Feeling deflated today.

The redness in hubbys feet and legs is only in patches now ,which is a sign that the infection is finally going..I have noticed the last two days hubby is so hungry that he wants a normal size dinner cooked for him , but when i give it to him he eats a tiny bit and then pushes it away saying he isnt hungry anymore, i know the stomach shrinks, seems he is hungry and maybe he cant face it but dont want to say.

He didnt get up until 6 pm yesterday and was falling asleep just after midnight, he said i want to go to bed (which is unusual for him to ask to go to bed).If i am honest i wasnt expecting him to wake up today but He woke up at 11 am staggered to the bathroom , said he had a bad stomach and went back to sleep.

I just feel so deflated and down today, have been in tears all morning , they buried a friend yesterday and i wasnt able to go to the funeral because i had to be home with hubby . I have lost a few friends over the years but have never mourned like this and i couldnt understand why but thought this morning the only reason i would feel this way is because i think deep down hubby hasnt got long left and possibility i will be burying him soon, im hoping im wrong ,im hoping i will have at least another 10 years with him, but drinking as much as he does and has in the last 31 years everyday im living in a dream world.

I hear so many saying oh i had a good time last night and got plastered , i been drinking all weekend and it was awesome, i over haered one guy the other day say to his friend i cant beleive i drank 12 hours straight yesterday, i hope you videoed it i cant remember any of it, and i want to scream at them, do you have any idea what you are doing to your liver, but i would be seen as a party pooper, but these days alcohol is so cheap and easy to buy,sadly more and more youngters are drinking and they are getting younger and younger each year.One of my sons who is 18 (no hes not hubbys son ) started uni and i used to ring him now and again to see how he was getting on, and he would say oh having a great time mum ,, went out with my house mates and got plastered, and i would say im worried about you drinking, you can see how hubby is because of drink and he would say mum i dont drink everyday i wil never be ill like him, i always say i hope not son.

Im so glad i have you guys to come talk , i was supposed to be meeting with two ladies last week who have set up a group for anyone caring for someone with an addiction and she cancelled, she forgot she had an appointment so we arranged to meet again today , i hadnt heared from her so i sent her a message this morning asking if we were still meeting and she applogised and siad she thought she had messaged me to say she cant meet because she has to go on a course for a month but would arrange to meet up after that, she works for a group that helps addicts who want to stay off drugs or alcohol, i have messaged her back and told her i dont want to meet , i cant be messed about and not really in the mood to be messed about either....

[Millie09]

Hi lyn , bless you sweetheart . I will email you Hun xxx don't despair . X X 😕💕

[Hidden in reply to Millie09]

ty millie

[grace111]

hi again lynn, im so sad to read your post and hear how upset you are. i understand all that your saying and who ever said that they would meet you and keeps cancelling is a complete waste of time and will no doubt be upsetting you a lot more by dissapointing you like this, i dont know if you'v heard of alanon its for families of alcoholics and its a great place to meet people who are in exactly the same boat as you are yourself. of course many of the partners parents and relatives of those people have got sober. there are online groups as well. the thing is most of them have gone though or are going through the same thing as you and feel so helpless as being an alcoholic myself with over 28 years sobriety i know that its like talking to a brick wall. as we think we know everything and you cant tell us anything until we are really beaten and ready to listen, however sometimes it takes an outsider to get through to us, as family are just a bit to close and if your husband heard from people like himself then he would not be able to deny things and this could also be arranged if he was okay with this and if he wasnt then you have to look after yourself. as your not being fair on you. you have to put yourself first on the list as hard as that may sound. also people in alanon are so glad to come to the aid of people like themself they will definately not let you down as that is their primary purpose. alanon is in every town and if you cant go to them they will come to you and i can assure you that they will not let you down. please lift that telephone and get help for yourself and when your hubby see's you doing this it may dawn on him just how he is affecting you. the thing about alan on is that they help you to deal with things by telling you how they done it. its a bit like this forum where we all share our experience with each other, i do hope you get help lynn as i hate to hear you saying that you'v been crying like this and i can hear how devasted your sounding. you need to get some support for yourself. i pray that you will. all my love to you dear. be a good example to your husband and get that help as its by example that we really help people not by trying to change them. when they see us change then the miracles can happen. love to you grace xoxoxo

