Update on Mrs and Mr Pear

Dear All,

I was trying to find a way of describing what life is like now - and was struggling to write down how things really are... This poem is actually about a soldier returning with PTSD - and is read by his partner... I think it's quite fitting to describe how our relationship is now...

The Manhunt – Simon Armitage

After the first phase,

after passionate nights and intimate days,

only then would he let me trace

the frozen river which ran through his face,

only then would he let me explore

the blown hinge of his lower jaw,

and handle and hold

the damaged, porcelain collar-bone,

and mind and attend

the fractured rudder of shoulder-blade,

and finger and thumb

the parachute silk of his punctured lung.

Only then could I bind the struts

and climb the rungs of his broken ribs,

and feel the hurt

of his grazed heart.

Skirting along,

only then could I picture the scan,

the foetus of metal beneath his chest

where the bullet had finally come to rest.

Then I widened the search,

traced the scarring back to its source

to a sweating, unexploded mine

buried deep in his mind, around which every nerve in his body had tightened and closed.

Then, and only then, did I come close.

9 Replies

  • Nice words, I had problems after service in the Falklands. Good friends , kind words we can all get through our obstacles.

  • Dear Brummi,

    When I saw this poem being read - just the notion of looking for your 'man' hit a note with me. With all the injuries being like the different operations and complications he has had to face. Its been a real journey...

    Lots of love,


  • Oh pear!

    You are such a dear! I know you both have been through so much! It is like a battlefield. And as a caretaker trying to navigate that place, it must feel crazy. I would think somethings are unknowable, while others are like having the diseases yourself.

    Your a trooper, I know that for sure. Your kind and generous of spirit. You help others with compassion and any info you might have.

    Your a blessing to me!

    I hope you and Mr. Pear are doing a bit better everyday. And I really hope you are able to get time for you, and have joy everyday in your life!

    You deserve it. God knows you do!

    Love hugs and blessings!



  • My Dearest Kimberley,

    I seems to be playing catch up - it's almost as if he's been asleep all these years and now has suddenly woken up... I have a man who actually remembers things, listens, laughs and jokes, cries and shares my pains and anxieties. He talks to the boys and parents them like he should... I'm not sure whose finding who at the moment - the most frightening thing of all is this hernia operation coming up- which is looming over us. And with all that's been and gone - I'm totally scared - scared to laugh, think, or dare to dream of anything remotely happy... Just incase it all goes famously pear shaped again...

    Sounds quite selfish - we compare today with last year and know we are in a much better place - and we have been blessed again and again... Just scared that we are running out of blessings...

    I read the posts here every day and see what horrendous situations people are facing and pray for each and everyone to be given some solace from their anguish...

    And you my dear Kimberley - you are a true gem... A lovely reply once said 'true gold is tested in the furnace' - you my friend have been tested again and again... All the best for this next stage...


  • I dont think it sounds selfish at all! Of course you want your love back and to keep him, safe, sound, and in the right mind!

    Everyone here knows what you guys have been through..one thing after another. Its ok to be scared. But no matter what, don't let that rule your life, in any way..not that you are..but, if, god forbid, more bad news is to come..then these moments now..these precious ones where your children are getting to know their father again, and he is awake and present with you and engaging in his life, and engaging with YOU, emotionally, mentally physically and spiritually..then THESE moments ate the ones you also want to be fully present for. Don't borrow trouble, let fear steal your joy.

    I like to think of 'moments' as photos of my life's scrapbook..something to take with me when it's time to go :) A book with of moments that are wonderful, or painful..but the ones where I was present, was a part of, or bore witness too.

    I suspect you are like me this way.

    And I don't think you are running out of blessings..I hope they are just beginning..and that all these things are learning tools for you..and you will continue to help others, with your story! Maybe start a blog, like Bolly has! (I think it's Bolly..I keep meaning to find out the web address from her!) But you have so much information and love to give..I have certainly been a recipient of those things from you!

    One thing I know for sure..these really hard times can really teach us about gratitude. I think gratitude is not a feeling alone..I think it is a verb..an action word. True gratitude, to me, is giving back, in the ways I can..a listening ear, lighting a candle, sharing a funny story..whatever that looks like for you.

    And I love the phrase about gold..one of my favorite things or phrases is that it takes coal and pressure to create a diamond.. A diamond can be wonderful experience, a beautiful child, or, in your case, maybe an incredible life..well earned.

    Coal and pressure. and gold..tested in the furnace. Good Stuff Pear!! :)

    cheering you & Mr. Pear on,

    and reminding you to let NOTHING steal your joy!



  • My Dear Kimberley,

    I had just replied to a post that 'I'm drained out'...

    All you lovely lot have a habit of keeping me in check! I'm not allowed to fester away or feel glum for too long.

    Every word you have said is so true and I love you all for being here for me...

    I am trying to be positive (he is trying to lose weight for the operation - so now we go for walks at about 5.30am!) but find I am engulfed at times with so much grief - I will try and work out of this as I don't want to lose these moments...

    Lots of love to you all Xxx


  • Kimberley my blog is here fiona-onwardsandupwards.blo... but i havent added anything for a year. I guess that means I'm OK and not thinking about being ill so much or working so hard on 'getting better' and my friends and family are not worried about me anymore - at least i dont think they are :)

  • Dearest Pear,

    That poem describes so well that which you have been through and that which your hubby has been through as I identify you with the reader and the soldier with your husband who has lived though and survived his ordeals nonetheless with scars But Oh What Love!

    I am so pleased he is somehow woken up and living again!

    Never forget that Poem you posted last Christmas A Little Bird named Hope.......just keep remembering that!

    I dont come on here so often these days..... but I do occasionally.

    Such awe inspiring Brave people are on here.

    Hugs (((( ()))) and Prayers for you and your family


  • Dear Hun,

    You have been by my side throughout all these different trials - I'm so grateful that you are still popping in and keeping up with us all 😊

    I had watched the programme which featured the partner of a serviceman - reading this poem and it just really got me. It is hard to put into words how one feels or what you are going through - emotionally drained out seems to be so negative and I can't say what I feel apart from that...

    Lovely to hear from you Hun - I have kept the 'Hope' poem close to my heart 😊


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