I'm new on here I'm 40 years old been drinking for 18 years but the last 10 years have great out of hand . I've had months off then start again . 20 to 30 cans of strongbow in a 24 hr period Is easy done . had relationship break downs I've got 5 kids 2 are still babies . lost my dad to cancer 16 years ago and I'm worried I've got cirrhosis of the liver . my finger nails some of them are starting to go a lot lighter at bottom . I had lft abt 10 weeks ago and all was fine but I had been off the drink for a few weeks . I'm really worried I'm sat having a drink right now and crying thinking about dying .I suffer with anxiety with everything as it is . I've always been an 8 can a night person since I was 22 . it's this fingernail colour change at the bottom . been docs said not to worry booked in for blood tests in a few weeks . I've been thru delirium tremors , hallucinations everything apart from seizure .