I was trying to find a way of describing what life is like now - and was struggling to write down how things really are... This poem is actually about a soldier returning with PTSD - and is read by his partner... I think it's quite fitting to describe how our relationship is now...
The Manhunt – Simon Armitage
After the first phase,
after passionate nights and intimate days,
only then would he let me trace
the frozen river which ran through his face,
only then would he let me explore
the blown hinge of his lower jaw,
and handle and hold
the damaged, porcelain collar-bone,
and mind and attend
the fractured rudder of shoulder-blade,
and finger and thumb
the parachute silk of his punctured lung.
Only then could I bind the struts
and climb the rungs of his broken ribs,
and feel the hurt
of his grazed heart.
only then could I picture the scan,
the foetus of metal beneath his chest
where the bullet had finally come to rest.
Then I widened the search,
traced the scarring back to its source
to a sweating, unexploded mine
buried deep in his mind, around which every nerve in his body had tightened and closed.
Then, and only then, did I come close.