My partner is not interested in me

[Newcastle19]

Me and my partner have been together for a while a good 5 months if not longer she is not interested in me I. Anyway wot so ever we have never been sexually active and I love her but I am finding this very hard we are more like friends then anything else we don't Evan cuddle no more I'm at my Whits don't no wot to do

[jojokarak]

Out of pure curiosity why are you posting this on a liver forum?

[Newcastle19 in reply to jojokarak]

I don't have a clue wot it all enstails she has liver cirrhosis

[jojokarak in reply to Newcastle19]

Right you should of mentioned that in your post 😊

Sex drive goes completely with cirrhosis and depends on how far along she is...

I wasn't interested in anything when I was poorly my husband was basically just my carer and my friend rather than my husband or lover

[Newcastle19 in reply to jojokarak]

Sorry I no I should of done that's how I feel I don't no how to cope i us Evan thou we ain't if you no wot I mean we have never since we have been together

[jojokarak in reply to Newcastle19]

The only thing what got me and my husband through It was communication and a lot of of self pleasure on his part....

If you love each other enough you will get through it but it's a tough ride

[Nuttie50 in reply to Newcastle19]

I have liver Chrissie and I am in my 50s been married 20 yrs had two major bleeds in which I was on a coma 6 days. But they changed all my meds and I cannot get enough sex it's like I have all my feelings back. I would check that her meds haven't got side effects I was on morphine and that's a killer so do check. There is sex with liver probs

[Newcastle19 in reply to Nuttie50]

Are thankyou for that you have done really well keep it up

[AyrshireK]

You are not alone in having a partner with cirrhosis for whom the libido has gone. My fiance as he was then was diagnosed with cirrhosis in April 2012 and we married in August 2012. In all our married lives we have had no 'bedroom activity' as he has zero interest and zero function. We had only been together since early 2010 and in all that time there was little stirring down there (if you get my drift).

We don't even share a bedroom as hubby has disrupted sleep pattern & this would disturb my much needed sleep too.

We are really close though, love one another dearly and do kiss (peck) and cuddle lots plus hand hold and each morning one or other of us makes a morning cup of tea and we sit together in his bed to start the day and chat and he likes to give me a wee back rub.

I would say we are best friends and I am definitely his carer but we have great love for each other and just get on with it. I am 45, he now 58 and for both of us this is our first serious relationship.

It is tough when one of you would like a little more than the other partner is able to give but you can't force it and we don't really have any intimacy - even a wee fumble would be nice but hubby often says he doesn't want to start something he can't finish and also I feel like I am forcing him and for a guy knowing that bits don't work is even more upsetting.

I don't know what the answer is, can you discuss this with your partner? you obviously love her and want to support her. Could you cope with just the hugs/cuddles coming back? Can you manage in a sexless relationship? It is possible to have this type of supportive and loving relationship without the full on sex part but its obviously not easy.

I hope you find a way through this or you will become very unhappy and the relationship even more strained.

How long has your partner been diagnosed? It takes a long time for folks to come to terms with a serious diagnosis so she also might not be in the best place mentally just now. You need to talk if you can and bring back some of the love.

Best wishes to you both, Katie x

[Hidden in reply to AyrshireK]

Katie, what a lovely relationship you and your hubby have. You are so caring and understanding. Despite his illness you are obviously very happy and good together. It probably also helps that you are so knowledgeable of his illness

Laura x

[Newcastle19 in reply to AyrshireK]

It just seems like there is nothing left I have tryed to talk to her but she says she can't bear her hand on her let alone my because of the swelling we are more like friends each day now I can't remember when we last cuddled when we get In bed she turns one way and I turn the other half the time we do t Evan peck let alone full kiss good night I feel wot we had is slipping away and I can't stop it she don't show me any affection and I'm scared I'm starting to feel the same way wot you have with your hubby your lucky x

[AyrshireK in reply to Newcastle19]

This is probably the root cause of it, she isn't yet accustomed to the new her in regards to the changes cirrhosis has brought. She isn't comfortable herself and this is rubbing off on how she reacts to you physically. You are in such a new relationship too when all the physical stuff seems to matter more. I don't know whether she'd respond to wee lovey dovey notes around the place telling her how much you love and care for her - just wee messages of your love, letting her know you are there for her, that you love her and fancy her no matter what. Reach out and let her know you are there for her.

I tuck my hubby in at night like he's a wee boy in his own room, we have a peck and wish each other good night and tell each other we love each other then off I toddle to my own bed.

We laugh often and I think that's something else which keeps us going.

I do hope you can rekindle what you had, best friends is good but you need to know that two way love is there too. This illness is a long haul for both of you.

