Therapy session (trying to make sense of it)

Okay so my dad passed 10-12-16 and I went back to my therapist that I have seen over the years (she's known me 4 years now-I've went more often at some of the times in this 4 year period than other times-meaning it wasn't a continuous 4 years of therapy). Anyway since my dad passed this is the THIRD time I have seen her. So I wanted to write this on here to see if anyone can make sense of why she has repeated this more than once. Last session she told me "it's okay to feel angry too". I said yea I just feel sad. This session she said it more than once "it's okay to feel angry too" "don't let any anger build up" "let any anger out" I once again said I'm not angry. Why is she pushing for me to be angry or feel angry?! I don't even feel that way?! At first I thought she was saying the whole you'll go through grieving stages anger may be one of them -that whole thing- but now she just keeps repeating it. Why does my therapist want me to be angry?

11 Replies

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  • I would change therapist. Maybe next time say the only anger I am starting to have is about you repeating its ok to be angry. Therapist do not know that much really. Sorry you are having to endure her.

  • Thank you catfish! It WAS making me angry that she was saying it was okay to be angry. Ugh! And I wasn't even angry. My husband said the SAME thing as you did about looking for someone new.

  • Hello,

    I am so sorry for your loss Hun...

    I agree - change therapist - sounds like she's just following some sort of therapist manual!

    You should be able to go to her and feel better - not made to feel so surreal!

    Yours,

    Pear

  • Thank you Pear! I'm thinking about it, it's just that she already knows me and my story... that is what was keeping me with her BUT if she's not helping I guess it doesn't matter anyway!

  • I went to see a therapist to discuss my issues. She said "close your eyes and imagine you are not unwell"......ah yes, I see that will cure me!! Perhaps your therapist wants you to accept that as part of the grieving process you will go from sad to angry and that its OK to shout and scream and cry and let it all out. At least you can do it in her company as friends and family are usually scared of bereavement and don't know what to say or do to help!

  • Oh my! I can't believe she said that! Interesting. I only went to one therapist (years ago) before this one for one session and that one said I don't see what you're here for. 🤔 Hm ok?! Ya maybe you are right she wants to let me know that.

  • Hi I am sorry to read of your loss. I thought to respond to your post as I have some experience in working with grieving persons and some understanding of the range of feelings a bereaved person can have. Loss, though common to us all is a different experience for each of us as individuals. So also do the feelings experienced vary. While anger is seen as a natural part of grief it is not a requirement. Some people feel anger and for a whole host of reasons such as the relationship with the person who has died or the situation the bereaved is left in following a death to name but two - others don't . In general anger is perceved by many as a negative emotion and so can be difficult to express, it could be that your therapist feels that you need some kind of permission to express feelings of anger should there be any now or at any future point in your grieving process. Different felings come to the fore at different times. Bereaved people are often confiused by their feelings of anger and knowing that it is normal to feel these can be comforting as can having somewhere to express them. Your loss is very recent and it is clear from your post that you are sad more than anything else.

    Look after your self .

    PS Cruse Bereavement Care who offer support to bereaved persons have an excellent website which it may help you to visit, there is information on grief and the many feelings which accompany it.

  • Thank you. I know there are many different parts and feelings of the grieving process (I also just bought a book on it) but I just want to feel what I feel when I do. Not force anything. By her repeating it several times throughout the session it was like she was telling me I should be angry. I'm not angry and that's it. Thank you for your response and for going into detail. I will check on the website too.

  • maybe you need a new therapist?

  • Lperica10 as you know grief is a cycle, sadness, guilt, anger are all normal emotions. Bottling up any is not good.

    I bottled up grief after my hubby died and after counselling managed to let it out. My counsellor told me she could hear I was angry with the surgeon who gave him MRSA so never said anything specifically about it.

    I have had a few moments of anger at him cos he did not get symptoms checked out quickly enough (he was overseas for 9months working) but that now quickly subsides as we miss him so much.

    Hope this helps xxx

  • Thank you. I'm just not angry right now (not saying I won't be or haven't been). I'm just not right now and my therapist wants me to be because I know she thinks my dad put me through stuff over the years (he did) but I forgive and am over that. Thanks for sharing your story.