yourself back on track.....and kick that drink I to touch😉. take care of yourself,chris
I would tell your doctor about this slip. Anyone can say, "I've not drunk for 6-months, but blood tests might show otherwise. I've found this snippet of information which may help understand this.
A person who has a history of alcohol abuse will be scanned more carefully than say someone whose liver disease is caused by autoimmune conditions.
Blood alcohol tests are made up of a liver function test (LFT), carbohydrate-deficient transferrin (CDT) test, a mean corpuscular volume (MCV) test and phosphatidyl ethanol (PEth) testing. LFT looks at the functionality of the liver, the same way a medical professional would. CDT test gives a 4-week window of detection period and is a very good indicator if someone is drinking alcohol to chronic and excessive levels. An elevated MCV marker is an indicator of ingested alcohol. PEth is a direct marker of alcohol and is, therefore, the most accurate of the blood tests to determine alcohol abuse.
I think what is important here, especially for the liver transplant assessment team is that not only have you learnt from this slip, but now have something in place as a coping mechanism should any stressful or upsetting situation occurring again in the future.
Sometimes we all need to find our own response to stressful situations. When we are drinking, that glass or bottle becomes our best friend. It's always there when we need it, and it tries to make us feel better. That friend is always there when we need it. But this is all a mental process. I used to image a skull and crossbones on a bottle with the warning, "Hands Off". Other people will use other methods. What isn't normally addressed when a person gives up alcohol is that it is possible to feel a form of bereavement. You are having to say goodbye to your best friend. And that sometimes hurts. But it is a loss we have to accept.
Finding your own coping mechanism is a must. The liver transplant assessment team are all human. What they will definitely want to hear is that you recognised why you had this slip, but more importantly, that you now have a coping mechanism in place, should such a thing happen again.
Be honest, don't try and hide anything. No one is going to judge you. Just explain "This is what happened and why" and "This is what I will do in future should this ever happen again".
Finding that coping mechanism that works for you, will be your own recovery.
I understand your fear of telling your consultant. If you were continuing to drink you should let your consultant know. If you need help to stop drinking tell your consultant. As far as I can tell from what you said you had one day of drinking. While I don't condone during I understand your reluctance to tell your consultant I have not had a drink in 12 years since my diagnosis with cirrhosis an have no intention of so. If went off the rails for one day would I tell my consultant???? The risk to you if you get away with it once. You may think you can get away with it again and that would be very worrying. Eat healthy, exercise, general a healthy life style and you may find your liver over years has some recovery and you may not need a TP.
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