[Hidden in reply to grace111]

Awe ty grace, thats so sweet and lovely to read, Hubby wont listen to anyone, he has relatives die of this, his one cousin died last year on a stool sat at the bar in his local pub, his other cousin died of malutriton and drink two years ago , and his best friend died a couple of years ago from drink and malutrition, He doesnt want to die but he is also in denial of it all being the alcohol thats killing him.

I have been in contact with al and the nearest place is 4 hours drive from me,, and i dont drive, i wanted to meet face to face with people. Ive coped up until now just coming on here so think ill stick to this for now. Hubby knows how its affecting me and when he sees me in tears and i tell him why , he says ill give up the drink but within a few hours he forgets what he has said and carries on drinking, and if i pull him up about it he will say i never promised anything, and then we would row, If i do loose hubby in the next few months the last memories i want is us argueing.

I hope no body minds or is offended with me letting off steam on here if so please let me know.

Its hubbys birthday thursday , he will be 49 im just glad that he made it this far as no one thought he would...

Thank you once again..

[grace111 in reply to Hidden]

i can assure lynne i would not call this letting of steam its real feelings that your sharing and thats another part of what this forum is used for.no one would be offended or mind. i cant believe that your hubby is only 49 i feel so old now im 65. oh sweetheart that is so young. your both young. when you contacted alanon you should have asked some one to come and see you as members live all over the place. your very welcome here of course. i would just like to see you getting real support like hands on, as you say face to face. you keep coming on here lynn your very welcome my love.im glad that your getting people to talk to as many will understand being alcoholics like myself we do understand and its a good reminder of what we did to our own families, i think thats whats upsetting me to. god bless you dear. im pleased to hear that your hubbys legs are clearing up. as i did read your post to see how he was getting on. all my love lynn. from grace xoxo ❤️

[Hidden in reply to grace111]

Awe ty Grace, i have stopped crying now dont think i have any more left.You are so encouraging , thankyou for such kind words.

You know grace im in the middle of writing a book and i have changed the name of the person for protection and used the name Grace instead . so that made me smile when i saw your reply, so thankyou

[grace111 in reply to Hidden]

aw thats so nice what a coincidence eh? im glad your not crying now lynn. we are always here for you darling. keep your chin up. speak soon, any time, love grace xoxoxo💋

[Hidden in reply to grace111]

What a lovely message Grace , take care Lyn and use the forum to talk and share how you are feeling xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

ty blue bells

[Hidden]

awe ty alb , and im sorry to hear what you are going through, and you are right its not easy to give up and thats why i think i stick by him as well as love him. Its so hard for us carers because i never know how hubby is going to be from one day to the next , wether its him being sick all day,or sleeping all day, saying mean things etc..

I go out when hubby is sleeping even if its just to the shops but if he wakes up i have to stop and stay in untill he either drops back off or i wait until the next day, i dont have anyone that i can trust in my flat to leave him with his mum and dad arent nice to him when they are around because as i think he isnt like their blue eyed other son, with a very good job, posh car and massive house, they judge him alot and wil never understand why he is like he is, i joke sometimes and say to him no wander you drank i would too i had parents like that.

Al the best for you and your family,sending hugs

[Geffy22]

Can't quite believe a support worker would do this to you, even if she's working voluntarily!

Pls Talk to Relate or ask your GP to refer you, they can give you support not for your hubby's addiction, but for you.

When you're young it's pretty normal to drink esp at uni. Your son sounds sensible, so just keep being mum!

I'm sorry things aren't improving with your hubby but glad the infection is subsiding.

Sending you hugs xxx

[Hidden in reply to Geffy22]

Thankyou geffy

[Paulineunderstand]

Is there an option for Al Anon at a distance, a phone helpline? Two rearrangements could be bad luck, but if you get the feeling there is something more there probably is.