Katie xx

[Newcastle19 in reply to AyrshireK]

I will give it a try and keep you posted we also need to find out all of wot she can eat and wot she can't thanks hunni

[AyrshireK in reply to Newcastle19]

Only thing to do food wise is to watch the salt and sugar intake although dependent on what stage her ill health is at there might be need for extra fuelling and plenty carbohydrate and protein to prevent muscle loss.

If you are attending appointments with your partner (a very important role) then request to see a dietician who will provide the most appropriate guidance.

My hubby eats normally, breakfast, snacks, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and bed time supper.

Katie

[pigeonCl-HU in reply to Newcastle19]

Hello Newcastle19, it seems to me that you have not grasped what is actually going on with your partner: the poor girl is probably still reeling from a diagnosis of a horrible disease, the last thing on her mind right now, is having a bit of nookie....

Really Newcastle, in another post you said you are going to tell her that you are going to sleep in another room; why is that? to be honest with you? it seems to me as a bit of blackmail: no sex? I'm off to sleep in another room.

What your partner needs now is LOVE, unconditional love, kindness tenderness, she doesn't give a damn about sex.

You say: "she says she can't bear her hand on her let alone my because of the swelling"- Can you hear her, Newcastle? She is in pain.

AND, there is that additional factor: you have not mentioned whether her cirrhosis is alcohol related or not.

Because, if it is, then she is now going thru a double torture: first the bad news about having a liver disease; second, no more alcohol.

Having to suddenly abstain is nothing short of Hell!

Like, it is all bad news for the girl now, and when she wants to forget, she can't reach out for the deadly nectar no more. Not allowed.

And what if she falls off the wagon?

Please, if you REALLY love her, reach out for her Soul, not for her body.

Comfort her, give her lots of spiritual cuddles, hands off, be there for her.

Remember this, Newcastle19, between the two of you, you are the lucky one. It is your partner who drew the short straw, not you.

pigeon.

[sunnysmile in reply to pigeonCl-HU]

Another cracking post. It is very obvious this lovely lady is in terrible turmoil. She must be frazzled with worry

Gwen

[pigeonCl-HU in reply to sunnysmile]

Thank you Sunny, I agree with you her partner must be in turmoil, and I felt that Newcastle19 did not address any of that turmoil, concentrating only on the lack of physical intimacy.

What her partner needs now is a person by her side of the ilk of yourself, or Ayr, or any of the wonderful partners who come on this forum telling us about what their loved ones are going thru and how they cope.

Sure, to be a carer is not a walk in the park, and I always think 'who cares for the carer?', and my heart goes out for them. But not everyone is cut out to be a carer.

My feeling is that when life deals out such a harsh hand, any relationship is brought to the brink where it either survives with an added deeper dimension or it sinks and dies

I think Newcastle19 needs to do some soul searching now, there will be no shame in any decision she makes, as long as it is an honest one.

pigeon

BTW, "Sunny" is one of my favorite songs.

[sunnysmile in reply to AyrshireK]

I just love this post Ayr. We have no bedroom antics now for about 5 years. Both sides really. Hubs was having a little difficulty and so was I with an internal problem which made things very painful (so no pleasure). Decided I had had enough of pain so talked about it and now a distant memory. We are besties for sure and hold hands when out, lots of squeezy hugs. Separate beds like you due to each other snoring or turning and tossing. Cuppa in the morning together and a giggle to start the day. You do have a lovely relationship with your hubs and high five to you for looking after him.

All best wishes to you all.

Gwen

[solybananas]

Love & affection are the most important ingredients in a relationship. If you have no sexual response, then I suggest are many more fish in the sea. In recent weeks I have lost my soulmate after 46 years, for me I have to learn new things, hopefully in time I will find real love.

[Newcastle19 in reply to solybananas]

Yes you will I think I'm just going to talk to her tonight and say about just being friends that's all we are anyway I have felt this way for a few weeks

[chrisw740]

Loss of libido as a result of cirrhosis comes up regularly on liver forums.

[AyrshireK]

Because sadly this occurs quite regularly with cirrhosis and loss of libido and it's effects on a relationship are additional strains that affect the life quality of cirrhosis patients and their nearest and dearest.

[Newcastle19]

I love her to bits I need my my cuddles I just want to be be close and I feel we are not

[Hidden]

Then talk to her, tell her !!

[AyrshireK]

You did however post a day after it was made clear in several replies to the initial post that the reason they had posted was due to their partner having cirrhosis. Sometimes it does pay to read the other replies before leaping in.

[sunnysmile]

Hi Newcastle, did you have a chat - I feel for you both.