Not sure on what to do next.

[lyn3]

Afternoon. I hope everyone is doing ok. Weather here is wet as always.Hows everyone elses?

So as most know the story, hes been alcohol dependent for 30 years, smokes like a trooper,hes on all sorts of meds. One min the drs say hes got Cirrhosis and the next he hasnt. He has been in and out of hospital but mostly for his lungs not liver. Hes cut down on drink from a ltr of vodka/whiskey and 8 pints a day to a bottle of wine and quarter of whiskey when ever he is awake, but even that to me is way too much considering.Anyway..

His sleeping pattern is all over the place, eg, he went to bed fri night at 10,30 ish and woke up 10 am sat morning, he then went back to sleep and slept till 4 pm straight. He got up and struggled to stay awake and eventually gave in hour and half later and went to bed ,his words were i need to go lay down because im uncomfortable staying up. He then slept untill just before midnight got up wide awake, i went to bed and woke up this morning to discover he had drank almost two bottles of wine (he hadnt drank anything from fri night till last night when he had the wine. He sleeps alot, hes complained of stomach pains every day, lately suffering from yellow diaorreah, hes got no jaundice, his legs and ankles are swollen along with his belly and can get confused alot, eg hes got a basic noahs phone but keeps asking me how does he use it? Hes breathless alot as when he goes to the bathroom (which is next door to the bedroom) he will collapse on the bed breathless but im guessing thats because of his lungs.

I went to the drs last week and told them how concerned i was because of all his symptoms etc, sleeping alot, eg (because he cant make it to the drs even if he wanted to) and they said he had to ring them to talk to them about his health, i did tell him when i got home that i had talked to the drs and what they said and he said ill ring them tomorrow, well we all know tomorrow never comes. So i had a chat with him last night as he laid in bed and kept dropping off, and said what are you afraid of so much you wont go to the drs ? his reply bad news, so i said but at least we will know and know the best way forward and treatment, and he said look i could go to the drs and have bad news and they will try all ways to get me sorted but you and i both know they will want me to be in the hospital having tests ,for what to be told sorry your liver is too far gone for help but we can help you in other ways,no thanx i would rather exsist in my home rather than exsist in a hospital bed and back and forth.i said you dont know that ,it might be different news and repairable, hes speaking from experience of his friends who have died of cirrhosis. So not sure on the next step forward, i feel i have to respect what he is saying ,after all we all know our own body but on the other hand i want to help but feel like my hands are tied. Oh and just to clarify he doesnt get his drink from me, im guessing hes got it stashed some where, or hes getting his friends to get it for him, the shop is just across the road from me. Im busy doing volunteer work for mental health groups and other things so im not always home.

Any ideas ? Because hes not bleeding, because hes not jaundice so in my mind his liver isnt too bad but i havent got a clue really. and maybe wrong

Thanx for reading..

[AyrshireK]

Unfortunately there seems little you can do in these circumstances. The only way you could get a firm idea of how badly damaged his liver is would be for him to see a doctor and have tests. At the level of his alcohol intake and the symptoms he's already showing it seems likely his liver is struggling and continuing to drink at the level he is will eventually cause so much damage that symptoms will become more pronounced.

I don't know whether you've been intouch with Al-anon - the support group for loved ones of those with an alcohol dependency al-anonuk.org.uk/ They might offer some coping and support strategies.

Unfortunately, without medical intervention and even medical help to give up the booze this is likely to go very unpleasantly so you need to take care of yourself in all this. Sadly, if he's not willing to take up medical help I don't know what else you can do.

Look after yourself.

Katie

[Lobby67]

Even if you were home 24/7 he would find a way to feed his addiction.

He may be Addicted but it seems he is not dependant as he can go a few days without. Some addicts can become very ill by stopping because their bodies have become dependant and they would need to have help to be weened off.

Unfortunately, like a lot of addicts he wants the product of his addiction more than his own health or the welfare of you, so you need to look after yourself.

You can only do so much for him, there is a point where he needs to help himself and unfortunately until he realises (if he ever will) that the alcohol is destroying his liver and killing him, he is going to carry on.

I know you are doing, and will continue to do all you can for him but don’t let his addiction consume you. You are not being selfish. Please contact Al-Anon for some much needed support pet.

[davianne]

Hi Lyn,

Sadly your story is all too common here. Please tell your Hubby that there is a future for him if he quits the drinking. I am living proof that despite some of the symptoms associated with cirrhosis, he can have a near normal life if he seeks help from his GP. They can help with giving up alcohol, and refer him to a hepatologist for a few tests......bloods, ultrasound, and a fibroscan, and then a diagnosis can be made. three and a half years ago, when I got my diagnosis of F4 cirrhosis, this news was enough to stop me drinking immediately, especially when told that although my prognosis was short. I was also told that I could increase my lifespan by total abstinence, eating healthily, and exercising when I was able ( I have osteoarthritis in my hips and knees). Now my bloods are near normal, and my life is so much better, and now I have a future. I do still have many symptoms, and my liver is struggling, but just about coping with its functions.

Your Hubby needs something positive to show him it's not too late, and his future is in his own hands with help from his family, and of course his doctors.

Maybe, tell him, or show him posts like mine to try and give him encouragement to get himself sorted out. It's not too late👍👍👍

All the best,

David

[Hidden]

Good afternoon lyn3,

I am so sorry to hear of your difficult situation.

I see our lovely forum members have offered their suggestions and support. I have little to add other than to offer the nurse led helpline on 0800 652 7330 Mon -Fri 10am-3pm.

Take care of yourself too,

Trust9